New from MN

hello and welcome here. You are very much welcome here. We are all the same no matter what or where we are. Some have years of s-xual sobriety and that is great, some not and that is what we are working on. Our self and our relationship with Jesus. I have had issues my whole life too. I'm 40 years old, living in Japan right now.

I hope you continue to share here and talk about things on your mind. Some of us have different understanding on what recovery is all about and that is OK too. No one has all the answer, but we have the Word of God to help us filter out and see what is God's desire and not. I hope that will help you brother. I am reading the world daily and listening to it, because my issue is deep and I have to always consider 'the old man dead' according to Romans 6. For example, my wife is on her period, and I have to keep strong to Jesus and not think of ways to gratify my flesh. Also, my wife made it clear to me that "she is not a machine" either. I didn't say anything but just thought about that. I wanted to kind of retaliate in a way and argue "remember when we were young and always (fill in the blank)" but I didn't. She made more things clear to me like "I hope you don't fall again like you always do, and she was very sad and serious" She again reminded me "You probably don't know how bad you hurt me" and again I was silent. She went on to mention that "you talked to that 19 year old online and I never want to hear that again". She got me. Even if I was not fully involved in some affair, even if I was not engaged in cybersex with that person, my wife did not want me even talking to any women, even for the excuse I have often gave like "I was helping her, or sharing the gospel" because my wife can see right through that, even if my own lust has me intoxicated. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes, I have issues and I will not hide it. I would rather dime myself out, embarrass myself now, in order to get right back with God and recognize my weakness and not think of my wife as some "output" for my sexual desires. The Bible tells me to die to myself, I can't, I, without Christ can't, but if I am with Christ, then like Jesus said "with God all things are possible" to include holy living. Surely, we know the Bible but we can't live it out, unless, we are born again, spirit filled, crucified to the flesh, and humble, and all the things Jesus wants us to be, not for salvation, but an after effect of Salvation.

I stress alot to myself "Am I really saved?" in order to follow the scripture to "examine myself". Not to 'scare myself into heaven' but like Matthew 10:28 says, like Proverbs 16:6 says, like Prov 2:1-5 says. That is what I'm thinking about myself, and it's helping me, I hope it will help you too.

I hear you. The brain is a amazing creation of God and once poisoned, it's almost impossible to be healed. Like today, I was really intoxicated at work. I didn't act out but still, that doesn't matter. My brain is sick and even now, I have to do all it takes to stay close to the Lord.

Things like this forum are good for me.
Things like "thinking of those who tempted me, praying for their salvation. Also helps me break free"
Things like this.....

I hope day by day, we can get better.

What are you doing daily?

For me, I read the Bible and listen to it. Today, I paused on 1st Corinthians 13 and verse 1 and just thought about love.

I have heard it said that God has the best love. The lust in the s-xual immorality we crave is just not true. It's abuse for them and abuse for us. But our brain tricks us and says "but it feels good" but that is not true too. It feels good only means that our body is experiencing pleasure but the root of "why" it feels good.

In proverbs is says to "drink water from your own cistern" and my wife is my own cistern and I am supposed to be intoxicated by her looks, her breasts, etc, not in heat for other strange flesh for that is all the work of Satan. Satan has them bound and soon us too if we don't run like Joseph, get it right like David, and wait like Joseph, Mary's husband, who didn't have sex with Mary until after the birth of Jesus Christ. That's nine months of a godly man waiting. Wow.

I can't go a few weeks for begging my wife to help me. Rarely she is willing too, because of my sickness and she sees me as "always angry, always bitter, etc, etc, always horny, etc, etc" so naturally I have to change 'me' and not just for her to give me what I want but learning to be in touch in tune (I have no idea what that means but it seems a women wants her man to be in tune and one and all of this) with her. Now when I express that I want that, not just the physical, but to date her, take her out, she resists me. Many have told me to leave her too, which is a complete lie because it's me that ruined her and made her depressed.

Anyway, this is how I am right now. Please pray for me and I will pray for you. Thank you brother.

I will pray for you. I don't remember the last time the wife and I had sex.....

It's hard to explain. This has been a issue through our entire marriage. She has had to distance herself emotionally from me to a certain point. She's also almost 68, and there are physical issues. Maybe after some time of sincere lasting change on my part it could happen. It's in God's hands. My name is Lee. What is yours? I can't read the language it's in lol.

Same here brother.

Amen. It will take much time. Be patient brother and give her space.