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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2012 5:40:37 GMT -7
TM2 - thank you for your well meaning advice - you can say whatever you want - I would not be offended. I will re-read your messages as well as the others over the years for inspiration/ideas.
Man - when I say "sex is the one divider" I mean that every other part of our relationship is absolutely perfect. We get along great even though we are with each other 24/7. When we argue it is only for a few hours once every 3 months or more - we usually agree to disagree when we are arguing about something petty...
Unfortunately, sex is important to me. Makes my life more fulfilling. If I cannot have prostitutes or one night stands then I would like to see my wife with other men or at least knowing she is having fun on the side... or I would like her permission to allow me to release in front of other women - not even super pretty - just allow me to do this and I would be happy. She says I can already...but I am trying not to and have not for a long long time.
Strange...yes...but that's what I would like. If I cannot get this then divorce may be the answer. Not right for her to have sex outside marriage if she does not want to...only alternative I see is to end it.
but...really stupid to go this far and dissolve a wonderful thing...over the "one divider"
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Post by Deleted on Aug 7, 2012 8:55:37 GMT -7
Thanks for sharing Addictionbegone. So you think you would be happy if you could have extramarital sex?
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Post by Deleted on Aug 8, 2012 3:42:40 GMT -7
Hi ABG,
Have you explored deeply within to see if you can uncover why intimacy with your wife is not sufficient to meet your emotional needs? Trust issues can certainly make a wife shy from intimacy, concerned that her trust will be betrayed again, but if that is the case, I urge patience as trust grows.
Did the expectation of exclusivity not register with you prior to the commitment of marriage? If you do not believe in the moral imperitive of fidelity implicit in marriage, why did you make such vows? If your vows and your baser instincts are in conflict, wouldn't it be more loving and peaceful for your life, and your family's lives, to dig for the roots of your addiction so they can be dug up and break the cycle?
Looking back at previous posts, did you ever locate any natural supplements, herbs, etc. that may help with mood, but not have the unpleasant side-effects? A health food store or vitamin store may be able to assist you, though you would want to do your own research online, if you have not already done so.
I pray that contentment with your wife and family will fill your entire being. TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2012 7:11:45 GMT -7
Man reply:
Yes, I do think I would be happy sexually. However, my "whole self" would be unhappy and my wife would be unhappy.
This addiction has affected my business life too - luckily, I have been successful but nowhere near successful as I would have become. Many hours a day are wasted on sexual satisfaction.
Now that I am in my 40s I am almost ready to pack it in and just live for my addiction. Be a good father - bring down my spending to almost zero (live super cheap...I have no problem doing this). Get a divorce, make sure my wife and kids have everything they need to live comfortably...while I live just above the poverty line feeding my addiction.
Not the best way to live but I would be happy feeding my addiction which is actually quite pleasurable...if I give in to my "whole self" dream I could live this way. My regret would be strong at the end of my life...but I would not need to struggle daily which affects my wife's life and health as well as my own health.
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2012 7:22:12 GMT -7
truthseeker Reply:
There are countless people who enter marriage not thinking this through enough. I did tell my wife about my addiction before I was married and saw a counselor before I made the vows...but just like others I did not see the significance...enough...I did understand it but not enough...
I did not try any natual herbs, etc. from what I read this will not work...last night I did see a segment on Charlie Rose - rerun in November about addiction...amazing how the frontal lobe of addicts is big time changed - I would love to get a scan of mine... fascinating...
Regarding intimacy...I used to be into romance...with age this has faded unfortunately...all I care about is the rush of dopamine...
To save my marriage I have come to the conclusion that I must "do the work" and go to meetings...from that charlie rose show with experts they said that the frontal lobe where judgement occurs can get back to normal with "long-term" therapy through multiple sources...long term abstaining from masturbation - porn - fantasy, etc.
Not sure that I want to leave my World of pleasure that awaits me...the price is my soul.
The devil awaits me...do I want to sell my soul is the question...
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Post by Deleted on Aug 15, 2012 7:29:27 GMT -7
Addiction Video:
type into Google "charlie rose addiction"
There will be youtube videos that show up in your search results where they discuss addiction. Well worth the time if you are an addict or know an addict. The brain scans tell it all.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 22, 2013 16:09:36 GMT -7
I think my marriage may come crashing down soon if I do not stop. For many years I have told my wife I would like to see her with other men...I have moved from this fantasy to asking her to divorce me...to not showing intimacy with her in bed...just go through the motions. She becomes bored in bed because I do not show intimacy for her...we stop then it all becomes about me...I go solo in front of her while she listens to my fantasies as I get to that moment. My fantasy is her divorcing me...for me to be left alone while she finds someone new. I really want this to happen...and really hate this... I need to keep these thoughts to myself...find another fantasy... I no longer see prostitutes (read prior entries...long time) and have never started an affair so I think this is making me bored sexually and my wife is now super bored sexually and emotionally... She is a great woman...easy to fix this logically but the reality is I'm doomed...no need for advice...fine to leave...but I know the answers "logically" but crave the sin. Amazing how many people I have met in the past few years...5 divorces...I wonder if we are going to be next... Kids...wife deserves better...
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Post by Deleted on Dec 24, 2013 22:31:14 GMT -7
Hi, maybe it is possible to get a will to do the right thing? Maybe all good inner things actually are gifts from Above/ it reflects the Allmighty?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 26, 2013 15:08:19 GMT -7
When it comes down to it, as you say,"will to do the right thing"...is the answer. Excellent advice...I need the desire to make this go away...desire builds perseverance, etc. If I get will/desire...then my problems are more manageable. The only problem with this is my sex life will be/is horrible...I don't want plain vanilla sex...I want to be a bit bad (fulfills me completely in a sexual way)...my wife does not want this...she wants plain vanilla sex...this is what GOD wants too...if there is a GOD...so that's where I stand. Right thing morally...but my basic animal instinct is to be fulfilled... Push - Pull. I need to decide one way or the other... Although there is a third option...just saw some video a few nights ago in Wall Street Journal I believe that there is a drug that treats epileptic seizures and they have run experiments that say alcoholics and I believe drug addicts who have taken are cured 45% of the time...getting there...I think science may someday solve this...hopefully in my lifetime. I have another option which I have researched a good deal. Castration...chemical but I like the physical...I'm older now...don't have much more to prove...I will become weaker with less drive and physically won't be the best...but I can for once be rid of my demons...
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Post by Deleted on Dec 27, 2013 3:10:20 GMT -7
But maybe it is possible to get willingness just as a gift? Be changed just as a gift? But of course I am not sure how.
Faith is a choice that is being confirmed by actions?
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