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Post by Deleted on May 18, 2015 18:49:06 GMT -7
I thought it about time that I too started a log for accountability purposes. I've been P & M free for just over a week, which given I've only reached the "week" mark less than about 10 ten times in nearly 20 years, is a good thing! I have definitely noticed over the last couple of days though it has been really hard to read the Bible and spend time with the Lord. My previous history when trying to break free follows a similar pattern, I start off really good and then as my urges increase a few days in I break fellowship with the Lord and fall into sin again. I'm really hoping that this doesn't happen this time and i find jumping on this site and reading others' success really motivates me, so thanks.
On a bright note, I got back from a work trip to Bangkok over the weekend yesterday morning and for only about the second time in 6 years, I didn't look at P or even contemplate M whilst I was away. So I was pretty happy with that. I did however find my eyes and mind wandering off on a couple of occasions whilst out and about, but I am very pleased as psychologically it was a big achievement for me....I haven't been able to go on a work trip for a number of years and not act out.
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2015 0:57:06 GMT -7
Praise God and don't give up this time even if you have to post on here daily. Just take it one minute at a time. Even if you can write down one verse and memorize and focus on it. I wouldn't beat yourself up over not being able to read the Bible and pray. This one week is a victory in and of itself. Or, perhaps you can listen to the Bible audio. That's what my husband does even when he sleeps. At night is when he is tempted the most.
Even our thoughts our prayers and her hears those too. Perhaps finding a support group and a sponsor would be the next best thing.
All I can say for now is PRAISE GOD!
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2015 1:06:00 GMT -7
FTR, my hubby and I have been separated for ever 8 months b/c he had so many relapses that I think he gave up. This forced him to really look hard at what he's done. He's been sober for that long with the exception for 1 relapse.
My prayers are with you.
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KevinesKay
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Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on May 19, 2015 1:46:49 GMT -7
Congrats on the week, BC. Here's a chip.  And you sure said it. It's really hard for me to read my Bible and spend time with him too. That's why it's on my To-Do list. Even when I feel distant from Him, I still do it. It may be difficult, but not as difficult as going without it and then struggling to maintain custody of my eyes and thoughts throughout the day. I can honesty admit that if it weren't for the consistency of my daily quiet times with the Lord, I would not be sober. Isn't it amazing after only a week, we can see how much our lives have changed for the better? And nothing can take away that victory. The enemy has already lost that battle.  |
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2015 10:06:07 GMT -7
BC, hang in there Brother. You CAN do this. One of the things that I have used to help me is listening to scripture or sermons. Its not hard to find an audible bible. I have several. That helps. I also like to listen to Charles Stanley sermons. They are free and I have often listened to them when I go to bed. Instead of using MB as a method of going to sleep, I listen to Charles. Its amazing how easily I am able to sleep with Charles preaching to me. Something you might consider.
Again, I encourage you to get the book Every Man's Battle. It really put things in perspective for me...especially when it come to understanding the effect of my actions on my wife.
Take things one day, one hour, one minute at a time. The devil will work hard to keep you from succeeding, but if you do your part and keep your eyes focused on Jesus, you WILL beat this.
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Post by Deleted on May 19, 2015 15:31:19 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on May 20, 2015 23:00:34 GMT -7
Thank you all for the replies. I''m off to Bangkok again tomorrow and in some ways I am actually excited.....I have never done two work trips back to back without P or M and I plan on making this the first time. It is sometimes hard to decide the best plan of attack though; do I lock myself in my hotel room that has high speed internet or do I get out and about, only to be bombarded visually by scantily clad tourists every where I look. I think the former is the better choice personally, I've proven to myself this last week and a bit that I can use the internet beneficially, like doing porn recovery program's and reading the posts on this forum of course. B.O.M thanks for the sermon tip, I will certainly look him up whilst I am away. Steve, I know what you mean. There are certain computer games that I used to play that always resulted in me acting out and looking up P after, not sure why. I've had to stop playing them. So we have to always be on guard lest Satan use the opportunity to get us back into sin.
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Post by Deleted on May 21, 2015 13:10:09 GMT -7
That's good Brother BC, keep pressing on to the mark (St Paul).
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KevinesKay
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Post by KevinesKay on May 21, 2015 15:31:46 GMT -7
BC,
I just want to share how encouraged I am to see you progressing so well during these past few weeks. God is certainly doing great things in your life. Praise his name!
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2015 22:12:53 GMT -7
I got back from my trip over the weekend and guess what, P and M free for two trips in a row which I am pretty sure I have not done before. So that was a big deal for me. That's the good news. Unfortunately yesterday whilst I was home, which is normally a fairly safe environment I have found, I ended up letting temptation get the better of me. I am pretty disappointed. Having said that, I am getting straight back on the horse and trying again. I knew this is going to be a tough battle but rather than admit defeat like I would have previously once I failed, I've come straight back to Christ and admitted I messed up. So all I can say is I'm trying again.
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2015 22:22:59 GMT -7
Great job on the two trips!
Don't give up either! God will bless this effort.
Mike has some really good articles on here about getting started. His articles have helped both my H and I understand his side and mine. I think there is one called "The First 90 Days" that is about how tough that time range is to get sober.
I can see changed in my hubby already. He's so much calmer now.
You'll be in my prayers!!
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Post by Deleted on May 26, 2015 11:24:03 GMT -7
Thanks HS3, I'm going to read those articles. I thought I was trying pretty hard, but In retrospect I think I could do so much more. It's time to start doing a course of some sort and read more material like you suggested and some books that have been mentioned. I've got so much work to do in controlling my thoughts and mind, that's where it all starts for me. When I say I'm making a covenant with my eyes to look away from things that cause my mind to wander I have to mean it. So whilst I wasn't looking at P for two weeks and whilst I was away, my eyes and mind were still full of lust. If I can get better control over that, I know it will be that much easier. Thanks for your prayers, I really appreciate that.
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KevinesKay
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Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
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Post by KevinesKay on May 26, 2015 13:35:15 GMT -7
Hey BC,
Good job being honest. I'm glad that you didn't let the despair and condemnation of a slip keep you from getting back up. And you showed to yourself that you can overcome by refraining from acting out for 2 trips in a row.
for though the righteous fall seven times, they rise again, but the wicked stumble when calamity strikes.Proverbs 24:16
The "First 90-days" article that HS3 mentioned is one of my favorites. I revised some of my Disaster Recovery Plan based on some of mike's points in that article.
I would be interested to hear what sort of changes you intend to make in your life to deal with the thoughts of lust and ogling women. We're here for you. Be blessed.
KK
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2015 12:12:47 GMT -7
BC,
We have all failed along the way. Just proves your are human like the rest of us. The key is, you admitted it to yourself, to the rest of us here, and got back on that horse. That is the way the rest of us have had to fight this battle, and I suspect it is the way those that follow all of us will have to fight it as well. Just keep your eyes on Christ and you will win this battle.
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Post by Deleted on May 27, 2015 14:55:29 GMT -7
Thanks KK and BOM. KK, some of the changes I plan to make are ones that I knew from the beginning would probably be needed. I suppose I wasn't quite ready to give them up because they were feeding my lust in a way, so even though I thought I was doing well by not looking at P or M, I was still feeding the beast so to speak.
I really need to try harder to control my eyes and mind. That has by far been my major weakness to date. In all situations where I knew an attractive woman was walking past or someone not wearing much, rather than look away or focus on Christ, I would feed the lust. I have found even at Church in the summer has not been good, with inappropriate thoughts about some of the attractive women. I must stress that I am by no means passing blame to others who may dress with the less is best attitude, but I am simply being honest in describing how full of lust and weak I have been. It doesn't matter what someone is wearing if I can't get my own thoughts under control. So I know that by really making a proper effort in that regards, I can help my prayer life and keeping my focus indeed on Christ.
So some strategies I am implementing include not going out with the crew on my trips. I have been doing this for quite some time actually and it has helped immensely. I know it sounds anti social and it is and I feel a bit that way telling the Capt that I'm not coming out for drinks, but most times going out with the crew includes going to bars and clubs that are not my scene to begin with, only to be surrounded by alcohol, smoke and of course women. I went out with my crew about three weeks ago, the first time in a long time and it wasn't long until I remembered why I tend to stay in my room. The smoke, language, music and general scene were not what I believe a Christian should be mixing with. Especially one trying to break free from lust and P etc.
I also plan on giving my hotel swimming pools a wide berth, I have previously just gone and sat next to the pool with the intent to just ogle at the women in bikinis. Once again, not smart.
So most of my strategies are for whilst I am at work, if I remove myself from the tempting situation it will be a bit easier. To pass the time whilst I am away, and what worked these last two trips, I will simply be reading more of my Bible and I have a plethora of Christian websites that I like to visit regularly. I still haven't started some sort of course yet such as SCF, however that is also a must. As is being accountable. So here goes!
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