So difficult to understand....

Jesus is the only one to define and give us our worth. Our worth is seen best when we see what Jesus did for us on the cross. He cried and bled for you. He died for you. I say this is because on the other side, I also struggle with worth. I don't want to make this about me, it's about you and your worth.

Romans 5:8
John 3:16
John 8

The best I feel is when I read Jesus tell me, "Neither do I condemn you, go and sin no more" As an addict, I feel damned to hell, I cry, I have no motivation for days, God's promises it seems have lost their effect because my mind is dwelling on my fall, my sin, my lust, my sickness and I get sick literally and cant' eat, no energy.

I am not your husband and attempt to comfort you as to say that we share the same heart stance , but if he has any remorse, I"m am sure that God does discpline his children and I am also sure that the Holy Spirit is convicting him of his own sins. This is all unseen and no one knows this area, not even you or me, but him and God only. If he is giving you signs of hope, and change, please pray for him and his soul and his salvation, please pray that he will love you and not other women and men, pray is the way to get healed by God's power. That's all I can say.

God's Word is what I am only left with. Books are only a small help if they tell me God's promises, because I don't lean into man's/women's advice a lot.

God will loves you,
God will loves your husband and these others he is or was with too.
God is not going to let us remain in our sin and circumstance without Him intervening somehow.
That is the hard part to realize.
So we have to trust in him.

For all the love, emotional support, because a man can't ever do that for you, like my wife can't either.
Her best love and appearance is not going to help me "make a decision to hate lust, fight in spiritual warfare" which is where we are at.

Satan beats us up mentally, telling you lies of not worthy, that is cow manure, look at how Jesus proved it, hate the liar Satan and hate his lies so much, you quote is back to him and say "in the name of Jesus, get thee behind me, Satan for it is written "God demonstrates his own love for us in that while we were yet sinners, Christ died for us" Romans 5:8 and "The God of peace will soon crush satan understand your feet, Romans 16:19-20"

Romans 12:1,2 ' be transformed in the renewing of your mind'

let God's Word change, wash, you.

Run to God as your refuge.

Psalms 46:1

and God says He is our refuge. He is your Salvation.
With God ALL THINGS are possible.

I say this to me too not only to you. I am not mad, this is just how I type/write

Chipper, you have great worth! You are a sacred daughter of God! Sending you a platonic big hug as a brother in Christ!

I can't imagine what that would be like for a wife. We men have a facility to 'compartmentalize' that I don't think women do. That means for women everything is kind of 'all there all the time' as I understand it. Of course this is much better for relationships and other things! I know this has caused a lot of problems in my relations with women, and it must be very difficult to understand. Your husband saying he wants to look to the future sounds like a bit of denial to me. It's a good thought though if he can walk it out. Unfortunately that compartmentaizing has in the past (many times) led me to thinking 'great, that's all in the past!' until Boom! it happens again!

My only recommendation is for you to encourage your husband to let male Pastors/ other Christian brothers get involved. It's a marathon not a sprint, and he will need male support and accountability to do this, if my experience is anything to go by.

God bless you! Remember, count it all blessing when you are dispitefully used, because yours will be the greater reward in the Kingdom of Heaven.