Post by Deleted on Sept 6, 2006 3:12:59 GMT -7
[align=left]i'm so thankful for this forum, it really helps! hubby and i have been married almost 9 years. i came from a previous marriage where my X was into porn and would go to strip joints. he didn't care that it bothered me.....needless to say, we were divorced after 9 years of marriage. he was not a christian. my current hubby IS a christian, but the same thing is happening to me again. i thought i would be safe with a christian man. however, my hubby NOW is awesome, wonderful, caring, and loving. he's a great hubby and dad. he needs to know that now more than ever. he, unlike my X, feels terrible about what he's done. but he has lied to me again and again over the years to hide this addiction. i know he didn't visit websites as much as some men who have an addiction problem.....but like someone said in this forum "it doesn't matter the frequency, it's not tolerated in our house". he has looked in my eyes and lied. he use to do it at home.....but has gotten better at hiding what he did and stopped looking at porn in the home (after being caught a couple times)....then he started traveling with his work....for 3 days or 7 weeks, he would be gone....with a laptop......i worried when he bought the laptop, but i was trying to trust.......and look what happened.....problems again......i'm not good with computers at ALL......so i took the laptop to a computer store and had them check it out......well, he was doing it again......i told myself if it ever happened again, i would leave him. i found a rental home right next to a place where i use to work before.... and i even checked to see if they had openings there and they do.....BUT......i love him, and he loves me.....i know he hates what he's done.....we are taking a different route to healing this time......last time it was only words of remorse and promises to stop.....this time, i have that as well, but we are going to go through a study at home (2 books....one for him and one for me...and 2 workbooks.....Every Man's Battle and Every Heart Restored)......and he's going to talk to his brother who is a youth minister who ALSO battled with this problem.......and he's not going to travel with his work anymore..........and we're praying together....that helps a BUNCH! lastnight i was feeling distance because satan kept putting images in my mind to think about my hubby actually partaking in this stuff 
.......i don't want to think on it :X! i hate to imagine it! i really have to battle these looming thoughts......but hubby said "do u wanna pray" and i said "yes" and we prayed together and i felt so much better. it will still take some time......but i realize that it's not my looks....i battled that thought for years! however, even though i realize that, i still have to overcome my insecurities of "why did BOTH of my husbands turn to looking at others?......what's wrong with me?......i weigh 108, i try my best to look good.....what more can i do??" i know it's not me, but i still have to battle the battle of loving my body and myself. and a battle even bigger, is choosing NOT to leave (i would be easier to leave, believe me!), but choosing to trust once again, putting my heart once again on the line, afraid of future hurt, and each time it happens, it hurts WORSE.......but i believe this time is different cuz we're taking a different road to healing. and i really am crazy about him......we're so much alike.......and oddly enough, i know he hates porn as much as i do in our marriage, i know we both want a pure marriage with eyes for only each other.....the way God intended........thanks to everyone for their input on this site, men and women both.......lets look to God :dude: in our marriages and He will pull us through..... 
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.......i don't want to think on it :X! i hate to imagine it! i really have to battle these looming thoughts......but hubby said "do u wanna pray" and i said "yes" and we prayed together and i felt so much better. it will still take some time......but i realize that it's not my looks....i battled that thought for years! however, even though i realize that, i still have to overcome my insecurities of "why did BOTH of my husbands turn to looking at others?......what's wrong with me?......i weigh 108, i try my best to look good.....what more can i do??" i know it's not me, but i still have to battle the battle of loving my body and myself. and a battle even bigger, is choosing NOT to leave (i would be easier to leave, believe me!), but choosing to trust once again, putting my heart once again on the line, afraid of future hurt, and each time it happens, it hurts WORSE.......but i believe this time is different cuz we're taking a different road to healing. and i really am crazy about him......we're so much alike.......and oddly enough, i know he hates porn as much as i do in our marriage, i know we both want a pure marriage with eyes for only each other.....the way God intended........thanks to everyone for their input on this site, men and women both.......lets look to God :dude: in our marriages and He will pull us through..... 
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