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Post by Deleted on Jul 20, 2011 3:08:46 GMT -7
This is just an initial excerpt, but the article does discuss how intimacy anorexia and sexual addiction co-exist.
EXCERPT FROM: www.drjanicecaudill.com/intimacy-anorexia.html"... What is Intimacy Anorexia? Intimacy anorexia involves a pattern in which one or both members in a relationship, typically the primary committed relationship, put up barriers, avoid, or withhold nurturing the relationship. The pattern is not merely isolated to a single type of behavior but occurs across different spheres of intimacy. So, although "we just don't talk" might be a symptom of intimacy anorexia, this alone would not be sufficient for diagnosing the syndrome. In intimacy anorexia the lack of "talk" is not compensated by nonverbal communication and serves to weaken the sense of emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual, and/or sexual closeness and attachment to each other. The intimacy anorexic restricts the free flow of love much the way a food anorexic restricts the intake of food. Because it is not nourished, the relationship withers. The individuals in the relationship wither as well. Deprivation from the anorexia can result in a sense of emotional isolation that can leave both of you, but particularly the partner, feeling that despite being married, you are alone in this relationship. Given that some researchers contend that emotional isolation is a more dangerous health risk than either cigarettes or high blood pressure, the individual impact of intimacy anorexia can be enormous...."
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Post by Deleted on Jul 22, 2011 3:48:04 GMT -7
This is just an initial excerpt, but the article does discuss how intimacy anorexia and sexual addiction co-exist. EXCERPT FROM: www.drjanicecaudill.com/intimacy-anorexia.html"... What is Intimacy Anorexia? Intimacy anorexia involves a pattern in which one or both members in a relationship, typically the primary committed relationship, put up barriers, avoid, or withhold nurturing the relationship. The pattern is not merely isolated to a single type of behavior but occurs across different spheres of intimacy. So, although "we just don't talk" might be a symptom of intimacy anorexia, this alone would not be sufficient for diagnosing the syndrome. In intimacy anorexia the lack of "talk" is not compensated by nonverbal communication and serves to weaken the sense of emotional, intellectual, physical, spiritual, and/or sexual closeness and attachment to each other. The intimacy anorexic restricts the free flow of love much the way a food anorexic restricts the intake of food. Because it is not nourished, the relationship withers. The individuals in the relationship wither as well. Deprivation from the anorexia can result in a sense of emotional isolation that can leave both of you, but particularly the partner, feeling that despite being married, you are alone in this relationship. Given that some researchers contend that emotional isolation is a more dangerous health risk than either cigarettes or high blood pressure, the individual impact of intimacy anorexia can be enormous...." I am so glad you posted this. I think that many porn users are actually suffering from intimacy issues. Those issues drive them to seek pleasure with porn, rather than the spouse, because the spouse is too intimate. Honestly, I think this is an entirely different problem, then the sddict who chooses his wife, but she isn't enough, when she's away. It's very disheartening for people to assume,(and they do) that I somehow made my husband seek porn, either by not putting out sexually, etc. Throughout our marriage, I have the the wanton one. In fact, I don't think I have turned him down at all. I am not allowed to initiate though, so he's in complete control of when we have sex. He would still prefer the porn though. When we first got married, after I discovered the porn issue, I was under the illusion that he was only falling when I was at work, etc. He actually explained that he would anxiously await my leaving, so that he could look at, and masturbate to the porn. He actually wanted a pat on the back, for not fantasizing about other women during our honeymoon. He was unable to perform with me, and said,"In the past, I would have just fantasized about others." He seriously was proud of himself. We were newlyweds and he already needed to think of others to be stimulated?! The thing is, he was so attracted to me for a couple of months, so it's not like he thought I was ugly. I think in his case, he needs variety, new and different. Perhaps it even needs to be illicit. I don't know. I really don't understand why he got married.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2011 3:48:15 GMT -7
I exchanged e-mails with Dr. Caudill. She could not refer me directly to a therapist in my area who is trained in the trauma model for spouses/intimacy anorexia issues. She suggested that I contact the Amerian Association of Sex Addiction Therapy at 719-330-2425. I called them this morning and while their nearest therapists were in Michigan and New York (not an option), they offer phone counseling. I have a phone counseling appointment with a FEMALE THERAPIST who embraces the trauma model for spouses and who treats partners of intimacy anorexics later this afternoon. I'll let you know how it goes.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2011 4:11:08 GMT -7
I exchanged e-mails with Dr. Caudill. She could not refer me directly to a therapist in my area who is trained in the trauma model for spouses/intimacy anorexia issues. She suggested that I contact the Amerian Association of Sex Addiction Therapy at 719-330-2425. I called them this morning and while their nearest therapists were in Michigan and New York (not an option), they offer phone counseling. I have a phone counseling appointment with a FEMALE THERAPIST who embraces the trauma model for spouses and who treats partners of intimacy anorexics later this afternoon. I'll let you know how it goes. Awesome!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2011 8:39:22 GMT -7
WOW!! I am WOWED by the response I got from the therapist I spoke with.
SHE GETS IT! SHE GETS IT! SHE GETS IT!!!!!!
She was married to a sex addict for 15 years. She understands. She gets it. She's willing to help.
We spoke today for an hour ($60.00) and she invited me to join two group therapy sessions as a guest, one for spouses of sex addicts and the other for spouses of intimacy anorexics. I'm going to listen in to the group for intimacy anorexics today at 4 PM EST.
Wow. She gets it. When I related some of the stuff my marital therapist has said and done, she literally laughed out loud.
WOW. I feel a sense of peace, like there is hope, like I've found another lifeline.
Ladies.........if you're struggling..........call these people. A woman answered the phone and a woman is my new therapist. They get it.
My best, DW
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2011 9:13:09 GMT -7
Cool!!!
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2011 10:21:20 GMT -7
Wonderful!
Finding the right person to work with, and getting the affirmation that comes from that, is a precious blessing.
Tim M.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2011 11:13:19 GMT -7
Visited as a guest in a group therapy session for partners of sex addicts today. They use the 12-step model and a workbook that includes 100 exercises for wives.
I'm not sick. He is. Why does everyone assume that my life, before this revelation, was unmanageable, that some super secret spook in the sky(who didn't protect me from this mess) is now going to swoop down and save me......and another thing........why the assumption that I need to make amends to ANYONE? Wasn't I the one keeping all the balls in the air while he was lost in lustland?
More BS........ Well........that group is not for me.
Next?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2011 11:54:15 GMT -7
Hi DW,
I don't understand why a counselor who uses the trauma model would have recommended that group. I hope the other one is better.
TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Aug 1, 2011 11:56:17 GMT -7
Thanks, Truthseeker. I don't understand it either. The Couselor who recommended the group is the counselor I spoke with one on one and she moderates/facilites the group. I was told she embraces the trauma model. Seems like the same old co-dependent model to me...........
Sign me, Not Interested.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 3, 2011 8:56:06 GMT -7
I attended a group therapy session for wives of intimacy anorexics today. It brought me to tears.
This is where I need to be. I've come to the realization that the damage that has been done to me throughout the decades relates more to the underlying intimacy disorder than the sex addiction. Sex addiction is a symptom. The intimacy disorder is the root cause and that which has done the most damage to me.
The group meets once a week, via phone, for 1.5 hours. The wives that spoke today used some of my exact words to describe how they feel. I really think I've found a healing place.
For a referral, please contact the Amerian Association of Sex Addiction Therapy at 719-330-2425.
Best, DW
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Post by Deleted on Aug 3, 2011 9:05:57 GMT -7
I have lived much of my life without intimacy and actually prefer not to have it. I have enough intimacy to cope with life. Some people are not made to be intimate and that's why some people are made to be single all their lives.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 3, 2011 9:43:45 GMT -7
I have lived much of my life without intimacy and actually prefer not to have it. I have enough intimacy to cope with life. Some people are not made to be intimate and that's why some people are made to be single all their lives. Are you married, or single?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2011 2:56:36 GMT -7
I'm dumbfounded by your statement: " I have lived much of my life without intimacy and actually prefer not to have it." That leaves me speechless....almost.
Don't you realize that porn is a really poor substitute for true intimacy? That it's nothing but ersatz intimacy? The porn has plugged your need for intimacy with ersatz intimacy! The idea that you can just "go it alone" is very much part and parcel of addictive thinking and the addictive cycle.
If you stop plugging the hole with ersatz intimacy, your need for true intimacy will resurface. You've just buried it under the piles of porn.
You've confused cause and effect. The upside down, backwards thinking of addiction never ceases to amaze me.
May you find peace.
My best, DW
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Post by Deleted on Aug 4, 2011 6:25:37 GMT -7
Be gentle, everyone. guitarist is single, and I think he's shared before having Asperger's syndrome, which makes it difficult for people to perceive the emotions of others, and which might well cause him to prefer a solitary and less confusing life. My apologies if I've said something I shouldn't or that is wrong, guitarist. I'm just trying to make a person I think of as a gentle friend seem more understandable.
Tim M.
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