where did everyone go?

Traffic here seems to me to have been pretty low for a long time.  When a board gets small, it's always easy for it to get smaller.  Somebody relapses and leaves.  Someone else decides that a different forum is a better place for them.  A disagreement erupts and someone gets offended.  If only 10 or 15 people are posting regularly, each of those events has a big impact.

As the board shrinks, too, each peculiar and difficult person left becomes a larger and larger part of the community, making it harder and harder for new folks to join.  And on a board like this, we're all peculiar and difficult in some way or another.

I was part of a real church that went that way once, imperceptibly losing a member at a time and leaving a residuum of the needy and eccentric until it became such an ingrown community that attracting new membership became essentially impossible and it disbanded.

I hope that's not what's happening here.  I think BG has the potential to be a really important resource and ministry.  I'm delighted the site can still attract someone like yourself.  All it would take would be a little blip of 10-20 new members able to share and to listen to make the site feel vibrant and look attractive to other newcomers.  I wish I knew how to create that blip and start that virtuous cycle.

May I also say that I worry about my own presence here?  I'm not an Evangelical Christian, and my own style is not equally appealing to everyone.  I've stayed because I think the site is important, because I want there always to be people here to welcome newcomers, and because I think my experience, strength and hope might be useful to some; but I also worry about whether my style and opinions might push others away.  Let me say to everyone what I have said to Mike G: that if in the opinion of the folks here my continued presence is standing in the way of board health and growth, then I would be perfectly prepared to bid you all a fond farewell and to ride off into the sunset.  The moment I become part of the problem and not part of the solution, I hope I'll be invited to do just that.

Peace,

Tim M.

Wow. I did not know about that . That is really sad . Makes me angry to think someone would do that .

Teetop you have some very good ideas. There is an area in everyone's profiles that allows you to share email and other contact info as you see fit. One of the things I ask the moderators to do is check in with members that haven't posted in awhile by posting in a thread they started or by pm.

I would love to see the members start using custom avatars. It gets boring looking at the same one all the time which is why I change up the default avatar from time to time.

I would have to check on the ability to send out messages to members that haven't posted in awhile. Although I personally don't like canned messages and would rather not use them. If we could keep things personal, friendly, individual that would be ideal.

After being on BG for over a year, and watching people come and go. I've talked with hundred of Christians that struggle with P and MB. And the only thing that I think about why a place like BG will get so few active members is that it's CHRISTIAN. Let me explain,

S*x and addiction are already terms that are highly associated with shame. So finding fellowships, forums, and resources to address these sensitive issues is already challenging enough. But despite that, I was involved with various S-fellowships. And there was really never a shortage of members. I always found people showing up and showing interest to recover.

But I don't think that is true with the church. I cannot explain it. It shouldn't be so, but I firmly believe that Christians in the church still deal with this requirement that says, "I have to be perfect, to be accepted." So church becomes this "new car showroom" where we put on our best suits, act like we're all happy, and there are no problems. We end up not really knowing one another. Because we are afraid that if people knew the deep, dark secrets inside us, no one would love us or accept us. Sure, we'll talk and deal with little sins like failing to pray, or showing up late, or complaining. But when it comes to s*xual sin, we'd rather sweep it under the rug. And if we do bring up an addiction to P and MB, people only want to share so much. They want to deal with it by doing some short quick fix, and move on. Christians are not prepared for the life long battle that P and MB calls for. Nor do Christians really want to be transparent. Transparency is tough, but I know a lot of non-Christians that show this level of transparency that I simply do not find in my church. And believe me, I've looked.

With the new Christian men's site, I've help start, we've run into dozens of men asking for help. But when help arrives, they back out. Maybe Christians want a quick fix. I mean, we pray to God for stuff, he gives it to us, and we're happy and grateful, and then we move on. I know that I wish it was that easy.

And I really don't know what to do about changing this trend. I cannot change the church. And I cannot make these men that want help to stick around. All I can do is love and accept them, right where they are.

The one thing that all members, whether Christian or not, need to remember and keep in mind is BG's Terms of Service. We are are a Christian board and will not accept posts that try to lead people astray from the faith. I have only run into one post that tried that in the time I have been here and it was quickly taken down. We do welcome non-believers but they need to understand that this is a Christian site and ministry.