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Jan 30, 2011 14:03:34 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2011 14:03:34 GMT -7
Well, I'm asking for prayer for my husband and for me. Today, I came home at mid-day to find my husband falling down drunk and asking me to shoot him. I took him to the hospital instead. They wouldn't keep him as he did not meet the admissions criteria for inpatient treatment.
An addict is an addict is an addict. He may be "sober" from sexual acting out, but he's still an addict.
Im tired. I don't deserve this. I've had it.
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Jan 30, 2011 17:47:38 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2011 17:47:38 GMT -7
You have my prayers. I'm sorry you have to deal with this. I wish I had better words to comfort you.
My Best,
Allalone
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Jan 30, 2011 23:55:26 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jan 30, 2011 23:55:26 GMT -7
May you be joyful.
May you be free.
May you be released from suffering and the causes of suffering.
May you dwell in openness and space.
May you feel embraced.
May you find serenity.
May you bring blessings to those around you.
May you know who you truly are.
Tim M.
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Jan 31, 2011 1:32:59 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2011 1:32:59 GMT -7
Thank you, Tim.
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Jan 31, 2011 17:59:03 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Jan 31, 2011 17:59:03 GMT -7
YOU WILL NEVER WALK ALONE by point of grace
Along life's road there will be sunshine and pain, roses and thorns, laughter and pain ,and cross the miles you will face mountains so steep, deserts so long and valleys so deep.Sometimes the journeys gentle, sometimes the cold winds blow ,but i want you to remember ,i want you to know.
You will never walk alone, as long as you have faith, jesus will be right beside you all the way .You, feel you're far from home, home is where he is, he'll be there to lift the load, you will never wall alone.
The paths will wind, you will find wonders and fears, labours of love, and few falling tears. Across the years there will be, some twists and turns, mistakes to make, and lessons to learn. Sometimes the journey's gentle, sometimes the cold winds blow ,but i want you to remember wherever you may go
(chorus)
Jesus loves your joy, Jesus loves your need, he will go the distance with you, faithfully.
(END.)
sincerely in my prayers..
God bless
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2011 3:25:02 GMT -7
My husband is now seeking intensive outpatient therapy. He should be in a program by the end of the week. And he has a referral to a psychiatrist.
I'm numb.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2011 5:17:39 GMT -7
Praying... TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Feb 3, 2011 9:07:47 GMT -7
Sometimes that sort of thing can be just what we need finally to take the problem seriously enough. I know a number of folks, for instance, for whom jail was the start of a new life of very serious recovery.
Of course, you can't make any of that happen. Do keep breathing, keep living in the present, and keep taking care of yourself.
Tim M.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 4, 2011 4:11:18 GMT -7
Thank you all for your prayers and concern.
Things I'd recently noticed that with hindsight I believe telegraphed a relapse:
1. He'd been lying about a number of things.....little things.......but lying nonetheless. The lying seemed to be on an upswing.
2. He'd been using an afrin inhaler to treat nasal congestion, using it several times a day, against the directions......I guess to treat alcohol induced congestion.
3. He's been a lot more absent minded...........making mistakes.........lapses of logic.........inability to concentrate.
HIndsight is 20/20. But now I know what to look for in the future..........and I now know with absolute certainty that if I stay with him, I will forevermore be married to an addict.
Again, I appreciate all prayers and well wishes.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2011 4:02:41 GMT -7
Well, in the emergency room last Sunday, my "husband" promised to attend AA for three solid weeks. He attended his first AA meeting on Tuesday, second on Wednesday, third on Thursday.......and he decided to take Friday off. And he's informed me that he only agreed to go to AA five days a week, not seven.
He's already reniged on his promise and he's renegotiating the terms of his release from the hospital.
This is unbelievable.
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Feb 5, 2011 11:42:56 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2011 11:42:56 GMT -7
How much of that is because he perceives the promise as one made to you or to other outside forces rather than to himself?
I found early in my recovery that it was very powerful that my sponsor would not lay down the law but would turn questions around. I would ask, "Do I need to do XYZ?" and my sponsor would say, "What do you think?" or "How free do you want to be?" An order might have stirred up resistance, but I was forced to be honest with myself in the face of someone who was perfectly prepared to stand there if I again chose hell.
That may be completely inapplicable, but it's something I'm thinking about.
Tim M.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 6, 2011 6:30:14 GMT -7
Thank you, Tim........I appreciate your perspective.
I don't want to be and should not be the policeman. I think turning the question around on him will be very effective. Thank you again.
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Feb 11, 2011 4:00:15 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2011 4:00:15 GMT -7
He enrolled in an intensive outpatient therapy program last night that will require his attendance three nights a week for 3 hours a night for 12 weeks. He seems to think that is a lot. He seems to think he won' t need 12 weeks of therapy to unravel a 30 + year addiction history. Pfft. He was going to conveniently omit any mention of his sex addiction. He was going to deny attendance at a 12-step meeting prior to this. He was going to deny that his parents are alcoholics.
I am constantly amazed by the distorted thought process in which he engages and the pathologic lying.
I met with our therapist on Tuesday evening, ostensibly so she could help me deal with some of my anger over the way he has treated me throughout the years.......things he has done to me.........things he has failed to do, etc.
Her solution was to pray it away........ask Jesus to stand in for my husband and take the brunt of my anger and pain. According to her, he's all too willing to do that. BS. That's nice. Where was Jesus when all of this was going down in my life? Where was Jesus when I was crying out for him to intervene in my marriage? Crying out to him about my husband's lack of engagement? Where was Jesus when my husband was downloading porn and masturbating to it? Where was Jesus when my husband was drinking himself into oblivion? Where was Jesus throughout all of this? Now he's going to step in and take away my pain and anger? Yeah........I don't think so. I really don't believe anymore........Jesus is as real to me now as Santa Claus.
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Feb 11, 2011 13:12:10 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2011 13:12:10 GMT -7
Hi DW, Please, please do not throw out faith with the pain and anguish.
It is not posted yet, but our pastor recently shared a wonderful message about "fairy tale Christianity." He pointed out that there are many people throughout Scripture who suffered, and even died, without God intervening. God's thoughts are higher than my thoughts, and His ways higher than my ways, so I am unable to tell you why God seems to change some circumstances about which we pray, but not all. I do trust, though, that I will have understanding of His sovereignty in Heaven. These are some understandings I have reached through pain and struggles in my life. Jesus came to bridge the gulf that my sin left between me and God, so that in placing my trust in Him, that I would not have to be separated from God for eternity, not to make this life trouble-free. God's gift of free will is a double-edged sword. I may use it to bless others, but they can use it to hurt me. Even as a believer, I suffer consequences of the fall, accidents and natural disasters, sickness, and death. Even if people who claim to be believers hurt me, it does not change the truth of God's Word. I, alas, have also hurt others with my words and deeds. If we ceased to sin and be affected by the consequences of the fall when we became believers, instant gratification, then it wouldn't involve faith, would it? Despite what some people claim to extract from Scripture and teach, Jesus is not at all like Santa, sent to make our material desires appear, or a genie, to make all our wishes come true. He was sent so we can be rescued from our default destiny, separation from God, suffering with Satan and the fallen angels for all eternity. He never sinned, but did know temptation, physical suffering and emotional heartache, so He empathizes with our suffering. If there is to be any hope of healing the relationship between you and your husband, he must accept responsibility for the impact of his actions and inactions. Even if he finally gets it and does everything within his power to gain freedom from his lengthy bondage, healing and rebuilding trust will be a long process, not miraculously accomplished through a single prayer. If he will not, then you begin the long and difficult journey of grieving the death of your marriage, also with no quick-fix of prayer. Yes, prayer will need to be a significant part of either journey. It does not always change our circumstances, but can certainly change our ability to handle them. Though you are angry with God now, I hope that you will recognize that your anger is mis-placed, that He is truly your refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. For what can you thank God today? Perhaps, unlike many women, you are not trapped financially in your marriage... Counting my blessings has never erased my troubles, but it has helped keep them from looming quite as large. Praying... TruthSeeker
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Feb 13, 2011 8:12:44 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Feb 13, 2011 8:12:44 GMT -7
DW, I don't have an answer to unanswerable questions, but may I share a couple of thoughts? Especially during my last years as an active addict, I found myself more and more estranged from God. All I thought I knew about God was that He was demanding of me things that were clearly right and good, but that I couldn't do. I was being rightfully condemned for my behavior, but despite trying for years, I couldn't manage to behave differently. It was unfair and completely disheartening, and I wished that God didn't exist. I remember saying that the tragedy was that the only religion that made sense to me was one whose precepts I couldn't follow. Finally I hit bottom in my addiction. I started looking for help. I stopped praying for strength and began trusting God with my life and trying to do His will and turning my addictive desires over to Him. It's hard to explain, but it was a complete change in attitude and way of life. And from the moment that transformation started to happen, my attitude toward God changed, too. Suddenly I could understand that all those years when I thought God was distant from me, judging me, hating me, I was wrong. Instead, God was standing beside me patiently, loving me, weeping for me, waiting in pain until I had finally suffered enough to surrender to Him and allow Him to change my life. I couldn't imagine that love, nor could I see how I was blocking it before. Of course, it's one thing to find God's place in sufferings caused by one's own actions, even if one lacked the power to act differently. It's another thing to find God's place in sufferings in which one's actions haven't played a part. For me, those sufferings are not caused by the addictions of others, but I have those sufferings. For me, far too much of the last decade has involved watching children and young adults I care about die - victims of accidents and diseases, killed in warfare, taking their own lives. Where is God when a not-yet-2-year-old wakes up during a nap and manages to climb out of his crib, out the window, and into the swimming pool where he drowns? Where was God in any of those deaths? There are a lot of facile answers one can give to that question. It was all part of a bigger plan. It's all for the best. God loved them and took them early. God spared them suffering. I don't believe any of that. None of it soothes my pain or dries my tears. I don't know why events happen that any God worthy of our love would regard, with us, as unmixed tragedies. But I know that in my own hours of darkest pain, God was beside me, closer to me than my jugular vein (in the Qur'an's memorable phrase), sorrowing with me, loving me. And in whatever dark places all those young people found themselves, even those for whom the darkness so overpowered them that they chose death over life, I believe that God was there, too. We don't worship a God who is all transcendent glory, decreeing pain but not feeling it. We worship a God who came and suffered with us so that we might know that He was present in all the horrors of this world. I don't always feel that. There are plenty of things in life to which the only response is to curl into a ball and scream. Even there, though, I think God is, hurting with me, hurting for me, extending ultimate love whether I am ready for it or not. It's what's kept me breathing more than once. That probably helps not at all. In the end, all that any of us here can do is to sit with you in sorrow, and without words. Being human is hard. But I think we follow a God who knows that. Today on CNN's web page, I happened upon a little meditation on suffering by a pastor I'd never heard of. It's no more of an answer than anything anyone can say, but I share it as timely words that might spark something. religion.blogs.cnn.com/2011/02/13/my-faith-suffering-my-way-to-a-new-tomorrow/?hpt=C2Peace, Tim M.
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