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Post by Deleted on Mar 22, 2021 23:08:21 GMT -7
Part of my recovery involves teaching the bible to our children in home devotionals and home bible studies. It was recommended I do this by a Pastor who did a marriage counseling with my wife and I. He told me that I need to spend time with my children, step up, be a man, and do these things.
It has been challenging and makes me "more responsible" in the fact that I am not just going church on Sunday and coming home to be another person Monday through Saturday. Also, my wife has been there with me to help explain from her own understanding and view. This has been very helpful. Every Sunday we get a chance to do this because of covid, so it's one of the few good things that came from being on lockdown too. We listen to online messages and have home bible studies, call our family and friends on phone and video chat. This is part of our marriage, family and I also consider it part of my recovery because it's all connected.
I still need a lot of help, I'm very proud, angry, fearful, lustful, so I'm still those things but I try not to do those things. My wife corrects me, God corrects me, other brothers correct me, and it's good to be corrected, or else I will get into a mindset that "I know it all" and that is not true.
I have to say, reading and teaching the Bible to our children is not bad. Sometimes, I am boring or I don't know and they start falling sleep. I try to keep them interested. I just read it to them and try to ask them, what do they think? Then I speak from what I believe God is telling me in that portion of scripture. I do not have all the answers, I'm not a seminary student or pastor, just a regular dude trying to feed the little sheep God has given to him. It my duty and I am taking it seriously. I have heard it said that we are supposed to be a priest in our homes, meaning that we husbands have to step up and be a spiritual leader, so how bad I need to repent and stop lusting....so serious now.
Mon-Saturday? > I try to live out what we went over. I mean, when we get into home fights or whatever, when the kids are wrong, I ask them "didn't we learn about forgiveness?" and when I mess up, they say "hey dad, the bible says don't do that (get angry, raise my voice, etc) and .." they get me. My wife also gets me too. I need to be "get", I mean corrected. Often times, I feel like a stubborn mule who will never change his ways. I mean I feel I do something ok, but I do a lot of things wrong too. I really need God's mercy.
On another confession, I often through my whole life have looked at "older brothers" as wiser, smarter, better, more holy, and when they talk about good things, godly things, I could remember always one brother telling me, "Praise the Lord", and I would say this and he would also respond "Praise the Lord" and I would think "wow, he says praise the Lord to everything and I must be missing something...and the devil would attack me and guess, what, I would get jealous.
I have to say, that is a trick of Satan, for a Christian brother to be jealous of another Christian brother. It's not ok for me to be that way. I confess that..so when I see a brother doing anything good like sharing the Word, encouraging, that is really Christ in them, working....not something kind of personal holiness and I don't need to be jealous. This is what I"m telling myself now.
Dear God, please help me today and tomorrow and please help my wife and children. Please help your church spread out throughout the world. Please help me not to be jealous of another brothers good success and good things. In Jesus' name. Amen.
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Post by Will on Mar 23, 2021 1:54:28 GMT -7
A good confession brother, bless you. I think its fantastic that you are doing Bible study with your wife and children. May the Lord God Our Father in Heaven richly bless you and them through that process!
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,754 
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Mar 23, 2021 6:12:09 GMT -7
We do an evening devotion as a family every night. If it weren't for my wife's nagging, it would never get done.
I'm guilty of being that lazy dad. And when I get home, sometimes I feel so tired that I'm not really into it.
I definitely fall short when it comes to being the spiritual leader in the family.
God does have a way of taking that which is imperfect and broken to shine through others. I feel that is the way with me.
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Post by Will on Mar 23, 2021 6:56:44 GMT -7
Brother, if you're doing an evening devotion with your wife and family, that's a pretty good start!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 23, 2021 17:25:21 GMT -7
Brother, if you're doing an evening devotion with your wife and family, that's a pretty good start! that is great. I agree. good job brother. |
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Dec 31, 2021 8:44:05 GMT -7
My oldest son needs surgery on his leg, but is not in a lot of pain right now. Our 2nd oldest son is playing soccer. Our 3rd is play video games with her cousin here. My wife is helping her mother since her mother is very old and in a lot of back pain. We live with my mother in law in Japan. Everyone speaks Japanese and I'm the only English speaking one. My wife's English is better and better. I don't speak great Japanese but around 1st grade level. This is our current family situation. I work in the IT field. We want to go back to church but don't know which one is the one we can attend. We have a lot of differences of opinions and need help. We watch church online still and sometimes have home bible studies. It's good because my mother in law is able to listen to the message sometimes. She used to never hear the gospel. She has heard and hopefully she will believe in Jesus one day. Well, that is our family update.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Dec 31, 2021 8:53:20 GMT -7
As far as our marriage goes, my wife is healing, I can see it in her face and words and actions. She says that she doesn't want to know about my sexual sins because it will drive her crazy and into a mental institution. This doesn't mean I am acting out. I have not acted out to porn and masturbation since I can't remember, maybe August 2021. But in September was a sexual fantasy and relapse. In December 20, I considered myself to have an online affair because I was talking privately with a women. This is a very shameful thing. I intended to minister to a hurting person but it was growing too close and I was receiving emotional support from her. I considered this to be evil in God's eyes and in my wifes eyes. I did not act out sexual with this person. There was not cybersex or anything, but just too close and too much talking that I think is inappropriate. My wife knew I was feeling sick and depressed because I had cut this relationship and found out that way. She was really sad that I again fell into a situation where I put her to lose all trust in me again. Still from that time and now, she is looking better, and healthy and still with me. I am very grateful to be alive and not divorce. When will I get many years of sobriety? When? I don't know but I want to stop sinning. Right now, I'm using the PC in front of the family in the living room where everyone can see. I have posted a lot more recently on Blazing Grace Forums because I want to be active again and seriously back into recovery. I have a bad habit to getting hot and growing cold in my relationship with the Lord. It's really sad. But this is the case for me right now. I am not lying and tell you the truth. Trying to be accountable. I hope I never get into some private talk with a women ever again. I'm only 39 but I don't want to life life in sexual sins. This is enough already. I want to get out of this slavery to myself and flesh. I hate that I seem to be attractive to all women. I hate it that I am so easily tempted to talk to women. I hate it. I hate myself, not to kill myself, but to die to myself now. Lord, please help me, I don't want to hurt my wife anymore and hurt You Lord. Please help me. Well, that was my marriage share today.  |
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,754
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jan 4, 2022 7:16:57 GMT -7
Ɖσмιиιc, Thanks for sharing. I'm glad your wife is healing. I can tell that she loves you very much. That's good. You want that. Sometimes the weight of carrying our porn baggage is a bit too much for our wives to bear. My wife can surely contest. She just simply has too much going on in herself to be an adequate accountability partner, support person, sober police, or mother hen. She wants to look up to me as her leader. If I'm struggling, sometimes she can be there. But with porn, it's time I put my big boy pants on, do the necessary work, and seek the help that I need. She's not responsible for my porn recovery. She can't be. My addiction has nothing to do with her. It has everything to do with myself.
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Post by Ɖσмιиιc on Jan 11, 2022 4:35:16 GMT -7
Good word brother, thank you for the encouragement. I'm sorry I missed this one. I don't know why I just now saw it. Sorry.
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