If anyone is brave enough to venture about control.

For me, I not only thought I was being controlled.  I thought of it as lack of freedom and pain.  That's what I felt when I left my ex back in 2001.  All I could feel is entitlement, pain, s*x.  I was so caught up in my pain that I could not see the pain that I was causing. 

I've had my own share of abandonment issues, and an instance where a former accountability partner took advantage of my vulnerability to get a s*x fix from me.

I blamed my ex for the lack of s*x in our marriage.

And I used it as fuel to drive me to act out with P, MB, prostitutes.

And I ultimately left her feeling that I was not the only one who had a problem.

I really had a difficult time feeling any other feelings other than s*x at that time.  I was pretty messed up even though most people would view me as a God-fearing, Bible-believing Christian.  But I had not really died to my flesh at that time.  I had not given God control of my life.

When I left, I felt "On Top of the World".  I didn't get back on the horse of recovery until I got arrested, July 18, 2004...

I'm not sure if I'm making any sense, but I do believe that of the regulars here, I probably have the best chance of knowing what your husband is going through.  I'm sorry about your marriage.  I can't promise you that your husband is going to "get it".  And I can actually understand what he's going through and why he wants to leave the marriage and relationship.  I honestly believe that your husband is simply not intrincally motivated enough to die to himself and let God take control.  It's very wrong, but that's how PAs think.  So please.  Take good care of yourself.  Develop your relationship with God.  Lean on and put your trust in Him, because people let you down.


And I believe that our God is powerful and faithful enough to carry you through all burdens.  May the Holy Spirit's presence surround both you and your daughter.  And may you find peace during this trying time in your life.

I would have loved being friends with your husband. He and I are very much alike.

And I would agree that WI is extremely strong. I've put her through so much. Yet I still feel her love and forgiveness. Thank you, Lord.

How does closure feel? Is it good to have made the decision, or was it easier when you weren't sure?

I am sorry that your husband wasn't able to seriously pursue recovery.

BNB,
Your husband deserves a chance.  I have a very dangerous idea and it's a bit less subtle than having your husband's 'butt kicked.'  They call it Prayer.
My hope for you is that you make that decision on your own i.e. a decision that is entirely your choosing and not influenced by members on this forum, despite how well-meaning you think they are.  It is your life and you will be held accountable to God one day for all such decisions.  So it's important to make the right one and seek out a second opinion from qualified professionals outside of this forum.  

Sweet steve,
 Your heart is so where it should be and it speaks volumes to me. volumes that youre not even aware of. No the kicking butt was a joke from me as well. Actually hard to joke about anything on this topic . Here is some truth from my heart. Ive brought up divorce lately to my husband letting him know that it appears we might be at that point.. Also letting him know that since our separation The lack of wanting to see me, talk to me , and the taking away all boundaries for himself , buying another phone and going back to no filter on it after a year of having a ph with a block , and getting caught acting out over and over since he left and not one desire to build trust in me which I am desparate for .Plus the lack of sorrow, emotion or repentance has just made me hopeless. Hopeless is a word a Christian should never use.
  Well anyway, the word divorce brings out nothing in him, no emotion, no desperation to change, pretty much an oh well type of attitude. I do not want a divorce.I did not want a separation, but had no choice. allowing him to stay was just enabling him. Right now he has regressed back to 20 years ago before his journey of recovery to now seeing through blinded eyes again and seeing boundaries and filters and accountability as "controlling". And him being a surviver of abuse , control is an enormous issue that needs serious trauma  work to be dealt with. Im afraid hes burnt out on counseling as our most recent counselor was NOT what he professed to be. We were crushed.
  It all is most definitely a spiritual issue, but everything in life is. particularly those things having to with sin, hardened hearts and healing. I just don't know what else to do.If I could wave a magic wand  I would have him come back humbled by the experience , see the addiction and childhood for what they really are , see and FEEL what it has done to me, our family and how much love and and forgiveness and how much of the holy spirit it took for me  to stay so very long. To see how that is so taken for granted,to be appreciated for that. my heart still aches at the misplaced anger toward me that is still there when it should be the opposite.
  If that would happen , I seriously would probably wrap my arms around him in love and just sob. But it doesn't happen ever. I pray every day.Ive fasted,I even send prayers in texts sometimes. sweet ones. but they make him angry or defensive. The anger that comes with this addiction just blows me away sometimes.
  But Steve, you have a different kind of character.And you are not the first addict to "get it", nor are the other men here. I honestly don't know why my husband isn't one of them.  Alot of it upbringing, callousness being taught in the home, pride,mother issues, childhood defensiveneness. Mostly a personal belief that to admit your wrongs and go to a place of humility before your wife is the utmost weakness. That is a big one. easier to blame or project. But believe me if I could find one thing in him that looks like he is fightting for his marriage, I would not be thinking divorce.Even just hear the words, but I don't.
  but no one here influenced it, except maybe seeing the men on here and what true recovery looks like again.And many other men in my groups. And seeing the place of honor so many men put their wives on, in gratitude for staying and in gratitude for jesus.

Hi HS3,I got your points and I accept them.  My perception may have been a bit skewed but I honestly felt that a view was being posted of the inevitability of dissolution e.g. lawyers, end of marriage, the phrase that I knew at the time was a joke etc.  I can tell I have offended you so I will say sorry.  Deep down I was over-caring and reading too much into things.  In a sense I had been a little over-protective of a defending a marriage.  I guess this all makes me wrong.
This is very unfortunate for me as I had started to take an extended break from the forum for personal reasons only to come back with a renewed interest.  I think I will have to now go with my original decision.