...new...

Well, welcome to the hard but rewarding and freeing journey of recovery. You're at the beginning and I can really relate to a lot of what you said. Indeed, I remember those days of being in the "double bind" of my addiction; It really did feel like I was "damned if I did and damned if I didn't." I struggled with letting go of my addiction and having a sense of mourning and "missing" my addiction.

Recovery is indeed a very tough endeavor, and personally, I consider my own recovery to be one of the toughest things I have ever taken on in my life. As you continue on your journey, I can assure you more and more pain, grief and "issues" are going to come to the surface. See, as we let go of our "security blank" (i.e. our drug), we relinquish our #1 means to avoid/cope with our pain. In that light, it would only be expected that things would seem to get worse in the beginning of our recovery.

I have two questions that I have piqued my interest. Feel free to share as you feel comfortable:

1) Can you elaborate more about your difficulties with relating to the women in your freedom group in person?

And secondly,

2) How do are these difficulties connected to the deeper issues that drove you to your addiction? Put another way, how is this related to your pain, hurt and anger?

Oh and welcome to the forum!

-Steve

Thanks, Steve & JustMe...  to answer your questions  ...Relating to women... I was married at 16, and have never really had a friendship with a woman since...  I've just been a wife and mom.  So I guess I feel retarded in that sense.  I can barely hold a conversation.  That makes it difficult to connect.  How does that relate to my current issues?    I can only guess.  Maybe it has to do with not getting a chance to really grow up within myself, or ever become someone within my own being.  And I know I do still harbor anger toward my husband for this.  (I know I'm responsible for my behavior.  However, he was 20 at the time, and in my eyes, an adult).  While he seems to have been able to "settle down", I feel that I never really have inside my heart and mind.  Add to that an "absent" and emotionally neglectful father, and a difficult mother, who seems to think I'm lucky to even "have a husband" (clearly revealing what she thinks of me) and I guess somewhere in there, I guess I developed a kind of disrespect for women and a deep desire to be noticed and valued by men.   I have always longed for men, even when I've hated them.  Strange and sad thing is, that desire for acceptance doesn't seem to include my husband to that same degree.  I care for him; he's one reason I'm doing this recovery thing.  But as much as he affirms me, it doesn't seem to be enough.  I just feel this need for men, and it is strong and very real.  Frankly, it scares me.


 

Not sure why, but your email link dn work.  I am seeing a lady at wings of grace, but she's kind of flaky, and keeps stating the obvious.  I do need someone to get down to the nitty-gritty.  Any recommendations are appreciated.  Also, thanks for taking   time to help me out today. 

Hi MJ9,

 

I, too, am a wife here, not having experienced where you are, but I hope you might find my perspective helpful.

 

I, of course, do not know your mother, so what you heard may be exactly what she meant.  I would like to try and shift the image.  It is, in no way, that YOU are lucky to have a husband, as you are a special and unique creation of God and He desires the best for your life.  Therefore, there is nothing whatsoever about you that would make you undeserving of a loving husband, which, from what you have said, (if I'm reading correctly,) you have.  Where you are fortunate, blessed, is in having a husband who loves and affirms you.  There are countless women on the planet who would give much for a man who would truly love them.  I have seen what many of my friends have been through, and while we have had our struggles, I would not trade my husband for anyone on earth.

 

The busyness of life and other things had left our relationship somewhat stagnant, but I prayed that God would give me a renewed desire for my husband, and He did!

 

I am praying for you.  I pray that God will also give you a renewed desire for your husband.  I pray that He will help you to forgive those who have hurt or disappointed you, especially your husband.  I pray that, as much as it is possible for any of us, that God will strengthen your home and marriage in such a way that your children will not carry pain in to adulthood such as you have endured.  Finally, I pray that God will fill you with a desire for Him and His word, which is the only thing that can satisfy restlessness and fill emptiness. 

 

TruthSeeker

Truth seeker,  Thanks for your prayers.  Always a good thing, and much appreciated.  Actually, things are finally turning around for us after years of heck.  He is getting back on track with the Lord, which was a primary issue, and much improvement has followed.  Just hoping I'm not too far gone to apprecitate it and participate in a healthy marriage.  Thanks again ~m...

 

You're welcome.

May I also ask: Are you working through Doug's 101 freedom exercises in your freedom group? I've found that workbook to be very helpful in many ways with staying clean, growing spiritually and all that.

-Steve

mj9,

Prayed for you as well!  Sounds like you're getting the best possible support and advice there is as you recover!  I admire you for taking these steps towards health and freedom and want you to know, there are many women struggling as you have, who will benefit greatly from your questions and transparent sharing!  Honestly, it seems to me you have more to offer to your Freedom group than you realize!  Do you ever feel it's fear keeping you from sharing and interacting more?  You really do have a lot to offer!  I'll pray specifically for you about this and for your marriage as well!!

With care,
Captivated