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Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2015 15:16:32 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Jun 22, 2015 3:45:54 GMT -7
A little bit of resistance goes a long way. Focus on small triumphs!
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Daniela
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Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Jun 24, 2015 7:58:08 GMT -7
Well, I've blown it again last night and so I'm back to square 1 now :-(. It's so hard to break this vicious cycle, however I think it's high time, as yesterday it marked 3 months that I fell back into this habit of M and O. It's really difficult to rewire the brain, as it is used to this kind of reward because of all these years of self-pleasure. I know a husband will not solve all of my challenges, but I think it would help quite a bit. Please pray for me!
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2015 21:59:23 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Jun 24, 2015 23:46:11 GMT -7
Daniela,
If you go under the resources thread, you'll see where Mike Genung (the owner of Blazing Grace) has offered his book(s) for free if you private message him with your address.
We have both books and they are good. We just started his 100 Day Devotional and both my husband and I were blessed after just day one. They are short one day devos with Scripture and honesty about PA and what it does to the brain and marriage.
Mike talks about HOW many times he tried to quit and would fall back into P and M again and again.
Steve is right. Is there possibly some triggers? I know I've read the P and M is as addictive as heroin or cocaine and it does rewire the brain.
I've even heard some people when they start to fantasize, they'll wear a rubber band around their wrists and snap themselves when they feel the dissociation coming one in their brains.
Don't give up! You're doing a great job opening up and being honest! I will continue to hold you up in prayers to our Savior who is able to do ABOVE all we ask or think and he's able to pull down any stronghold in our lives!
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KevinesKay
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Posts: 1,639 
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 237
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Post by KevinesKay on Jun 26, 2015 15:00:57 GMT -7
Thanks for sharing, Daniela. Don't give up. You're doing well to keeping us posted. These things can be very hard to turn over to God. I can see that there is some desire in you to be married. But meanwhile, while you are single, I hope that you are taking advantage of your days to make your life meaningful. What I mean is that you have a consistent relationship with God, you're reading the Bible, you're maintaining healthy friendships with other women, you're taking care of your physical health, you're practicing good hobbies. Without these things, it's easy for an addict to get resentful of his/her life and use that as fuel to act out. I know that to be true in my case. Daniela wrote: I want to challenge you to surrender this desire over to God. Yes, we all want to be loved. And we want to be happy. But we simply do not know and understand if and when God opens the door for a relationship in anyone's life. Many PAs, including myself, have made the excuse, "If I was married, my desires to have s*x or be loved would be fulfilled." It was that notion that got me in trouble. I felt entitled to act out when I entertained that "poor me" syndrome. Paul, the apostle, lived life as a single man, and he did well with that. Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife. 1 Corinthians 7:27
9"And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." 10The disciples said to Him, "If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry."11But He said to them, "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given.…Matt 19:9-11
Jesus also understood, along with Paul, the challenges of being married. It's not our fantasies come true.
Before I married WI, I was living a celibate life by choice, and it was turning out the be the best time of my life back then.
My point is not to envy someone else's marital status, whether single or married. God wants us to be content in any state we're in. I'm sure that there are a lot of married women that wish they were in your shoes, particularly after experiencing the pain of betrayal by their own husbands. And I'm also sure that you desire to have some of the things that wives have, a lifelong partner, a wedding, children, s*x. But as I mentioned before, I do not view these as God-given needs. I view them as privileges that need to be surrendered to Him. And I think that is a lot harder than just giving up P, or MB, or O. But when we choose to finally, painfully, turn them over to God's care, the reward is huge.
May God's power and peace rest well on you, sister. You are in my prayers. And I look forward to hearing more about your journey toward wholeness.
Your brother in Christ,
KK |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 28, 2015 9:10:01 GMT -7
My husband has found that having a wife does not fix his problem, because his problem is not 'need for relations' but rather it's lust and power and pleasure and control. So while maybe having a wife reduces the frequency at which he is tempted to act out, it doesn't eliminate his temptation by any means.
And beyond that, his addiction has bled into our marriage in many ways.
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KevinesKay
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Posts: 1,639
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 237
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Post by KevinesKay on Jul 2, 2015 16:28:36 GMT -7
Hey Daniela,
I've been reading the book, "Every Woman's Battle". I wonder if you've read it before. I think it offers some good solutions to establishing boundaries for the mind, spirit, body, and emotions.
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Daniela
Member
Posts: 71
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Jul 3, 2015 0:17:14 GMT -7
Dear All,
Thank you all for your input and encouragement. I'm on day 10 of my reboot today and I'm doing pretty good. I still have some cravings to engage in self-pleasure again, but it's getting better. I've learned a little exercise to redirect my sexual energy into other parts of the body, and this seems to be working somehow.
@steve: As for triggering this, I think it's mainly the fact that I have hormones like any other female, and I'm at the peak of my sexual performance, like any other woman between age 30-35 and menopause. Plus I had sex in the past - with the two boyfriends that I had before I got baptized at 23. This of course makes it double difficult for me now not to crave sex on a regular basis. After all, I got a taste of how wonderful marital sex could be, but I've been waiting for it to happen for 20 years now...
KevinesKay: I agree with you that we have to learn to be content in every life situation; and I'm also aware that marriage won't solve all of my issues. In fact, I'm grateful how the Lord has opened doors for me and has given me opportunities to learn and to serve Him in ways that would have never been possible with a husband. But after 20 years of waiting and praying, I feel more than ready now to be married. I'm thankful though that the Lord has taken away my desire for children, since I'm already 43, and thus this would be difficult now anyway.
As for the book "Every Woman's Bettle", I have read it, and I actually just received "Every Single Woman's battle"; a workbook which I hope will be helpful to me.
Anyway, I'll be traveling in 7 different countries in the coming 2 1/2 months and I'll be meeting like-minded Christians at every place. Of course I have some hopes now that something will happen during this time in terms of a relationship, but I'm trying not to focus too much on that. I guess I just have to wait and see what the Lord has in store for me each day, and count his abundant blessings in my life. |
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2015 7:48:31 GMT -7
Oh, what countries will you be visiting?
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Daniela
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Posts: 71
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Jul 5, 2015 8:44:41 GMT -7
US, Belgium, Germany, Norway, Sweden, Serbia and Hungary! :-)
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KevinesKay
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Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 237
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Post by KevinesKay on Jul 6, 2015 5:45:59 GMT -7
Here's a chip for your acheivement, Daniela. 10 days is really a great gift. Great job!
I hope you get a chance to check in with Blazing Grace while you're away. That's the benefit of online groups such as this. You can move a thousand miles away, and you don't have to say goodbye to your friends. 
Can you show us some pictures while you're away?
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Daniela
Member
Posts: 71
Occupation: Lifestyle Counselor
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Post by Daniela on Jul 6, 2015 9:15:10 GMT -7
Thank you KK! Send me a private message and I'll give you my blog address. I don't want to make it public here...
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wiltingiris
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Occupation: Stay at Home schooling mom
Interests: Worship ministries, Moms ministry, Awana, Childrens church.
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Post by wiltingiris on Jul 6, 2015 12:20:29 GMT -7
Wow, Daniela you sound like I did when I was a single mom alone with two boys. I was lonely and was just looked at as a mother and not a sexual being I felt like I was going to remain single forever. I was vulnerable and addicted to porn and masturbation but not as severe it was an off and on thing. I was able to say no but I could not get rid of the burn. It was very difficult. That left me open to really bad choices in men because I felt the need. Although I loved the Lord I could not stay sober and felt ashamed and dirty before God. I was constantly repenting and falling off the wagon. I prayed for a husband and cried out to God to take it away from me this awful desire. I became like this after being molested and then raped since very little. I would fantasize of getting circumcised so I wouldn't feel it no more I felt a slave. To my flesh, I sought out help from a sister after she was outspoken of her sex life in a women's meeting but she hung up on me when I confessed I was a sex addict. I was misunderstood and never got help. When I met my husband and he told me he was a sex addict I thought it would be the same thing as I was going through but in a sense it is not. Women cannot get enough of the man and masturbation for me did not quench the desires I felt to get laid. My husband as an addict would quench his desire for the moment by masturbating and then would not need me and I would be left high and dry. A double whammy when you have to sleep next to your hot husband and he does not want sex ever. I was doubly troubled. I guess I can say I understand I was there. Sometimes still am. The only difference is that I am married but I still do not find it okay to masturbate but have fallen in to it myself in marriage. I guess that is why I have so much compassion for my husband because I have been there in a way.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 6, 2015 17:02:09 GMT -7
Wiltingiris: - Wow, what a testimony and an absolute inspiration to everyone.
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