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Feb 14, 2011 2:50:39 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2011 2:50:39 GMT -7
Thank you, Truthseeker and Tim......I appreciate your responses, I do.......but I am not ready to receive the message. The husband I thought I knew doesn't exist and the God I thought I knew doesn't exist. I've deluded myself. Apparently, I'm a master at self-delusion. I'm not going to engage in anymore self-delusion. If God exists, he's going to have to prove it to me.
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Feb 14, 2011 3:55:16 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2011 3:55:16 GMT -7
Dear Tim and Truthseeker,
A year ago, I would have thought your words to be "nonsense-jibberish". Today, I couldn't agree with you more. I've learned alot over the past year. And have gotten much closer to God. While I don't suscribe to any particular organized religion, I do have the belief that God loves me and he'll take care of me. It may not be the way I would like but I trust that he knows best. I don't know why I have to deal with a sex addict but I do know that it's part of his plan. That doesn't mean I've given up everything to "fate". I still make decisions on the best information at the time. However, what I have noticed is that I really don't think too far in advance. I seem to be concentrating more on what is happening during this hour, day or week rather that planning my life.
I also make a point each and every day to take a few minutes to think about all that I have and how grateful I am for it. Talk about stopping to smell the roses!
This is such a far cry from my Type A, always planning, always moving personality. Sometimes I don't even recognize myself.
So as sick as it may sound...I am definately a better person because my husband is a sex addict! His revelation was the catalyst that set me on my own journey.
So, today, at this moment, I'm in a good place. And I know that tomorrow it may be completely different. But I also know that I will get to my good place again!
Thanks for the CNN post. I've printed it out and posted it to the fridge. Good words that stress that the bumps in the road don't need to stop you, just lead you in another direction!
allalone
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Feb 14, 2011 15:34:04 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Feb 14, 2011 15:34:04 GMT -7
DW, Thank you, Truthseeker and Tim......I appreciate your responses, I do.......but I am not ready to receive the message. The ... God I thought I knew doesn't exist. You're welcome. I understand that. Take the words as expressions of care rather than for their propositional content. You know, I think the God I thought I knew doesn't exist either. Maybe no God any of us thinks we know exists. But I somehow think maybe a better God does exist. Or perhaps existence isn't the right concept. St Basil says that God is so totally unlike us that if we exist, the God does not exist, and if God exists, then we do not exist, a message I was once given in confession when confronting, as I do now, doubt. Peace, Tim M.
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Feb 15, 2011 3:20:41 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2011 3:20:41 GMT -7
Evidence that God exists?
I had a hearing scheduled for tomorrow at 11:10. Given my schedule today and tomorrow morning, I had no idea how I was going to prepare for the hearing. Opposing counsel just called to say he is going to ask for a continuance.
Did the hand of God intervene on my behalf? On behalf of my client? I dunno....but I found myself looking to the heavens to give thanks.
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Feb 15, 2011 8:16:23 GMT -7
Post by mike on Feb 15, 2011 8:16:23 GMT -7
D-Wife, I suspect the Lord will show you more of Himself, not because you challenged him, but because He loves you.
You've been going through hell and have every right to be angry.
When Paul encountered Jesus on the road to Damascus, he asked the Lord two questions: "Who are You, Lord,?" and, "What do You want me to do?" In my own life I know that asking that second question is hard because I want to chart my own course.
I'm hearing you're asking the first question. Life tends to blow away our Disneyland theology away, that if we do good things then good things will happen to us. Job must have had some of that going on when he railed at God for letting his world collapse, even though he'd done nothing to deserve it. At it's core, we all have to discover the answer to "Who are You, Lord?" Bitterness is a dangerous thing that can lead to shipwrecked faith and hopelessness. The enemy loves to pound us with lies like "see what God's letting happen to you?" We've got to sit at His feet like Mary, with His word, to get to know Him. It's evident from what you just shared that God cares for you and doesn't want you stuck in the poison of bitterness.
I'd also like to encourage you to ask Him the second question "What do you want me to do, Lord?" I wouldn't be surprised if "Completely surrender the situation into my hands" and "Will You trust me, no matter what?" were a part of what he gives you.
I know I struggle with anger with loved ones at times when they don't do what I want them to - I want control. My pride is also a piece because I want what I want, now. It doesn't matter if what I want is a good thing or not. One piece of letting some of that anger go might have to do with absolute surrender to God.
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Feb 23, 2011 6:32:21 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Feb 23, 2011 6:32:21 GMT -7
Last night was "family night" at the intensive outpatient therapy facility. I attended. I had fun. It was a casual and relaxed group setting. I was brutally honest about what's been going on, etc. My husband left the meeting angry at ME for answering questions truthfully. He's still living behind a mask, not being truthful about anything with anybody, not even in the group therapy session. That's bad enough......but wait, it gets better:
Last night, after we'd left the meeting, he blamed ME FOR HIS ALCOHOLISM.
So let's review class: It was my fault that he had pictures of girls our daughter's age, tied up with rope, professing to "want it" on his computer..........
Now it's MY FAULT that he "needs" to drink himself into oblivion. Apparently, I am evil incarnate.
I think that was the final straw. Any woman who is young and has her whole life ahead of her would be a fool to stay in a relationship like this.
I thought the blame game was over. I thought he'd grown up a bit and was ready to take personal responsibility for his actions. I was wrong. Something snapped in my head last night. I'm done.
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Feb 24, 2011 2:21:09 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2011 2:21:09 GMT -7
Hi DW,
I am sorry.
I hope that your journey to establishing your new and independent life goes as smoothly as possible, and pray that your heart will heal in due time.
TruthSeeker
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Apr 7, 2011 11:34:16 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Apr 7, 2011 11:34:16 GMT -7
I thought I'd provide an update for anyone who may be facing this in the future........
My husband was advised to get all the alcohol out of the house. His solution? Offer it to our daughter, who is of legal drinking age. Yes, that's right. He offered the same substance that landed him in the hospital and in rehab to his only daughter. I wonder, if he was a heroin addict and decided to get sober......I wonder if he would offer his stash to his daughter?
I have no words to describe this. I have to protect myself and my children from this man.
I have an opportunity to invest in a franchise and it looks like this will provide the financial security I will need going forward.
I am also going to attend a class at the church we were attending after tax season is over. I still have a lot of questions for "the man" upstairs.........if he exists.
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Apr 9, 2011 11:29:58 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Apr 9, 2011 11:29:58 GMT -7
Hi DW,
Continuing to pray for you and your family. I hope that you find the class helpful and encouraging.
TruthSeeker
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Apr 10, 2011 9:35:22 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Apr 10, 2011 9:35:22 GMT -7
Thanks, Truthseeker. The damage this "man" has wrought in my life is incalculable.
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