Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Mar 18, 2022 5:03:32 GMT -7
Hello, thank you for sharing your story. I know only one thing. The relationship with God is more important than a relationship in marriage. What I mean is... if he is not serious with the Lord, then his recovery attempts will fail. The Bible says to have no hint of sexual immorality. God is constantly disciplining his children and if your husband is truly saved and born again, then God the Holy Spirit must be working on His heart I'm sure of it. God's Word says so.
I went to secular recovery meetings and did feel a 'sense of self-righteousness' that "I was not as bad as that guy" and little did I know it, I was falling farther than those guys who I accused of being more perverted than I. My wife noticed it and it was true for me. I left all secular recovery groups because to me, if their Higher Power is not the Lord and Savior Jesus Christ, then it's (secular) all a waste of time and going to build up a "self-righteousness" man who only wants to 'stop the acting out' whatever forms there are... in stead of giving the full heart to God, to include all sins more than sexual impurity (idolatry, love of self more than God, etc). This is where the secular groups go wrong. They say they have an answer if that answer if the equal to what Jesus' answer is (Born Again see John 3:3) then it will fail. (building a house in the sand vs on the rock).
Please ask your husband if this is a Christian recovery program. If not, he will meet potential Agnostics, Atheists, Buddhists, etc, etc, and they all claim to have a connection to their "HP" aka Higher Power aka God, which, according to the Bible, there is only One God. Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
It goes back to the basic understanding of the gospel. He ought to ask himself this.
1. Do I really know the Lord? See Matthew 7:21-23 on why this matters
2. Do I really want to stop sinning? See Psalm 51.
The man's heart, my heart, our hearts, have to be converted to the Lord Jesus Christ. This is Step 1, the Only Step in my opinion and I know other people share this conviction too. Now, I don't want to slam him for going to recovery. In the beginning, it was all new to me and I was just relieved to be able to share my true self and not feel judged, condemned and damned to hell, because believe me, he has felt that and that (shame) is what the secular programs try to deal with and take away and manage. They say "one day at a time" but really it was Jesus who said "Do not worry about tomorrow". I have to give credit to where credit is due.
So your husband is getting "some" help and it's a start and possibly good and one part can be dangerous, for some of these guys, who even claim to be a Christian, make their "program" their "religion" and I have seen it and heard they say it. Things like the "SA" Sexaholics Anonymous IS my religion and I am like....what?
No, our way of life ought to be in faith and obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ and "have no other gods before me" is what the Bible says. Jesus said "Go into the world and preach the gospel to all creatures teaching them all things I command you" so in this context, THAT is my recovery program. NOT sa, saa, or other secular 12 steps. It's one step - come to Jesus Christ.
Jesus Christ will change a man, I have seen it, I have experienced it, and when I am "full of pride and self" I have fallen too which is why I have to be careful not to be "Oh, I'm good today" because I'm never "good", but I can say "God, I need You, I want to do it right" then make changes in that direction, changes like "having no secret contacts with any co-workers, changes like 'having no private conversations on the side" and if I even tried, God would convict me and bring me to repent, and not seek to justify myself.
God will correct his children and I believe, if your husband is saved, God is working on him, but if not, then this is the matter - his conversion.
2nd, discipleship - meeting other Christian men (forums like this) or in person at the local church. Not so much secular programs. It's more like a check in the box - those secular programs because it's a type of "Oh, I went and I did, and I'm doing" but there is no Jesus there, just effort and attempts to follow steps where anyone can make a god (their interpretation of step 3) and whatever their sponsor says. You can tell probably that I am not really for secular recovery. Only Christ-Centered Sex Addiction Recovery is what I am for.
I'm glad you are here and feel like you can share your story. Please continue to pray for him and do what God wants you to do as you seek him. I'm not talking about giving him all the sex whenever he wants it. In a way, that is going to make it worse. What? Yes. In my case, when I asked my wife for quickies and help, she eventually said "no, you are addicted to your self" and "you only care about pleasing you and not us" and this got me because it was true. I had a "wrong" understanding of the Bible where I thought married = free sex anything. No way, my wife doesn't think so and now I don't think so too. There is a time for honeymoons when I am good enough and trustworthy to earn it and I am trying but many times rejected. My wife is brutally emotionally damaged for all the junk I put her through. She is right to leave me and I know it, but she chose to forgive me and yes, I can see her growing and yet, I know she might still not yet fully forgive me or is still grieving. I can tell when she is upset quick at me.
Your humble attitude, your gentle spirit will win him over. This is what attracted me back to my wife. She gave up trying to control me (I thought she was and sometimes still do but whatever). She used to tell me "No smartphone, no computer, no social media" and I was angry...but later she said "ok" and then I got it (smart phone, social media) but it was too much and I again fell. She grace and kindness was great, but it was too much, so I am back to a flipphone, no facebook, no social media. I just can't handle it. I definately can't handle talking to co-workers who are women. It's too much.
I think your husband has to stop talking to these female contacts immediately, but if he does that without a heart change, this is destined to return. He has to make a real committment to Jesus that he will live like a men with integrity should. Job said "I have a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a women" Job 31:1. This is even before Jesus gave us the command in Matthew 5:27-30 about "if your eye cause you to sin, gouge it out...". This is what the Bible says and it goes beyoung merely external and go after the heart and will - it says 'do not give the devil a foothold' and 'flee all sexual immorality' and 'have no hint of sexual immorality" and it's as if Jesus Christ is telling us "do not go there"
but the devil says "go there, do it, look, taste the forbidden fruit'
Adam and Eve's spirit died as God said it would. On the day you eat of the fruit, you shall die.
Everytime we lust, we get aroused, we are dying, we are being separated from God because of our sins.
If our theology is not making us holy, there is something wrong with our "theology".
I know I used to abuse God's grace and think "it's ok, God will forgive me" and "I can always ask for forgiveness later" then I would fall fast for any and all kinds of perversions, then feel all sad or just dive into a binge.
Do you know Romans 1 says that "people served the creation rather than the Creator" and in the realms of sex addiction - this means, just that, we worshipped the creation (porn/body parts/foreign/affairs). It's a pagan religion being put into practice, a humanism religion, bowing to the gods of sex). The porn actors are really paid prostitutions but we have legalized it, but this is sexual alter and sexual sacrifices to demons. Serving demons.
It's deep like that. God can help us to hate our sins more and more, but we are blind and need God to help open our eyes to see what really is at stake - our souls
One pastor told me this "Do you want your family and your children to remember you as the daddy who jerked himself all the way to hell? and I thought of my sons following my steps, while I was dead and possibly in hell and to imagine that it was possible for me and also my sons to join me in the lake of fire, was enough to make me think more sober thoughts. It was nothing magical what the Pastor said, the Bible already says this kind of stuff. See Luke 16.
God is not mocked and we will reap what we sow. But Satan says "You will not die, you will not reap what we sow". Yes we will.
We have to renounce all shameful deeds. We have to renounce all Satanic ties and all spiritual ties we made with spiritual prostitutes namely the ones we lusted after. They (the ones in the screen) are lost sinners, who are heading to the flames but they make their evil money now and have their pleasure now, but it's going to be over soon.
Sorry for the doom and gloom kind of approach but this is partly of where I am at right now.
After I was told those harsh words from that Pastor, I cried to God and God showed me that He was still for me and I could see in my mind that Jesus was real and still did love me, despite I hated myself and I hated the world, even my wife, and I confessed that, and God brought me back to Him. A miracle. Shortly after that, my friend encouraged me to read the Bible (duh right?) no not duh. He said very calmly...'have you ever read the entire bible?" I was shocked and said 'no' and he said just 3 chapters a day and you can do it. Like that. kindness and a little encouragement and God gave me a desire to read the Bible. Now I can say I have read the entire Bible. I'm not bragging but just saying it's possible to read the whole Bible and honestly it felt good, but I can't stop there. I still have to read it, and listen to it, and let this be what I meditate on and get my comfort and food from. Books and other stuff to me are secondary. God's Word has to be first in my life, and if I am reading that, then I can pick up a book and read it too.
I hope for you, you can meet and reach out to some other wives on this forum. You can search the names of our members and see if there is someone you can contact. If you have some sisters near you, who will listen to you, not judge you, not try to "fix" you, but just be humble to receive any good counsel and it's going to be hard. No one like to be told what we should do, but if the Bible is our source and love is the heart, then it's for our own good. God bless you and hopefully you will be ok.
If your husband needs a person to talk to, please ask him to join here and there are a few guys here that I think can reach out to him. I would like too as well.
