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Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2007 6:46:20 GMT -7
Hello everyone
Im new here and I am so glad I found this site. I hope to get some good advice and also try to help any way I can too. How do you deal with your spouse when they only talk, talk, talk.... and never take any action to get help? I am a servant of the Lord and He is the one that gets me through. Trying not to give up on my husband. Looking forward to getting to know some of you,
God Bless
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Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2007 8:29:30 GMT -7
Glorynhim, I am a recovering sex addict. If you haven't already, I suggest you read as many of the threads on this site as you can. And go to the link on this site for the newsletter and read the past issues. Then go to Shelley Lubben's website, www.shelleylubben.com and read everything there. Then, go to the website below, read this article, print it out and give it to your husband. It deals with the brain chemistry that is involved in pornography addiction. Your may think it is merely sin that you are dealing with, and in fact we know it is sin. But, and this is crucial, there are powerful neuro/chemical processes going on in your husbnad's brain that impact how he will need to deal with this. It says in part: "It may seem surprising that, at this juncture, I should speak of "chemicals," when one might be thinking instead of "sex." But, in fact, modern science allows us to understand that the underlying nature of an addiction to pornography is chemically nearly identical to a heroin addiction: Only the delivery system is different, and the sequence of steps. That is why heroin addicts in particular give up sex and routinely compare their "rushes" to "orgasms."The pornography addict soon forgets about everything and everyone else in favor of an ever more elusive sexual jolt. He will eventually be able to find it only among other "junkies" like himself, and he will place at risk his career, his friends, his family. He will indulge his habit anywhere and everywhere, at any time. No one, no matter how highly placed, is immune. And like all other addicts, the pornography addict will lie to cover it up, heedless of risk or cost to himself or to others." www.drjudithreisman.com/archives/2005/12/senate_subcommi.htmlRead the statistics page on this web site. You are not alone. Satan is here to steal and kill and destroy, and pornography is one of his most potent weapons. He will steal your husbnad's mind, kill your marriage and destroy your life. I have been ruined by pornography. I've spent 25 of the last 30 years in this struggle. Your husband may think this is something he does by choice, but it is not. It is an addiction and he will need help to find freedom. This will be hard. Your husband will think he has this hidden. He will think you don't know what is going on. You cannot ignore this. Left alone this addiction will ruin your lives. Your home will be filled with anger and reproach, rage, outbursts, resentment, false intimacy, a forlorn marriage bed, damage to your health both physical and mental, damage to your children if you have any, ruin, ruin, ruin and destruction. I know. My marriage survived. But the lost years, the pain and anguish, the shame and guilt were ruinous. I would give anything to have those years back. It is not too late for you. But you must act now. Your husband must deal with this now. Tell him to indulge one more day, one more hour will lead to a lifetime of regret. He will wake up 20 or 30 years later looking at a lifetime of loss. We will pray for you. In Christ, Henny
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Post by Deleted on Jan 1, 2007 10:36:38 GMT -7
Thank you so much for the other sites. I will read everything. This has already destroyed my marriage. I walked away from everything 3 months ago. He has been an addict for the 13 years we have been married. I dont know how long before that. I will go on and get help for myself. He still dont see the problem even after losing me the house, car, and total lack in every area of life. I was aware of the addiction like a drug but dont know what will make him do something. He has lost it all. he says he loves me and wants it to work but wont do anything.... I cant understand that from a mans point of view. Is he just playing me or what?
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Post by Deleted on Jan 2, 2007 1:16:08 GMT -7
Glorynhim, I can't say whether he is playing you or not. No one knows what is in another person's heart. I am sorry that this has had such a devastating effect on you and your marriage. On your life. I think somewhere on one of the threads for wives/spouses there was mention of a group for those affected by someone else's sex addiction. It is this: www.sanon.org/I have a loved one who struggles with drug and alcohol addiction. Having tried everything I could to help her for years, I found myself at the end of my rope. I know your pain. I was once again seeking help for her when I was given the best advice I'd ever had----do not waste one minute. As soon as you hang up (I was on the phone) find a local Al Anon meeting and get help for yourself. I did, and it brought me back to sanity. If there are no meetings for S Anon in your area I suggest going to www.al-anon.org/meetings/meeting.htmlI believe the most important thing I learned is one of the basic tenets of Al Anon and I would guess S Anon, and that is that I didn't cause it, I can't control it, and I can't cure it. It being my loved one's drug and alcohol addiction. In the same vein, you didn't cause your husband's sex addiction. it was not your fault. You weren't an inadequate partner. It isn't that you aren't sexy enough. It has nothing to do with what went on between you in the bedroom or without. It was not your fault. And you can't control it or cure it. If your husband doesn't want help you can't help him. You can help yourself. And in doing so you will find the most effective way to help him is prayer. God bless you. I will be praying for you. Henny
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