I guess I am NOT alone....

I have been reading my Bible much more recently, and trying to have more fellowship withmy chrsitian friends, and it has helped a lot.  As for my husband.....  I know it is not normal for him to have such a low sexdrive....and it is soooooo hard on me.  I guess growing up, my mother was very open sexually, and was a very sexual woman, always had men around her, as friends, and boyfriends.   Shhe even introduced me to porn, which I was obsessed with, magazines, movies, anything I could find on the net, I would spend HOURS and HOURS Downloading it.   Part of me associates sex, and sexiness, with love.  When my husband will not look twice at me...it hurts.  I would walk into the livingroom...  and he would say he is not in the mood, or wanted to finish his videogame first.  So, I started seeking that attention elsewhere, which he didn't mind, cause it meant, I was leaving him alone.  He had no idea how far it had gone though......  the men I'd met online ingame, would want more, and I gave it to them. Started off just chatting with the webcam on, about life, kids, sex........  and then it would go from there...   when I did, I LOVED the reaction I would get from him.  It was almost a kind of control I could not get on my husband....  I was sexy, attractive, and could make a man do almost anything.  I found myself depressed when that man was not online, needing him and his attention.  My husband would barely sleep in the same bed as me anymore...he would stay up late after work playing videogames, and I would get up at 3am for work.  He would be going to bed as I got up.  We did not cuddle, we did not kiss, we did not have sex unless I begged for it.  Our daughter would even frek out if we sat close to each other on the couch watching a movie together.  I told him we needed some time a part.........  things just got worse for me.  I know now that I need to change a lot about how I have become, I disgues myself.  I had even concidered starting an internet porn site so that I could quit my job to spend more time with my 2 year old, and do something that I loved doing, that got me "off", and make money at it......  I just do not know if I can salvage my marriage at this point...... he moved far to beb with his parents, but comes to visit, and takes our daughter for visits, he is such a good daddy, just not a husband.   He does not see that he has any flaws, his mom tells him it's all me....  I am just so lost as to what to do.  My church tells me divorce is not an option, that God has made this union, and we have to make it work........

youngmom


Well I think all women have a need to be seen as pretty and attractive, there is nothing abnormal about that.

I think most people both male and female want to be loved and have a spiritual relationship, with there significant other.

It seems to me what you really want is for your husband to pay attention to you as a woman.

I think the important thing to remember is that a marriage is a three way relationship, With God at the Top and A man and woman on either side.


youngmom


Well there is the problem, isn't it.

Sex isn't a control issue, and never was intended to be about manipulation. Most men DO NOT like to be controlled by women. And most men realize that most women are for the most part better at utilizing emotional control. I think you have just answered your question as to why your husband is pushing you away.

The only kind of man who is going to want you to control him is a pervert 1000 miles away on the Internet who knows its a fantasy these people are using you.

It might be that you need to use a little intuition, in this matter.

youngmom




I cant say that you will succeed at salvaging your marriage, but what I will say this you will not fail if you try. You will never fail if you make an attempt.

youngmom





I don't know your husband, so I cant judge his character, but here is the deal.  We live in a society which is hostel to young men, and most of them have been exposed to some amount of Feminism through the years. As such many men judge women by those stereo types, and this is defiantly unfair to many women.


You said you wanted some control in your husbands life, well here is how to  get it. Become an intercessor for him, when you pray point out to God the things that you would like God to change about his character. At the same time gain a grasp of the things you need to change about in your own character, Let God guide your Hart in these things.

youngmom



Do you really believe this, or is it a Rationalization/Excuse.

I believe Mike is right when he talks about the father issue, especially with women who grow without fathers or without fathers that are loving and attentive.

This is one of the things that we as a society and especially men need to work on.



Trust me the men you are playing these sex games with are not associating it with Love.

Good Luck with your life, It seems to me that you have realized a Problem in your life and you are trying to fix it. God honors a sincere Hart.

>If there are other women with these problems, I would LOVE to get in contact, learn how they are overcoming, or trying to anyways.... 


I private messaged you her email address.

 

Yes, he does have a videogame addiction to mmo's, and I asked him to get rid of the internet for a few months so we could work on our marriage ( and effectively taking away my addiction  in the process) but he said I was being over-reactive, and that was too drastic.  That was my last straw, and when I said I wanted some time appart for a few weeks, and he moved 8 hours away instead..... I, and his mom, have suggested he seek councelling too (the ONLY thing his mom and I agree on) but he just refuses...he comes to visit in 2 days...these are  issues I am going to be trying to talk through with him....  I have been doing really well with my struggles, and am very proud of myself, making these changes on my own seem impossible at times, but I just take it day by day.