Post by GUEST on Aug 26, 2005 15:05:04 GMT -7
Well, I'm here. I have a problem with porn and have since I was very young. It never really seemed abnormal. All my friends talked about it and I figured I was just moving with the flow of things. My wife an I have been married 8 years in a couple of days. We've been in counseling for my problem for nearly a year. I have only recently been able to really open up and tell her what is really going on in my head.
It's embarrassing and difficult to be completely truthful. My porn addiction started with looking at Playboy magazines and progressed to internet curiosity and soft core pornography. Movies with nudity eventually progressed to hard core porn downloading of video and images. All this grew and grew as my wife was pregnant without second child and having a very tough time of it. There was no sex between us and in my own twisted way I thought I was relieving my own urges rather than putting pressure on her. I figured I could just "take care of myself" when she couldn't physically be intimate with me. This has actually been going on in a more Playboy level for many years. She has caught me several times in the past and questioned me. I have always managed to pull of some lie and feel better about it. I always promised to stop, but did so only for a short time. Soon after not really having my life fall apart I would be back to my old tricks.
Well, this time, she has completely blown up. She feels like I have actually been cheating on her. I never realized that this is what I was doing to her. We have had many discussions of porn without my addiction coming forth. Not once has she ever mentioned that she equates infidelity with porn. I she had EVER brought this to me, I would have done much more to stop myself then. I'm now near my last straw. I feel like my marriage is coming undone. We put on a show for the kids and friends and family, but there is absolutely no intimacy in our home. We barely kiss each other goodbye or hello.
I have never loved another woman in my life. I have never made love to my wife while fantasizing about another woman. I have never had a desire to actually have sex with another woman since meeting my wife. I am totally devoted to her--except where my addiction has destroyed my life. I have never been out of love with her. I do everything for her and the kids. I honestly didn't know that I was being a cheater. I didn't know that porn = infidelity.
In short, I don't know what to say to my wife to help her forgive me. I know she still loves me, but she can't be intimate with me as she starts to think of the images I was looking at. I don't know what to do, so I'm here asking for some help.
Thanks
It's embarrassing and difficult to be completely truthful. My porn addiction started with looking at Playboy magazines and progressed to internet curiosity and soft core pornography. Movies with nudity eventually progressed to hard core porn downloading of video and images. All this grew and grew as my wife was pregnant without second child and having a very tough time of it. There was no sex between us and in my own twisted way I thought I was relieving my own urges rather than putting pressure on her. I figured I could just "take care of myself" when she couldn't physically be intimate with me. This has actually been going on in a more Playboy level for many years. She has caught me several times in the past and questioned me. I have always managed to pull of some lie and feel better about it. I always promised to stop, but did so only for a short time. Soon after not really having my life fall apart I would be back to my old tricks.
Well, this time, she has completely blown up. She feels like I have actually been cheating on her. I never realized that this is what I was doing to her. We have had many discussions of porn without my addiction coming forth. Not once has she ever mentioned that she equates infidelity with porn. I she had EVER brought this to me, I would have done much more to stop myself then. I'm now near my last straw. I feel like my marriage is coming undone. We put on a show for the kids and friends and family, but there is absolutely no intimacy in our home. We barely kiss each other goodbye or hello.
I have never loved another woman in my life. I have never made love to my wife while fantasizing about another woman. I have never had a desire to actually have sex with another woman since meeting my wife. I am totally devoted to her--except where my addiction has destroyed my life. I have never been out of love with her. I do everything for her and the kids. I honestly didn't know that I was being a cheater. I didn't know that porn = infidelity.
In short, I don't know what to say to my wife to help her forgive me. I know she still loves me, but she can't be intimate with me as she starts to think of the images I was looking at. I don't know what to do, so I'm here asking for some help.
Thanks
