Ridat Accountability

Hey ridat,

That's a good start with the accountability thread. I like some of the boundaries you set for yourself. I would like to know what kind of things you're doing to help fill that "void", the pain and emptiness in the soul that you're talking about.

Last week, I talked with one of my phone buddies that has been sober from drugs for 3 years. I asked him what was he doing that was working for him. His response was, "I play the tape." What he meant was he played the scenario in his head of acting out with drugs, but then finding himself in an unmanageable situation until he was facing death head on.

Now, for me, that strategy only goes so far. And I mentioned to him that "playing the tape" is simply an extrinsic motivator which is better than no motivation at all. But ultimately, it would not work for me on a permanent basis. My buddy shared more about how his internet and P use has gone more out of control. So in other words, my friend simply replaced his addiction to drugs other destructive addictions.

For me, it's important to fill the void with good things as opposed to leaving a clean home for the enemy to step back in with 7 times more reinforcements. So I try to hold myself accountable not only for my avoidance of P and MB, but also by demonstrating that I'm in the word daily, I'm having a regular prayer life, that I'm fellowshipping, that I'm picking up the phone every day even if I don't want to. That I'm working out, playing my guitar, developing my gifts and hobbies. This lowers the inner resentment and need from my soul and flesh to act out in sin. And  Instead of working against them, I'm working my whole self; body, mind, and spirit toward the glory of God.

A full soul loathes a honeycomb, but to the hungry soul, every bitter thing is sweet.
Proverbs 27:7

And this takes my recovery to a different level.  I'm no longer "white knuckling" my way through sobriety.  I'm creating intrinsic motivation for myself which makes it a lot easier to stand strong during those times of temptation.

As a brother who clearly understands what you're going through, my hope is that you learn this lesson faster than I did.  Our flesh is weak, but God uses us at BG to teach each other tools that increase our chances of success.

Bless you brother, and thank you for sharing.

So my friend will you accept my narrow door challenge? Already it seems like you are doing most of them any way

I fully understand the whole counting the cost, but part of the challenge is just that. If you look at The things on The list most if not all of them we as followers of Jesus should be doing already. The challenge comes in finding out why each of us isn't.

If this puts you in any kind of danger then don't do it. You know the rules better than I do.

24 hours of integrity. Thank you Lord

Jonathan,

Ridat,

You've been some very good points. First, about resentment; that inner voice that complains about my family or my marriage. For much of my marriage, I looked at the negative. Why do I have to spend so much time for my kids? I want to do my own thing! Why does it cost so much money? Why is my home such a mess?

All of these resentments fuel my anger and my desire to act out. And for the most part, these resentments were not justified. They were lies from the devil. So this past year, I noticed that it was so important to make myself accountable to working with my wife and my family, and working with God; and not against them. Ultimately, I really did want to be a better husband, a better father, and a better Christian. I just didn't want to do the work. Which leads to your second point, laziness.

For me, laziness was a killer. Perhaps my self-neglect would not have immediate effects, but over time, it would lead to a lower level of integrity and strength. If I continue to be lazy in my attempts to increase my connections with my wife, family, and God, well then, no wonder I have no ability to withstand the temptation avoid P. For me, relapse doesn't just happen. It's first preceded by negative thinking and complacency.

Good job, Ridat!