Hi Lynn, I will pray for you and your husband. Perhaps, it might help if he will convert his phone into a flip phone. I did this to win my wifes favor and it was helpful. But later when she was OK, I went back to a smart phone, but later, realized that I was still not yet able to handle that, so I am back to a flip phone. Now for almost 5 years. It will help your sanity and if he is willing, that is great.
If he is able to use a PC instead in front of you for accountability, it might have you with a peace of mind. I also did this for a long time and then my wife told me to move into a different room. She is trusting me and I am doing ok now. I know I will never be out of the woods but the mind and heart is able to change with God's help.
My wife has experienced what you wrote. I make her sick. I hope your husband will be able to think very seriously about this sins, as we are now, and think of his
1. salvation
2. his walk with Jesus Christ
3. his committment to you when you first married and his committment to love you (Ephesians 5 tells us guys to love our wife as Christ loves the church). Prov 5-7 tells guys to love their wives not the immoral women. These are my key verses for building my faith and understanding what God wants from me.
I know my wife wants to see Jesus Christ in me, but I am the issue. My whole me, the I, the ego. We (old evil man) must die (Romans 6). John 15 Jesus says Abide in Me and without Me you can do nothing, so as a recoverying person, I need to abide in Jesus daily. Not merely externals but giving God my time, praying to Him, asking for help to cool the flames of lust when it arrives.
You will need healing too. Only Jesus can provide it, and can and will, I trust.
Here is something difficult to understand.
I made my wife a god, idol, as I was always so hurt when she resisted me for intimacy. I have rejected that ..what I mean is, I am done whimpering and waiting for her to want me, if she wants me, she can easily, I mean, easily have me, we are married so ... but I have learned to give up the whole wanting of 's-x' and the female body, because it was s-x and the female body as a whole that was my god, so when I say, I have rejected that, THAT is what I mean, my slavery to worship the female body. This worshipping of the creation is also biblically taught about in Romans 1 when it says "they worshiped and served the creation rather than the Creator". It doesn't matter if the man is a pagan or believer, he must not worship the women's body. It is never said alot that our porn addiction is notthing more than idolatry, and idolatry is adultery (Matthew 5:27-30) and this means, we are really serving other gods, but in word and we "think" we are not, but in reality, we are. When I learned this fact, it changed my perspetive on recovery, and led me to think, that I needed to engage in spiritual warfare.
Yes, Samson fell, Yes, David, fell, but they didn't keep falling like I do, so there is something very wrong with me. This is deep spiritual matter, but the Bible also says "With God, all things are possible" and I have to really believe that.
All things means and includes my recovery, my born-again experience, my Spirit filled life, and also my wife's healing, my wife's own recovery from my insanity.
I hope your husband will think of joining us here so we can encourage and pray for him. If he is willing, I am willing to reach out to him too. I"m sure other brothers here will too.
You are among us now and that is good. Lots of wives here can help you. But sometimes, it's quite.
There are lot of good articles on the main site
www.blazinggrace.org/wives-marriages/also on the wives forum here
blazinggrace.forums.net/board/10/wivesDear Lord God, please help this marriage to heal and recover. Lord, we need You. We can do it without You. Please help lynn to heal and her husband to be real and help us to be real too. Please forgive us and please bring healing to lynn in Jesus' name we pray. Amen.
