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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2005 7:26:05 GMT -7
Hi - i'm new to all this. My boyfriend struggles with lust and porn (though he's been having victory over porn lately - yay). He also has a problem with idolary - during the course of our relationship he "idolized" (?) other girls - some of them my friends. That was worse than the porn to me.
I have a Q. I was told (by him) that even though he may be able to have victory through God for porn - and the idols in his heart - that the desire to look never goes away. Is that true?
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Post by mike on Sept 22, 2005 7:45:41 GMT -7
It is true that the pull to look doesn't go away; it's what's done with that pull that counts. As time goes on, however, and he learns to live while saying no to lust it should get easier to say no, like dusting a gnat off the shoulder.
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Post by Deleted on Sept 22, 2005 7:58:37 GMT -7
Thanks for the quick reply! So it DOES get easier? Thats wonderful. Right now - I'm almost always in a state of paranoia - what he's thinking about - who he's looking at - and I don't trust him AT ALL:( I want to trust him so much... I really do. I pray that as he keeps growing in God and being faithful to God - that I would learn to trust him. He said that it was my problem that I don't trust him. I don't think he has any idea how much this all hurts. I had something close to an anxiety attack yesterday. I don't even know if that was what it was. Just because he stayed at school longer - he told me that he'd never stay at school after his classes were done - coz thats where alot of his temptations happen to be (net/female students). Last night when he didn't go home at the time he was supposed to - I freaked. How can I make him understand that this is hard for me? He keeps saying that the way I feel is my own choice - that I could choose not to feel sad and depressed - and choose to trust him.
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Post by Steve on Sept 23, 2005 3:14:38 GMT -7
Hi and welcome to the forums. I would echo Mike's response to you - The temptations are still hit a person, but it does get easier over time.
If you're open to input, I would throw out another principle...
If your boyfriend is significantly struggling with sexually out of control behaviors (and by your description it sounds like he is), I do not recommend dating him until he is largely recovered and free of this.
Friend, my gutt tells me you shouldn't be dating him. If it's truly meant to be in the long-term relationship (i.e. marriage), you're better off taking a step back from the intimate connections you're making with him (especially physical/sexual ones), unless he's free of this. Otherwise, you're always going to worry and wonder what he's up to, not to mention you'll likely be devastated and hurt even more if he continues to act out sexually in ways that hurt you.
I'd like to hear more from you. What do you think about my input? Please tell me where you agree and/or where you disagree. I'm just concerned. I've seen people in dating relationships go through so much pain, because they weren't willing to break up when things were just so obviously unhealthy.
-Steve
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Post by Deleted on Sept 24, 2005 4:28:23 GMT -7
Hey -
I'm always open for input. We aren't "dating" anymore. It was his idea to break up. But we still hang out all the time. The first couple of days we didn't see/talk to each other at all. It was awful for me to be apart from him.
I agree - if its meant to be, it'll happen. And I do want to get married to him. He's really a great guy. We don't have any phsysical/sexual connections. Early on in our relatioship we "fell" but we didn't have sex. EVER. Soon after - we both repented and didn't do that again. But we still kissed/hugged/held hands... but now we just have 1 hug when I leave. No holding hands, no sitting on the bed together - we make sure that if we are in his room, the door is wide open and we have about 5 feet of space between us.
I'm always wondering what he's thinking about. Seriously... I think I'm loony at this point. But I don't know how to stop. I keep praying about it - I just wana see him not do this anymore.
What does it mean to have someone as an "idol"?(Would it be better that I don't know?) Like when he has my friend as an idol in his heart? He told me he didn't like her at all - that she was just a "pornographic image" to him. I know he's taking drastic steps to be right with God even in this. We avoid going to church the same time as her... and avoid hanging out with her.
It makes me feel paranoid when she's around - I start looking at her and comparing myself to her - and then I get angry coz I think that "I'm better" than her - so why in the world does he have her as an idol?
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