Pastor Struggling for 12 years

Pastor,

I am a recovering sex addict. First, you are not alone. If you haven't already, I suggest you read as many of the threads on this site as you can. And go to the link for the newsletter and read the past issues. Then go to Shelley Lubben's website, www.shelleylubben.com  and read everything there.

Then, go to this website and read this article. It deals with the brain chemistry that is involved in pornography addiction. You may think it is merely sin that you are dealing with, and in fact we know it is sin. But, and this is crucial, there are powerful neuro/chemical processes going on in your brain that impact your chances of success.

www.drjudithreisman.com/archives/2005/12/senate_subcommi.html

It says in part:

"It may seem surprising that, at this juncture, I should speak of "chemicals," when one might be thinking instead of "sex." But, in fact, modern science allows us to understand that the underlying nature of an addiction to pornography is chemically nearly identical to a heroin addiction: Only the delivery system is different, and the sequence of steps. That is why heroin addicts in particular give up sex and routinely compare their "rushes" to "orgasms."

The pornography addict soon forgets about everything and everyone else in favor of an ever more elusive sexual jolt. He will eventually be able to find it only among other "junkies" like himself, and he will place at risk his career, his friends, his family. He will indulge his habit anywhere and everywhere, at any time. No one, no matter how highly placed, is immune. And like all other addicts, the pornography addict will lie to cover it up, heedless of risk or cost to himself or to others."

In your reading I suggest you go to the "Spouses, For Wives" page and read some of the stories put out there by the women who have been crushed by their husbands sexual addiction. Feel their pain. It is devastating.

Then as a4givn1 suggests, get help. Get it now. Do not let one more day go by before you find and join some kind of addiction group. Confess your sin. Bring it to the light. You know 1 Jn 1:7, and ps 69, vs 1-5. Pastor, my friend and brother, read Psalm 69 as a prayer to your saviour. It brings tears to my eyes. I know your desperation. I know your shame. I know the horror you feel as you look at this vile addiction.

And so do many others. Read the statistics page on this web site. You are not alone. Satan is here to steal and kill and destroy, and pornography is one of his most potent weapons. He will steal your mind, kill your ministry and destroy your life.

I have been ruined by pornography. But it is not too late. Do not give rest to your eyes until you have gone to our gracious savior and laid this at his feet.

But do it now. Do it now! Do not indulge yourself one more time. I did that. And thirty years went by. Thirty wasted years in sewage and filth. Take the battle to the enemy today. Drag his sorry ass into the light and crush this hold he has on your soul.

I will pray for you, my brother. Do not let pride keep you from fighting this sin.

 

 

pastorinla,

I've found the 12-step approach extremely important in my own recovery.  There are a number of similar fellowships started in different places at about the same time that have not yet managed to unite.  Places to get info on local, phone, and on-line meetings include

saa-recovery.org (Sex Addicts Anonymous)
slaafws.org (Sex and Love Addicts Anonymous)
sca-recovery.org (Sexual Compulsives Anonymous)
sa.org (Sexaholics Anonymous)

The most active on-line meetings seem to me to be those of SLAA; a jumping off point is

slaaonline.org

Other people here will probably make different recommendations, and counseling and other activities are important to recovery to many people.  For me, though, both the on-line and face-to-face meetings of SAA and SLAA are really a central part of my recovery and of my continuing emotional and spiritual growth.  In LA, you ought to have multiple meetings of each of these fellowships every night of the week.

It may seem daunting to treat this addiction like a real addiction and to go to meetings and get a sponsor and work the steps just like an AA or NA; but to me, facing who I am honestly was a huge part of my recovery and of forming a relationship with God.  My SAA and SLAA meetings are full of alcoholics and drug addicts, and I don't think any of those people has ever said to me that they found sex addiction easier to beat than their other addictions.  Sex addiction is real and it's hard and it needs serious tools and serious honesty with real people if we are to learn to do better.  Why not try tools that have helped many other addicts of other sorts?  Every tool we are unwilling to pick up just makes recovery harder, IMHO.

Again, welcome!

Tim M.