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Post by Deleted on Jan 3, 2007 15:59:49 GMT -7
I just turned 50 this past fall. My wife an I have been married for 22 years. I was heavier into mb when I was single but once I got married things were better. I was fairly strong most of the time until the internet came around and between that and cable the temptations were everywhere. I won't pay for anything but that doesn't stop regular cable, commercials, "bleed through" on cable or even magazines and catalogs in the mail. I have thrown out some of my wife's Victoria Secrets catalogs to keep them out of the house. I am committed to my wife but I get very frustrated with myself and this world.
What makes things worse, my wife has been in kind of a depression for four years now and has little if no interest in sex. We have been together once in the last 4 months. I fight and replace the temptation daily. Between chruch activities and our men's group and my time in God's word I am stronger but the lion is around every corner. Please Pray for my wife and our marriage.
Thanks, In Chirst.
RAF :?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 4, 2007 9:43:05 GMT -7
Rick,
Your post really touched me, because I can really relate to it. I want to give you encouragement not to give up on your marriage. I was married in 1982 at 16 years of age. This summer my husband and I will celebrate our 25th anniversary. Many people see that and think success, but our marriage didn't even seem worth saving until the last several months - after 24 years.
I "suffered" from a passion-less spouse, too, so I understand. He was only interested in gratifying himself (narcissist), and left me hanging physically and emotionally for nearly our whole marriage. I begged him for years to get help with me and he refused. We fought constantly, and I came to loathe him. I chose to medicate with some infidelity early in our marriage, and continued with fantasy until very recently.
I constantly threatened to leave him, and deeply wanted him out of my life. Even though I've been physically faithful for over 22 years, I haven't been mentally and emotionally. I blamed him for my addiction, and waited for him to get "help" with me so we could have a healthy marriage. He never did.
So last summer I decided to get help for myself. I told him I was tired of being miserable, and that I wanted to get whole and healthy for myself; that I wanted, regardless of everything and everyone else - including him, to be happy for once. I didn't threaten to leave him, but I did say I couldn't be uncertain what the future held for us.
Anyhow, I joined an SA group and started individual therapy....without HIM. I can't tell you how much it has been helping me. I am becoming stronger and more stable within myself, and our marriage has gotten much better; even our love life. I have been learning how to take care of and own my own self/life and how to deal with the things I can't change - in a healthier way. He has even begun to look into his own self, is reading some materials, and is currently thinking about counseling as well. This is as a result of what I have chosen to do to better myself. He has begun to listen to the Holy Spirit - through my journey.
I just want to encourage you to do what you need to do to get healthy within your own self, because that's really all you can control anyway, and leave the rest to God. He can do amazing things when we are willing to move in faith and cooperate with Him. Remember when Jesus said to Peter: "What is it to you (if I want John to live until I return)? You follow Me." That always gets my focus off of what others are/aren't doing, back to where it belongs - on what I need to do.
Blessings, -mj9
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