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Post by Deleted on Feb 21, 2016 0:46:20 GMT -7
Setting the scene; we all face different challenges in our battle to overcome P&M and acting out in whatever form it takes. For practical reasons I live in such a way that I face a high risk of falling. I live in a rural region, I spend many weeks of the year alone as my wife works away from home (normally overseas) often for months at time and I am unable to travel with her.
I attend a local church which meets together every two weeks but I have not shared my problem with any of the brothers. However, I do have an accountability partner, a good Christian brother whom I meet with and have email contact. I use OpenDNS and filters on my browsers and I have deleted the passwords to make it difficult for me to look at P. I know that I can reset pwords if I really have a mind to do so, and if I do I will ask my partner to reset them.
I have observed that if I do not look at P then my urges are 'redirected' and I am tempted to act out in other ways, fantasy & lust for example. If I win a battle with my sexual urges then I have urges to spend money that I do not have on things that I do not need or really want. I am constantly trying to feed the pain and emptiness in my soul with the food of destruction.
I am tempted to despair, and at times I begin to walk this road and I constantly have to remind myself that the Lord is in control even when circumstances suggest otherwise.
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KevinesKay
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 21, 2016 19:52:25 GMT -7
Hey ridat,
That's a good start with the accountability thread. I like some of the boundaries you set for yourself. I would like to know what kind of things you're doing to help fill that "void", the pain and emptiness in the soul that you're talking about.
Last week, I talked with one of my phone buddies that has been sober from drugs for 3 years. I asked him what was he doing that was working for him. His response was, "I play the tape." What he meant was he played the scenario in his head of acting out with drugs, but then finding himself in an unmanageable situation until he was facing death head on.
Now, for me, that strategy only goes so far. And I mentioned to him that "playing the tape" is simply an extrinsic motivator which is better than no motivation at all. But ultimately, it would not work for me on a permanent basis. My buddy shared more about how his internet and P use has gone more out of control. So in other words, my friend simply replaced his addiction to drugs other destructive addictions.
For me, it's important to fill the void with good things as opposed to leaving a clean home for the enemy to step back in with 7 times more reinforcements. So I try to hold myself accountable not only for my avoidance of P and MB, but also by demonstrating that I'm in the word daily, I'm having a regular prayer life, that I'm fellowshipping, that I'm picking up the phone every day even if I don't want to. That I'm working out, playing my guitar, developing my gifts and hobbies. This lowers the inner resentment and need from my soul and flesh to act out in sin. And Instead of working against them, I'm working my whole self; body, mind, and spirit toward the glory of God.
A full soul loathes a honeycomb, but to the hungry soul, every bitter thing is sweet. Proverbs 27:7
And this takes my recovery to a different level. I'm no longer "white knuckling" my way through sobriety. I'm creating intrinsic motivation for myself which makes it a lot easier to stand strong during those times of temptation.
As a brother who clearly understands what you're going through, my hope is that you learn this lesson faster than I did. Our flesh is weak, but God uses us at BG to teach each other tools that increase our chances of success.
Bless you brother, and thank you for sharing.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2016 4:49:44 GMT -7
Hi Kevin,
Thank you for such a thoughtful and insightful response to my post. The gentle challenge in the words of your post is what I was hoping for when I discovered this forum.
I do spend time doing good things; regular prayer-time, reading the Word, I attend a language class (I live in a non-English speaking country), I try and play guitar but I do not practise regularly, I teach an exercise class several times a week and when the weather is good and I am well enough (been unwell recently) I cycle most days.
I went to the local market this morning and I was thinking about your post as I was driving and I realised that I have refusing the Lord access to my time; I have a garden that needs a lot of care and attention and a house to clean (my wife has left me a long list of chores to do whilst she is away) but instead of doing these things as unto to the Lord, I resent that I should give up 'my' time to do them. I would much rather sit around feeling sorry for my self wondering when the Lord is going to turn up, or go window shopping on the net. I am still choosing to sit on the throne of my life in so many subtle ways - this is a real insight for me which I will pray about.
Since posting yesterday I have had a sober day, some struggle with fantasy thoughts but no acting out or P & M. Thank the Lord
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2016 5:35:18 GMT -7
So my friend will you accept my narrow door challenge? Already it seems like you are doing most of them any way
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2016 7:40:47 GMT -7
Hi Jonathan
I am giving it serious consideration. Too often I have not 'counted the cost' when agreeing to start doing something new. For me this must change...I will make a decision within 48 hours.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2016 10:06:21 GMT -7
I fully understand the whole counting the cost, but part of the challenge is just that. If you look at The things on The list most if not all of them we as followers of Jesus should be doing already. The challenge comes in finding out why each of us isn't.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2016 15:56:08 GMT -7
That is a fair question and it is what I am considering. Many things on the list are a part of my life already, others never will because of where and how I live. I need to be clear in my own mind as to whether or not the practical limitations I live under can be changed. As I said 48 hours. ☺
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Post by Deleted on Feb 22, 2016 17:20:38 GMT -7
If this puts you in any kind of danger then don't do it. You know the rules better than I do.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2016 1:34:16 GMT -7
I do not believe that the narrow door will put me in danger. Having reflected upon the idea since I first read it, I believe it is sound and can help us live a life of discipline the Lord knows that I need to apply discipline to all areas of my life. For me I need to take the principle of the narrow door and apply it to to each 24 hour period of my life so that I may use my time more wisely and honour the Lord by making the most of the opportunities He has given me. I do not have full time employment and I spend a lot of time alone and often I might not see another person for several days and because of the risk that is inherent in living in isolation/solitude I know that I need to focus my energy positively as part of a strategy to not give in to temptation.
Jonathan I hope that I have not offended you. I truly welcome your input and challenge, already it has helped me and I pray that it will continue to do so.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2016 1:38:51 GMT -7
24 hours of integrity. Thank you Lord
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2016 7:14:17 GMT -7
No my friend I'm not offended at all. I didn't understand what you were referring to. I've read stories and have talked with other believers out of my country where doing this challenge would truly put them in direct line of danger from public persecution and execution. So I hope that I didn't offend you. I have to remember that Blazing Grace is seen worldwide and that things true in the USA isn't the same all over. Please forgive me for this.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2016 12:45:20 GMT -7
Jonathan,
There is absolutely nothing to forgive. Thank you for your sensitivity and tact.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 25, 2016 1:20:51 GMT -7
Prayed about my laziness. The Lord is gracious - I received insight into what could be and a sense of what joy and freedom awaits; oh my flesh loves to procrastinate! 24 hours of integrity. Praise God
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KevinesKay
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Post by KevinesKay on Feb 25, 2016 20:04:40 GMT -7
Ridat,
You've been some very good points. First, about resentment; that inner voice that complains about my family or my marriage. For much of my marriage, I looked at the negative. Why do I have to spend so much time for my kids? I want to do my own thing! Why does it cost so much money? Why is my home such a mess?
All of these resentments fuel my anger and my desire to act out. And for the most part, these resentments were not justified. They were lies from the devil. So this past year, I noticed that it was so important to make myself accountable to working with my wife and my family, and working with God; and not against them. Ultimately, I really did want to be a better husband, a better father, and a better Christian. I just didn't want to do the work. Which leads to your second point, laziness.
For me, laziness was a killer. Perhaps my self-neglect would not have immediate effects, but over time, it would lead to a lower level of integrity and strength. If I continue to be lazy in my attempts to increase my connections with my wife, family, and God, well then, no wonder I have no ability to withstand the temptation avoid P. For me, relapse doesn't just happen. It's first preceded by negative thinking and complacency.
Good job, Ridat!
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Post by Deleted on Feb 26, 2016 15:42:48 GMT -7
Kevin
For me resentment was one of the destructive elements that led to the failure of my first marriage. My wife 'made' me feel bad or rejected or did not give me what I wanted so I felt justified to go and commit adultery and act out so I could feel better.It was all about what I wanted.
I struggle with not doing things if I do not feel like it, sadly this will include prayer or reading the word, it really is like sulking at life, I have a sense of it being a really immature childish behaviour, hence the desire to try and include a wider range of activities in the narrow door that I perceive as not directly benefitting me. Activities that challenge my selfish mindset and require that I make a choice to be more like a grown up or remain a petulant child.
Ridat
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