Post by Deleted on Aug 14, 2005 4:21:54 GMT -7
Well I'm happy to have found your site. And that I'm not the only one out there.
I didn't really struggle with sex addiction until around 20. I bought a Playboy, graduated to Penthouse then to video porn. About three years ago (I'm 35 now) I graduated to hiring escorts. It is a downward spiral indeed.
Throughout the past 15 years my indulgence in porn has been sporadic. When I first started, I'd feel an immense sense of guilt and shame. When I've had had girlfriends I never indulged at all. But when the relationship ends....The cycle starts over again and comes on a lot stronger.
Three years ago the best relationship of my life ended and I became depressed. I used porn to basically medicate myself. Lately, though it has gotten really bad. I've realized that it controls me. When the urge or *triggers* hit, its irresistable. I think this is the toughest addiction to deal with because one cannot go anywhere without seeing a scantily clad woman on some type of advertisement, magazine, etc. Its a temptation you cannot escape because it is so intensely visual.
It's also really embarassing for me to talk or even write about. I don't see myself walking into a support group opening up to anyone. Or a counselor's office. I mean, what do you do or say? What is the proper etiquette? "Hello, my name is Joe and I jerk off?" Who would want to shake hands with me even they knew? Granted, I realize it is a non-judgmental atmosphere but still, in the back of your mind you think these people think you are a pervert. Even if they've been reformed themselves.
That being said, upon reading and listening to your broadcasts I'm just sitting here nodding my head. Everything you talk about is so right on the money. Specifically when its comes to isolation. I isolated myself and have no one else to blame. My heart aches with loneliness and wanting the love of a woman. Honestly, praying to God doesn't come close to the feeling you get when a woman you love holds you close.
I really don't know what to do. Forgive the rambling thoughts. My question is what would be the first step out of breaking free from this addiction?
I didn't really struggle with sex addiction until around 20. I bought a Playboy, graduated to Penthouse then to video porn. About three years ago (I'm 35 now) I graduated to hiring escorts. It is a downward spiral indeed.
Throughout the past 15 years my indulgence in porn has been sporadic. When I first started, I'd feel an immense sense of guilt and shame. When I've had had girlfriends I never indulged at all. But when the relationship ends....The cycle starts over again and comes on a lot stronger.
Three years ago the best relationship of my life ended and I became depressed. I used porn to basically medicate myself. Lately, though it has gotten really bad. I've realized that it controls me. When the urge or *triggers* hit, its irresistable. I think this is the toughest addiction to deal with because one cannot go anywhere without seeing a scantily clad woman on some type of advertisement, magazine, etc. Its a temptation you cannot escape because it is so intensely visual.
It's also really embarassing for me to talk or even write about. I don't see myself walking into a support group opening up to anyone. Or a counselor's office. I mean, what do you do or say? What is the proper etiquette? "Hello, my name is Joe and I jerk off?" Who would want to shake hands with me even they knew? Granted, I realize it is a non-judgmental atmosphere but still, in the back of your mind you think these people think you are a pervert. Even if they've been reformed themselves.
That being said, upon reading and listening to your broadcasts I'm just sitting here nodding my head. Everything you talk about is so right on the money. Specifically when its comes to isolation. I isolated myself and have no one else to blame. My heart aches with loneliness and wanting the love of a woman. Honestly, praying to God doesn't come close to the feeling you get when a woman you love holds you close.
I really don't know what to do. Forgive the rambling thoughts. My question is what would be the first step out of breaking free from this addiction?