Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Jan 14, 2022 23:42:57 GMT -7
I have been to church my entire life, but I have also not been seriously seeking the Lord. I don't want to tell you my whole past but God is delivering me from sexual immorality but I'm still not what I should be. I'm not talking to women, I'm not watching filthy pornography, I'm not committing adultery but I am still involved in my own sexual addiction recovery.
At church, I have never talked about this with many people. In Junior High? No. In High School? No. When I was an adult? No. Why? Because of fear of others. Because of shame. Because I thought "they are more holier than dirty me". Because I thought "they are righteous, not doing what I'm doing". Because "if I told them, they would kick me out like the Bible says to expel the immoral brother".
In my story. I didn't tell and waiting because I thought "I am ok" and "if my wife found out, she would be crushed" I did not to tell anyone but "my sins found me out"
God knew what it would take to get my attention. God did get my attention. When my wife found out about me, she was crushed, and wanted to leave me. I think any wife would want to leave their husband if she found out her husbands porn / adultery addictions.
But what I have found out from experience and from reading other hurting wifes testimonies is that....the wife who is crushed and hurting actually wants her husband to repent and want him back. This was a truth, I never realized because I was believing this lie.
I am worthless
if she really knew me, should would not love me, but run
God can't love someone like me
For years and years, I believed that lie. "You are a dog. You are nothing. You will never change. You are a sex addict". Let me tell you what believing those lies does to a person, like it did to me. It drives them deeper into their addiction. They think "I'm sick, I can never change, so what's the point" so they binge on porn, prostitutes, and all other kinds of adultery. This is the reality of many men, even in the church. It was for me. It was for others too. It's being exposed on TV now. Have you heard of the Ravi Zacharias? He was a popular apologist, but he was doing a lot of wrong. You can find out yourself. I'm here to say, that I am like that kind of man, and some others too. Are we wolves in sheeps clothing? Only the Lord knows. I'm not seducing women to have sex with now, but I have done that.
This is what really bothers me.
Since I was in sex addiction recovery, I heard that some churches were starting their own recovery groups. Like "Every Man's Battle" and "Celebrate Recovery" and I wanted to ask if our church would have something like that too. The pastor only said "Well, see what the Lord says" and nothing became of it.
I also asked a brother there. What do you think about having a men's accountability group? He said "No, because I have already done that and we are just going to throw the Bible at each other and tell preach to others, beside, I already lusted today". I was really bummed out. Now, I was being open about my struggles and wanting accountability and no one really wanted to be open and transparent with me. I said. This is terrible and I felt seriously hurt by this kind of "fake fellowship" where we all smile on Sunday but we can't even talk about our struggles to one other. To some of the brother's credit, there were a few who shared their struggles with me, but it was not frequent, and it was only when I brought it up.
It seems the secular recovery groups do something right but I know they are not truly right. Having meeting and accountability is right but if Jesus Christ is the only true Higher Power, then we are just making a false god, so I left the 12 step meetings of Sexaholics Anonymous, Sex Addict Anonymous, and Alcoholics Anonymous. I had to find a place where their would be a Christ-Centered recovery group.
I also knew my weakness was with women and I could not really help another women who was also recovery from sex addiction because that would be like a trigger (temptation) for me.
I did find one website but it was shut down. It was the forum for "every man's battle". Hardly anyone posted on there too. Later, I found a ministry called "Blazing Grace". They had a forum on it and I registered for it because it was the closest think I could find for recoverying from sex addiction and for Christians. I am glad I found that forum because now I am helping out there in a ministry type of fashion. There are guys and women who share their struggles. There is also a place for wifes to support each other and they share their hurts and struggles and it was a real eye opener for us men, who were addicts and we also shared our perspective with the wives, who thought "it was my fault" which was a lie, and we are here to confirm that the husbands sex addiction is not the wife's fault at all.
A man who is still in his addiction will say "it's your fault", "you are not there for me", "if you were more affectionate". No no no. That is not even true. The husband who said that is still in his addiction, and doesn't want to be free from it, because he is a slave to it and is only trying to justify it. This is true.
Men, we need to talk about this kind of stuff. We need to repent and love our wifes, not holding grudges against her. Losing our wife is terrible enough, but losing your soul and going to hell is really what is at stake here, despite our professions of faith. Even if you and I say "I'm a Christian" but if we are still watching porn, masturbating, committing adultery, God is not going to play games and we will answer for what we did. Romans 1 says "God gave them over to a depraved mind" What happens when God gives us over? Look at the prisons who are filled with child pornographers, serial killers, and the rest" Guess where they are going? If they do not repent, they will be burning in the flames of hell forever. Luke 16 says so.
There are some stumbling blocks the brothers have against sisters in Christ. Here they are.
1. wearing revealing clothes
Well, I can't think of anything else, but when I read "Every Man's Battle" one man mentions this. Women know please men are easy to look at you, and yes, even though it's the men's fault for sexually being attracted to you and lusting, please make this burden easier by wearing modest clothes. Showing your body will not help him and will just enflame lust. No, this is not a rebuke to you, because honestly, you could be wearing a full eskimo suit and mask and just that would be enought to make some men in heat. I'm not lying and yes, the man is still who must die to self and learn self-control. Some men are also not Christians (Matthew 7:21-23).
For the men, I wish they would talk to other men, be open about their stuggles, ask for prayers, repent, cry, forsake sins, cut off all adulterous relationship, and be truly remorseful to God for sinning.
Sexual sins are idolatry and adultery. It's not merely "arousal" which is lust. It's more than that. It's binding your spirit to a spirit of a prostitute. And this tie but be broken by the Power of God, in the Name of Jesus, not broken by some recovery things we might try.
When Jesus teaching us about being 'born-again' like in John 3, I really truly think we need to be born again, despite we think we are already. If we dont' live like it, how can we think it. If we really trust in Jesus, that Jesus died for our sins, If we see the Son of God being crushed, for us, loving us, ....and we hope in Jesus, and we love the Lord Jesus....then...how is it, I fall back into sexual sins. (constant porn, masturbation, adultery).
Could it be that I was never even saved? Maybe.
What if I was saved? Then we know what we have to do. Repent (confess, forsake sins (proverbs 28:13)) and believe (trust in Jesus Christ) that He is willing to save me, despite how I feel, that God is powerful to save me, and go to God for receiving the unconditional love and help we need. Our wife can't fill that void, not matter how much sex. Our wife can't be our idols. Our wife is only our suitable partner. Imperfect like us.
At church, I have never talked about this with many people. In Junior High? No. In High School? No. When I was an adult? No. Why? Because of fear of others. Because of shame. Because I thought "they are more holier than dirty me". Because I thought "they are righteous, not doing what I'm doing". Because "if I told them, they would kick me out like the Bible says to expel the immoral brother".
In my story. I didn't tell and waiting because I thought "I am ok" and "if my wife found out, she would be crushed" I did not to tell anyone but "my sins found me out"
God knew what it would take to get my attention. God did get my attention. When my wife found out about me, she was crushed, and wanted to leave me. I think any wife would want to leave their husband if she found out her husbands porn / adultery addictions.
But what I have found out from experience and from reading other hurting wifes testimonies is that....the wife who is crushed and hurting actually wants her husband to repent and want him back. This was a truth, I never realized because I was believing this lie.
I am worthless
if she really knew me, should would not love me, but run
God can't love someone like me
For years and years, I believed that lie. "You are a dog. You are nothing. You will never change. You are a sex addict". Let me tell you what believing those lies does to a person, like it did to me. It drives them deeper into their addiction. They think "I'm sick, I can never change, so what's the point" so they binge on porn, prostitutes, and all other kinds of adultery. This is the reality of many men, even in the church. It was for me. It was for others too. It's being exposed on TV now. Have you heard of the Ravi Zacharias? He was a popular apologist, but he was doing a lot of wrong. You can find out yourself. I'm here to say, that I am like that kind of man, and some others too. Are we wolves in sheeps clothing? Only the Lord knows. I'm not seducing women to have sex with now, but I have done that.
This is what really bothers me.
Since I was in sex addiction recovery, I heard that some churches were starting their own recovery groups. Like "Every Man's Battle" and "Celebrate Recovery" and I wanted to ask if our church would have something like that too. The pastor only said "Well, see what the Lord says" and nothing became of it.
I also asked a brother there. What do you think about having a men's accountability group? He said "No, because I have already done that and we are just going to throw the Bible at each other and tell preach to others, beside, I already lusted today". I was really bummed out. Now, I was being open about my struggles and wanting accountability and no one really wanted to be open and transparent with me. I said. This is terrible and I felt seriously hurt by this kind of "fake fellowship" where we all smile on Sunday but we can't even talk about our struggles to one other. To some of the brother's credit, there were a few who shared their struggles with me, but it was not frequent, and it was only when I brought it up.
It seems the secular recovery groups do something right but I know they are not truly right. Having meeting and accountability is right but if Jesus Christ is the only true Higher Power, then we are just making a false god, so I left the 12 step meetings of Sexaholics Anonymous, Sex Addict Anonymous, and Alcoholics Anonymous. I had to find a place where their would be a Christ-Centered recovery group.
I also knew my weakness was with women and I could not really help another women who was also recovery from sex addiction because that would be like a trigger (temptation) for me.
I did find one website but it was shut down. It was the forum for "every man's battle". Hardly anyone posted on there too. Later, I found a ministry called "Blazing Grace". They had a forum on it and I registered for it because it was the closest think I could find for recoverying from sex addiction and for Christians. I am glad I found that forum because now I am helping out there in a ministry type of fashion. There are guys and women who share their struggles. There is also a place for wifes to support each other and they share their hurts and struggles and it was a real eye opener for us men, who were addicts and we also shared our perspective with the wives, who thought "it was my fault" which was a lie, and we are here to confirm that the husbands sex addiction is not the wife's fault at all.
A man who is still in his addiction will say "it's your fault", "you are not there for me", "if you were more affectionate". No no no. That is not even true. The husband who said that is still in his addiction, and doesn't want to be free from it, because he is a slave to it and is only trying to justify it. This is true.
Men, we need to talk about this kind of stuff. We need to repent and love our wifes, not holding grudges against her. Losing our wife is terrible enough, but losing your soul and going to hell is really what is at stake here, despite our professions of faith. Even if you and I say "I'm a Christian" but if we are still watching porn, masturbating, committing adultery, God is not going to play games and we will answer for what we did. Romans 1 says "God gave them over to a depraved mind" What happens when God gives us over? Look at the prisons who are filled with child pornographers, serial killers, and the rest" Guess where they are going? If they do not repent, they will be burning in the flames of hell forever. Luke 16 says so.
There are some stumbling blocks the brothers have against sisters in Christ. Here they are.
1. wearing revealing clothes
Well, I can't think of anything else, but when I read "Every Man's Battle" one man mentions this. Women know please men are easy to look at you, and yes, even though it's the men's fault for sexually being attracted to you and lusting, please make this burden easier by wearing modest clothes. Showing your body will not help him and will just enflame lust. No, this is not a rebuke to you, because honestly, you could be wearing a full eskimo suit and mask and just that would be enought to make some men in heat. I'm not lying and yes, the man is still who must die to self and learn self-control. Some men are also not Christians (Matthew 7:21-23).
For the men, I wish they would talk to other men, be open about their stuggles, ask for prayers, repent, cry, forsake sins, cut off all adulterous relationship, and be truly remorseful to God for sinning.
Sexual sins are idolatry and adultery. It's not merely "arousal" which is lust. It's more than that. It's binding your spirit to a spirit of a prostitute. And this tie but be broken by the Power of God, in the Name of Jesus, not broken by some recovery things we might try.
When Jesus teaching us about being 'born-again' like in John 3, I really truly think we need to be born again, despite we think we are already. If we dont' live like it, how can we think it. If we really trust in Jesus, that Jesus died for our sins, If we see the Son of God being crushed, for us, loving us, ....and we hope in Jesus, and we love the Lord Jesus....then...how is it, I fall back into sexual sins. (constant porn, masturbation, adultery).
Could it be that I was never even saved? Maybe.
What if I was saved? Then we know what we have to do. Repent (confess, forsake sins (proverbs 28:13)) and believe (trust in Jesus Christ) that He is willing to save me, despite how I feel, that God is powerful to save me, and go to God for receiving the unconditional love and help we need. Our wife can't fill that void, not matter how much sex. Our wife can't be our idols. Our wife is only our suitable partner. Imperfect like us.