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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2006 8:53:19 GMT -7
I also posted my story in Marriage and Family....but to make it short to introduce myself....I'm 22 my husband 23 been together for 6 years have a two year old daughter been married 5 months....he struggles with porn to the extent he didnt' even want to have sex with me.......well now he tried touching my sisters breast while she was asleep on the couch..........I confronted him and told him i wanted a divorce.......he says don't give up on him yet, he wants helpl.......my sister is only 13 but looks about 18......could the porn have corrupted his mind to do such a thing and is there help availbable..........he wants the help and has even said he's ready to start going to church with me and getting God in his life...cover up or not?  |
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Post by Deleted on Dec 4, 2006 10:54:50 GMT -7
.......my sister is only 13 but looks about 18......could the porn have corrupted his mind to do such a thing and is there help availbable..........he wants the help and has even said he's ready to start going to church with me and getting God in his life...cover up or not? Yes, I believe porn can lead a person to do things that they never would have done. Much as any drug can alter thinking and the difference between right and wrong. I know my husband cringes today at the thought of things that he did while influenced my porn. In the world of porn, everything is ok. There is no taboo anymore. I do find it a bit disturbing that your husband actually tried to cross the line into real life with a 13 year old girl. This may be a bigger of a problem than just porn. Only he knows if his quest for God is sincere but it certainly isn't going to hurt. I understand the pain of sister being involved. My husband did something inappropriate regarding my sister but it was through video and my sister is 8 years my senior. |
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Post by Steve on Dec 4, 2006 11:00:08 GMT -7
Yes, pornography use definitely can lead a person down a path of behaviors one would never consider doing, including crossing boundaries and one's moral values with sexual behavior.
Now regarding your husband's words that he wants to make change in his life, only you know the truth about whether he is being genuine or if this is a "cover up" as you described. What do you think?
-Steve
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2006 3:56:06 GMT -7
I want to beleive that he is sincere, and he does act very sincere and my sister even came to me last night and told me she seen the sorryfullness in his eyes at church Sunday.....and not to leave him....but I'm not sure how I can look at him sexually the same again....I guess thats what counseling for both of us will help with! I mean is there other cases of Porn leading to such things, and did we catch it soon enough for it to be cured, or is it something I will worry about and something he will suffer with forever?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2006 3:56:21 GMT -7
just please keep praying!!!!!!!!!!!!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2006 4:39:00 GMT -7
Praise - So you and your husband made it through those things??? And does your sister know about what happened and how does she deal with it?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 5, 2006 13:11:12 GMT -7
No, my sister doesn't know. The whole thing caused great damage between me and my sister. I felt that she was a threat. I know now that it was wrong but I was young, in pain, and didn't know where to turn. It happened over 15 years ago at my first daughter's first birthday party.
My husband have healed, moved on and have become incredibly stronger.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2006 3:41:31 GMT -7
Praise, so you guys have been able to move past this? And your marriage is strong now? That is one thing I worry about, that it will always bother me, always come to my mind, especially when it comes to having sex with him again.....I guess I just want to know if it still crosses your mind a lot or if you have been able to forgive AND forget?
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2006 4:35:13 GMT -7
I have completely forgiven my husband but I have not forgotten. When I found the video tape he had made, I was seven months pregnant. The shock of it threw me into a bout of shingles. I still have scars from the shingles and a droopy eye which was the result of the shingles inducing Bels Palsy. It was quite horrible. If it isn't a reminder of that first birthday party, my sister. or anything Hawaiian themed, then it is my eye and scars every time I look in the mirror. I have to make a conscious effort to not go to bad thoughts, bring it up in my mind, or to ruminate on it anymore. It took time. It also took my husband changing COMPLETELY. He does not slip with porn or masturbation. His every action of every day reflects that he is no longer that man that did this so many years ago. If he would not have changed, I don't think we would have healed.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2006 6:22:30 GMT -7
Praise, pretty much the answer I expected, something you have to battle with in your own mind, and will take time! I also agree that he will have to completely change. I got to meet with my pastor tonight....hopefully he will have some answers for me..... My husband has never been a church goer or even mentioned God's name in the 6 years we have been together, and he has told me about praying, and talking to God, to get us through this, being that my sister isn't harmed by this in anyway I sometimes think that this was God's way of getting us both right with him, because otherwise my husband would still mock the fact that I want God in our lives....... He works in mysterious ways......I just hope that he is serious about this and sticks to his changes! Thank you for all your advice and answers!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 8, 2006 2:26:55 GMT -7
[align=left]You can find messages on sexual child abuse here: masteringlife.gospelcom.net/page.php?load=audio[real=320,256]pnm://ra.gospelcom.net/mlm/r030a.RA[/real] - Manytimes those who seek to abuse kids/teens have had sexual abuse in their past.[/align]
- Mastering Life Ministries is one of the few ministries I reccomend to help guys deal with incest or child abuse issues. I've heard a story online of one guy that was serving in the army in Germany in the past few years. He ended up acting out his porn addiction with a young neighbor's daughter, and was dealt with in military court.
- I also believe that regardless of child abuse being an issue or not, the book reccomended on that webpage, Sexual Healing, would be a good resource for your husband.
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2006 4:06:14 GMT -7
Thank you whatloveis........ No, I have asked him several times and he reassured me that there has been no sexual abuse in his past.....so I'm really not sure...... I honestly think that pornography has lead him into doing these things......we are currently going through counsling wiht our pastor and I will also take a look at the links you have suggested........thank you so much!
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Post by Deleted on Dec 11, 2006 4:06:29 GMT -7
Thank you whatloveis........ No, I have asked him several times and he reassured me that there has been no sexual abuse in his past.....so I'm really not sure...... I honestly think that pornography has lead him into doing these things......we are currently going through counsling wiht our pastor and I will also take a look at the links you have suggested........thank you so much!
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