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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2006 5:12:27 GMT -7
[align=left]i know i just posted earlier this morning, and i know it sounds crazy, but this is such an emotional roller coaster for me. one minute i'm feeling somewhat strong, that i can handle this etc......then, something will trigger a fear, and i wanna run......such as an image of a pretty girl, or, what triggered it this morning is simply watching the 700 club.....and they said that friday there was going to be a story about a lady who, after 25 years of marriage, discovered her hubby was gay!! i'm so scared, i feel it will be so much better on my own. i never wanted this again, and again........i'm feeling strong at times.......but sometimes i really want to just RUN! i would be secure on my own, i wouldn't have to worry anymore.....i would love and forgive him and try to help him, but be on my own.......i feel the need to guarentee 100% my security in the future over this subject. I can choose NO MORE HURT if i make the choice to. [/align]
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Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2006 18:55:27 GMT -7
Hi Annegirl,
I think you are wise to stay, as he has confessed this sin and is working on it. Yes, you could choose to never have another relationship, which would preclude being hurt by porn, but life is plagued with pain, and while God is there for us at all times, would it not be a blessing to have your husband, in whose love you appear confident, to share life's burdens? Yes, we can be burdens to one another, at times, and, yes, porn is up there among the worst, but as long as he agrees with God that it is wrong, and is striving to exclude it from your lives, I believe that you are most closely in line with God's best for you. It is the fire which transforms soft clay in to usable vessels.
TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Sept 7, 2006 0:50:31 GMT -7
hi there....i really appreciate your prayers and thoughts......this morning i seem to be going through an angry stage......well, my hubby got caught. out of our 9 years of marriage, i've caught him 3 times, and he's confessed on his own about something 1 time. and the one time he confessed on his own was at the beginning of this year, he said he's had phone sex a couple years ago, and it only happened once (supposidly) and he felt terrible and needed to get it off his chest. i was understanding (hurt, of course) and i forgave him and we moved on......then.....only a month after his tearful confesssion, he goes on a trip with his work (with his laptop) and gets into porn on the internet.......it makes me so confused as to why he seemed so regretful, and then have an attitude of "whew, that's over, now let's see, where was i....." and then get into it once again on the internet. and the reason why i'm angry this morning is cuz it seems he's trying to blame his insecurities for the reason he was into porn. oh boy, if that's the whole truth behind it, i suppose i'll be deep in it cuz I'M very insecure now....(just kidding of course, i would never want to be into that stuff). i'm most certain i WILL stay, cuz i DO love him.......but it'll be a road that's for sure. also, which each time i've caught him, it was ALWAYS remorse and tears.....then he just does it again......so how i've got 3 battles of my own here: 1. regaining trust (since he lied to me many times to cover this) 2. feeling secure in my future with him (will this happen AGAIN?) and 3. my body image....this morning i felt like crying as i got dressed, i couldn't even stand to look at myself.....there was nobody in the room, but i turned to the wall as if there was someone looking. i know this will be a long process, i'm willing to stay, but there's some major issues to work through. i trust my Lord and Savior cuz He's an awsome God and never changes, He is a God of love......He loves me and he loves my hubby......i trust Him....but i find it so hard to live with my hubby who i do NOT trust. i know we can't run away from problems, but i feel with this one....i can.....cuz the problem is having a man in my life....and i can just live single for the rest of my life.......don't get me wrong...i know there are some GREAT guys out there......i am in NO WAY a man hater.......i also think my hubby is great, except in this area, and i told him before we married that i wouldn't be able to survive any porn in the marriage etc (cuz i had it in my previous marriage)....i laid it all out before we got married......he reassured me he would NEVER do that to me...... well, thanks so much for your caring words and prayer....i truly do appreciate it!
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2006 1:06:12 GMT -7
Hi,
Still praying...
I'm sure you've read here that they do not look at it because they find us unattractive, but I know that that is hard to believe in your heart. You probably also know that anger is a very typical response.
You are quite right. Remorse alone is not enough. It is the steps, like not traveling, permitting accountability software, joining a support group and/or getting counsel, etc., that help demonstrate commitment to recovery. Trust becomes more fragile with repetition of damaging it. I hope your H truly understands that he could lose you over this. It is, after all, adultery. Some guys take a while to understand that porn = unfaithfulness. It is not just intercourse, it is unfaithfulness of the eyes and mind, anything which satisfies desire other than you.
As SA is less common with women, I have not read whether or not insecurity is an issue for women, but it certainly seems to be for men. That does not mean they can use it as a cop-out, but insecurities, father issues, and whatever introduced them to porn are all topics for counsel.
TruthSeeker
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Post by Deleted on Sept 8, 2006 1:24:47 GMT -7
yes, i see what u r saying. this will be a road, that's for sure. this morning i laid on my couch with some christian music on and just tried to focus on me and my Saviour.....concentrating on my relationship with the One i trust and i know loves me......i think that's a good starting point right now.
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