Another in the ranks... dicovering that I DO have a problem

Hi, this is Mallory hailing from nothern New Mexico. I have been masturbating since around puberty, but I didn't know exactly what I was doing, didn't even know the word masturbation. I did know that it probably wasn't right, but wasn't positive, and that sure isn't much of a sword against masturbation, especially considering the heart factors that were at work. I kept it a secret, although my step dad suspected something, on top of other accusations that actually weren't true.  I discovered what it was called after reading Not Even a Hint by Josh Harris, but I still was not at the point of feeling like it was a serious enough issue to go through telling someone ( must be some kind of issue if I'm ashamed of it, right?). I have since moved out, where masturbation and unlimited eating( esp. craving sugar and chocolate) have increased. These are related in that they are both self comfort, but they feed off of each other in the guilt that they produce. The biggest wake up call though, is how the mental effect is ruling me in my everyday life at work, at martial arts( not anymore- I got asked to leave based on my emotional instability- never been told to leave anything before), and with my friends. My biggest struggle is the emotional rollercoaster that I'm on- I can go from happy and carefree to deadly silent, which leads into tears if aloud the time. I do have father wound issues, isolation issues, and difficulty even getting an idea of grace. Masturbation is really just the outward part of what hurts so bad- but at least it is a wake up call. I have also found myself to be very vulnerable when men try to arouse me sexually- I do not have the strength to walk away most of the time,  despite the fact that I have only had two boyfriends, both fairly short term. The first did nothing, but the relationship that I just got out of- well- I hesitatingly allowed everything but actual intercourse and kissing on my lips( two things that I objectively vowed to give no one but my husband).  The bad part is that, despite the fact that I realized it was wrong, now when I start thinking about him, I often feel the urge to mastubate, and have done so more since I broke it off with him. I just need help digging up and dealing with heart issues, discovering grace, and avoiding the outer symptom of it all- masturbation