Uroy91 accountability record

Not a bad idea KK.  Are all/any if you in a better spot in sobriety now than two months ago?  Are you in a better relationship with God now than two months ago?
Nikanor

It's good to hear back from you, Al.  Don't drift away too long.  We all care for you and so I'm saying this to you because you are my friend.

I know we all want to be sober.  We want to be fixed.  I spent the first 10 years jumping through all sorts of hoops to stay away from porn.  I memorized scripture, fasted, prayed, wore a white bandana around my leg, did a research study on porn and its ill-effects, went to several meetings per week, and so on.  But my agenda was to stop porn.  I didn't feel I could move on with my life until I beat it.  

But God had a different agenda.  He didn't care about my sobriety.  What he cared about was my relationship with Him.  And until I took my focus off the addiction, and started to focus on God and his will for me did life take a different turn.

Now God doesn't promise me sobriety.  There's no magic formula or cure that I have to offer to fix this.  But one thing I know for certain.  Trying to beat this addiction solely by depending on my internet filters and physical boundaries would be harder than winning a one on one basketball game against Michael Jordan.  The fact is I can act out millions of different ways at work and at home.  Any block I set for myself can easily be broken.  I've worked with K-9 before, and I know I can get through K-9 like a hot knife through butter.

So for me, my foundation for recovery rests in abiding in Jesus.  That is my first and primary line of defense.  Other tools and boundaries are useful too and have their merit.  But I don't know a single circumstance in which someone has overcome this addiction without placing a strong emphasis on his/her relationship with God.  Please consider changing the direction in which you're going about this.  Your strategy, to me, doesn't seem like it's going to be that effective.  Putting this energy into strengthening your relationship with God will be more effective.

I would still encourage you to find other ways to measure your progress.  Your sobriety is not an ultimate definition of your recovery.  Make time to do some good things for yourself.  Whatever they are; praying, reading the Bible, making new friends, getting involved in a club, exercising, playing an instrument.  Where do you feel God's pleasure in your life?  Where do you feel fast?  And then allow us to hold you accountable to these things.  You owe yourself this as an amends.  Don't be like me saying, "I've got to lick this porn thing before I can move on with my life."  I did that for at least 10 years, and it got me nowhere.  You'll be in a much more ahead of the game than I was if you consider this.  Then, if you slip or relapse, so what.  You'll at least have done some other things to make your life count.

I love you, Al.  I won't let you go without a fight.  So please stick with this, and you'll be grateful down the road.

Your friend and brother in Christ,

Kevin

Hello. As i promised to Kevin, I'm posting to let you know I'm here and I've not given up.
I still have my relationship with God issue and I still struggle. Unfortunately I learned how to bypass K9 completely so no help from you and your wife will help me with the blocker anymore.
That's a bad thing because it gives me a way to sink my frustration in porn rater than solving my real issue.
I agree with you Kevin. The relationship is way more important than the blocker, but as long as I limited my access to porn I would be less tempted to solve things trough porn. Without that access I would soon stop trying and I'd rather focus on God for help.
I feel sorry for having bypassed K9, because your wife was really willing to help me with that, but that ain't gonna work anymore. So pray for me brothers and sisters and I'll pray for you.

Uroy, I am praying for you.  I pray that God gives you the strength to take things one day, one hour, one minute at a time.  I pray God walks with you and gives you the strength and courage to face your addiction head on.  I pray you listen to your heart and take the actions God wants you to take.  This I pray in Jesus' name.  Aman.
May I also suggest you look for a local SAA chapter.  You might also want to read Every Man's Battle.  It helped me.  Finally, Nikanor recommended I take a 60 day course called Setting Captives Free.  The link to it is in my Introduction thread.  I have been doing the course for almost a week now and I find it gives me a lot of strength.
I know you can do this Uroy....you just have to decide to let God help you.