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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2005 11:42:44 GMT -7
Hello every one.
I am seventeen years old and have been addicted to masturbation since i was about 11 or 12. I have also been trying to stop for about as long. I grew up in a Christian home, but never had much of a walk with Christ. This changed about a year ago when I started to hear the Lord's call. I knew it was time to change some things in my life, masturbation being one of them.
Unlike most men who masturbate, I have never had an issue with pornography. My area of struggle is with lust and sexuall fantasy. I always new that if i started with porn, things would get "out of hand" (as if they weren't already). Late night channel surfing, t.v. comercials, and t.v. in general were a problem also, until a couple of months ago, when I grounded my self from watching any television of any kind (in the past I limited myself to what chanels I could watch, but the temptation proved too great).
I have always been rather shy, which causes me to spend much of my time in isolation. I am also very self conscious, and use masturbation as a drug when ever i think i skrewed up at something. The shyness also makes it hard for me to open up about my problem. I remember many afternoons at school being completly tired and stressed out, and looking forward to masturbation. I always have seen it as some sort of pressure release valve.
I am tired of masturbation being my master and me being its slave. I am also tired of living double lives and trying to fool every body by putting up a facade. I have allowed my self to be twisted just like Gollum. I think that the comparison between the One Ring and lust/porn/masturbation is brilliant. I want to win this war and want to know how to fight it effectivly. No more telling God/myself that this time was the last time. No more "white-knuckling" it. No more fighting it when I feal good about my self and life, and no more binging on it when things aren't going so well. Thank you for the site, Mike. It is encouraging to hear your story and others' stories about breaking free of this thing.
Thank you, and I hope to talk more with all of you soon.
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Post by mike on Aug 29, 2005 8:25:26 GMT -7
Hi B -
You amaze me. Most guys wait until they're in their 30's and 40's before taking this problem seriously. You're way ahead of the game.
>I have always been rather shy, which causes me to spend much of my time in isolation. I am also very self conscious, and use masturbation as a drug when ever i think i skrewed up at something.
Isolation is death. I hope you can find someone locally who you can be transparent with. Or at least post on these forums in the accountability section. If you're hit with a temptation, one thing you can do is to post in the middle of the fight.
It also sounds like you're understanding that this thing is too big for you to beat on your own. Good. Sexual sin must be conquered by God - and he uses others in the battle.
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Post by Steve on Aug 31, 2005 2:34:50 GMT -7
B,
I'm also amazed to learn you're taking this one at your age. Um, when I was 17, I was in no position whatsoever to do it.
How can we encourage you?
-Steve
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Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2005 13:34:46 GMT -7
Hello again and thank you for the responses.
>How can we encourage you?
I guess by me posting in the accountablility forums. I don't have any one localy who i am accountable to (i'm new to the church i am currently attending) but i am praying that God will lead me as far as that goes.
I also need to know how to better deal with stress. My life is pretty crazy right now, because school just started (which also means being around girls who are not dressed in ways that are conductive to a fight with lust) and football is in full swing, and some days it doesn't even seem like i have time to think. So maybe some ideas on how to deal with the stress?
Thanks again!
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Post by Steve on Nov 3, 2005 13:34:47 GMT -7
Hi B... I just realized I never responded back to you. How to handle stress? Oh man, I'm not one to give any kind of advice regarding that issue. I wish I was joking but I'm not! I am curious though: How have things gone with finding someone to talk to in your church? It's just so important for all of us to be able to confess and be honest with at least one other human being about our struggles. Know what I mean? -Steve
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2005 11:32:53 GMT -7
I am curious though: How have things gone with finding someone to talk to in your church? It's just so important for all of us to be able to confess and be honest with at least one other human being about our struggles. Know what I mean? Yes, I know what you mean. Quite honestly I have done almost nothing in searching for someone. A little bit of praying a while back, but nothing much since. It seems like every time I do pray about finding someone to open up to something in the back of my head is holding back and saying something like,"You are seriously going to tell someone about this? What will they think? What if my parents find out? If they do, what will they thing?" I guess its fear, but some of it is probably laziness. Pray that God would give me wisdom and would help me deal with my fear.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2005 11:53:18 GMT -7
Dear B,
I have prayed God would give you someone locally to open up to, immeasurably more than all we could ask or imagine (Ephesians)! Let's see how He provides this! Your heart seems to be so for Him and I really admire your courage to be real and honest! I don't know how your parents would react, but I believe that He will walk with you through the process of sharing with those face to face you need to share with. Just ask Him to make it clear, and trust that He will (Proverbs 10:32).....and keep seeking out this sort of a healthy, freeing, godly relationship. Sometimes it's hard to believe He loves us so and wants such radically good things for us, but God does. The enemy dupes us into believing we have to fight for ourselves as orphans when God's story tells us we've already won in Christ and that when we're His children, the very Living God and His power lives inside of us by His Spirit to comfort, counsel, and live in ever increasing victory, as you've been experiencing with the TV situation! Way to go!!! You're an inspiration! Keep sharing!
captivated
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2005 12:37:42 GMT -7
Thanks for your prayers, I feal a desire to fight this even more after reading your reply.
B
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Post by Deleted on Nov 12, 2005 12:48:08 GMT -7
That is His Spirit at work in you, B! Glory be to God! Let us know! He WILL complete/perfect the work He's begun in you! This is His promise to you.....to ALL of us, His children! Hey, did you check out Steve's review of the book, "Waking the Dead" by John Elderidge? Haven't read all of it myself, but I know it does address some about the Spirit of God, etc..... Maybe it would bless you to read it!
Blessings to you in Jesus! captivated
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Post by mike on Nov 13, 2005 2:05:03 GMT -7
>I also need to know how to better deal with stress.
Make first things first. That means God must be the supreme desire and passion in your life. When He's first, everything else will fall into place. Soak in His presence and in His words every day. Let verses like this become your way of life:
Rejoice in the Lord always; again I will say, rejoice! Let your gentle spirit be known to all men. The Lord is near. Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
Learn to weed out and say no to the things in life that aren't really important.
Do intense exercise at least 3 times a week. If you're playing football, of course, you're got this covered.
Stay out of isolation like it's death. We allow fear, pride, lust, and stress to build up inside when we keep everything bottled up. Find another guy or group of men who you can be real with, and stay connected with them. James 5:16 should be your way of life.
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2005 14:22:25 GMT -7
Today was a bit of a rough day (Monday, 'nuff said), and I am tempted to feel sory for my self and then go and masturbate. Though I doubt any of you will actually see this tonight, I think it will most likely help me to fight these thoughts.
Thanks for the responses, and especially for the scripture verses!
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2005 22:28:13 GMT -7
Today was a bit of a rough day (Monday, 'nuff said), and I am tempted to feel sory for my self and then go and masturbate. Though I doubt any of you will actually see this tonight, I think it will most likely help me to fight these thoughts. Thanks for the responses, and especially for the scripture verses! B, Way to go in keeping connected at the height of your struggle!!! You are actually wise and insightful beyond your years! Prayed for you! .....and remember, we are His children through the blood of the lamb and nothing we do alters this fact. True, the level of intimacy or closeness we have to God is affected by our actions, but we're still His and still deeply loved, no matter what.....and He still pursues us. He hates our sin because He desires so much to be close to us and our unrepented of sin keeps Him at bay. I'm sharing this because when I have struggled against the flesh, the enemy has attempted to condemn me and bring on hopelessness and despair. True, these are often the consequences of our sin, but we don't need to stay there. Remember, you are further on the path to freedom, health and wholeness than you were before finding these forums.....and I know many applaud you for being willing to be so real here! As you continue to be real and to pursue Him (James 4:8), light will continue to be shed on the dark lies of satan, exposing them to you and bringing more and more freedom!!!! May I suggest reading Romans 8? It may bless you. Any thoughts on how you may go about finding others locally to connect with at some point? Blessings, captivated
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Post by Deleted on Nov 30, 2005 3:46:56 GMT -7
Hi B,
Like everyone else, I'm extremely happy for you that you're learning to fight this addiction early. I've tried "grounding" myself from many things in order to help with these temptations. One of the difficult things is the negative connotation of grounding. When I think that I'm "grounding" myself from TV, I feel like I'm missing out. My thought process in the past would have been, I need to just suck it up and work harder. For some reason, that never worked for me. What I try to do now is view my sacrifice of TV not as negative, but as an extremely positive, healthy choice. I also try to fill the TV time with something that I enjoy that is exciting, fun and productive. Just some thoughts I had while reading your story, I hope a portion of it helps.
m
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