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Post by Deleted on Oct 2, 2005 23:17:46 GMT -7
Thanks, guys, for the welcome and interaction.
I esp. appreciate the insight that totally getting rid of masturbation breaks an imporant link in the chain.
I tend to think that I will never get rid of images stored in my mind, yet with time I am finding that they really do weaken.
Isotope, I'm glad you find church helpful. I find, at least in my own case, that there is no one magic "answer" that solves it all; rather, it's puttng together a cord of strands that together can become very strong: accontability, my daily Bible reading, making the habit of always being in the process of reading a good book, church attendance and serving, prayer and the presence and power of the Holy Spirit, learning to go to God as a refuge from the storm (Psalm 18, Psalm 46:1 and many others), and remembering other Scriptures.
Unfortunately, I have not always done the above, but it is my way out; that I know. Recently I have strengthened the accountability to my wife, to make it less easy for me to look at forbidden stuff when she is asleep or away.
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Post by GUEST on Oct 3, 2005 3:06:38 GMT -7
Paul,
I agree with you that good habits are key to overcoming this. Attending church, being around deaf people, reading the Bible, living a Christian life, even memorizing some scripture helps a lot. I have found myself healing steadily and now I almost never have those images pop up in my head anymore. The world feels different now and it feels better, and I am confident wherever I go in whatever I do, and I succeed. A couple of weeks ago, I finally made peace with my parents after many bitter years with them after the mental/physical abuse I received. I even made peace with old enemies that criticized me, let me down. I have a much more optimistic outlook on things in general. It is from having a deep love for Christ and others' encouragement in the church that also helps overcome problems like this one. If you cannot talk to your normal family, or something is really bothering you, find refuge with the members at your church. They do serve the purpose of a second family in Christ. They will share your pain and help you heal from it. I didn't share about this sexual addiction with them but I shared about feeling very lonely and left out in the hearing world, and they told me they felt the same way. But for me, I had no deaf friends or hearing friends and it'd often be five or six days before I got to talk to anybody. Happened for years. Imagine going 100 hours without talking to a single human being, in a neverending vicious cycle. This very thing happened to me. But I feel like I've been healed, because I no longer feel addicted any longer. It does not feel like routine anymore.
Last week I started working for 11 hours per day M-S, and hearing people left me out in so many ways. I went home every night and wept bitterly before I went to bed. I was working so much I had no time to be with deaf people, and I was basically standing a lot at work waiting for things to happen and never knowing what was going on. Twice I did feel tempted to revert to destructive behavior but was able to resist it easily and never gave it a second thought. The images have really weakened and I never look at forbidden stuff anymore. I know how hard it is but you are correct that the images in the head tend to weaken overtime. It's like in a sport when you build muscle memory, you may have a bad habit stored in memory. But work carefully on good habits and avoid repeating the bad habit and the bad habit eventually gets weaker and will go away.
Furthermore I want to give encouragement to other people in this forum who read this by suggesting four things:
1) Think of what Jesus would do. He saw into people's hearts and minds. Would Jesus have done what you're doing? Follow his example. Imitate him. Live with a holy purpose in your heart instead of human desires. 2) Find out whatever is the real cause of your problems. Did something happen before you had this problem that may have triggered it? 3) Realize the negative consequences of porn viewing and think of how it affects your partner. It should be viewed as a crime against that person because it removes the "special" status of that person. It's like God vs idolatry worship because God hates it when any false gods stand in the way of us and His eternal love. Same with your partner. 4) Attend church regularly, seek their support, become an active Christian, read the Bible regularly, pray and mean it every time, live your principles, learn to have a discerning but accepting heart that can see past physical appearances, seek counseling from your pastor if needed, and more. Form good habits that will strengthen your resolve and you can overcome anything with God's grace.
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Post by Steve on Oct 11, 2005 12:19:49 GMT -7
You know, Isotope, I'm just impressed with you. I see your heart. I know you want to do the right thing and live for God.
I just want to encourage you right now. I don't really have any answers for you ... I just know that God knows exactly where you're at. I say that because I know many in the Deaf community who are well-connected, I want the same for you.
I realize in your last post that it's not all bad - you reported some positive things happening in your life right now, and for this I'm glad!
-Steve
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Post by TimM on Oct 13, 2005 3:37:02 GMT -7
Isotope, I'm a new visitor to this forum; I've been in recovery for about 8 months, after struggling fruitlessly with an addiction to porn for maybe 35 years. One tool for recovery that has been really useful for me has been the online meetings run by the various 12-step fellowships of sex addicts. SLAA, in particular, has several meetings daily, and there are very often people on the SLAA channel in between meetings. For me, the Internet has been a big problem, and I have to work around computers all the time. Knowing that there are almost always people working on recovery with whom I can share live has really turned the computer from a pure tool for acting out into a really important part of my recovery. I've always got a safe place to click. I thought about this when I read your story, because those meetings are equally accessible to deaf and to hearing addicts. I don't know whether all the people I've met in these meetings are hearing or not, and there's no way to tell. When the meeting takes place by typing in a chat room, we're all equally able to participate. And although you miss something by not being able to meet people face to face, I sometimes think I get more out of the online meetings than I do face to face meetings. You read people's shares slowly, one line at a time as they type, and so you have longer to think about what they are saying. If you know about IRC, the meetings I've attended are on irc.starlink-irc.org, on channels #saa, #slaa, and #sca. The #slaa channel is particularly active. If you don't know about IRC, then there is information about online meetings on the web pages of the S fellowships: slaafws.org (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous), sca-recovery.org (Sexual Compulsives Anonymous), sexaa.org (Sex Addicts Anonymous). I don't know if Sexaholics Anonymous also has online meetings, but I wouldn't be surprised. (In passing, it's stupid that we have so many fellowships instead of being organized like the alcoholics. It's an accident of history, though. The fellowships are all pretty similar. Don't let all the different names worry you.) Just a thought, of course, but the 12-step programs have been a huge blessing to me, and the online meetings might be a place where you could easily feel at home. If you're interested and have any trouble getting connected, let me know, and I'll try to help. --Tim M.
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Post by GUEST on Dec 3, 2005 5:22:50 GMT -7
Guys, Wanted to drop you a line one more time and say hello. And, of course, explain what's going on. Deaf and hearing friends ask me to do things with them, so now it goes both ways... my parents and I now get along fine, my sister and I have developed a strong relationship, and I'm moving to another state soon so I can be around more deaf people... I have done extensive research to find out gas prices, apartment costs, deaf events, interpreters, deaf services, in that area and made some great contacts over there who even want to meet me the first week I move there. So I'm really excited and cannot wait!
The sexual addiction...it was very hard for me. It strained relationships and caused problems showing up on time and even showing up everyday to work. I have never told anyone about this problem of mine - only here at the forums. So you guys have done me a big favor and helped me out...your support has been amazing! It is very good to know that there are people out there in the world who care enough to help someone who's hurting about things like this.
So....I would like to thank you all again, Steve, Paul, and Tim for the encouragement through this hard time of my life. All I have to say is... wow!
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