All porn addiction is about cowardice. Discuss

For me, my fear of confrontation came from a desperate need to get validation from others, especially women. If I disagreed with women, I was afraid to confront because I would have a less chance of them liking me.

Cowardice doesn't describe that as well as toxic shame; this idea that I'm a horrible person, a mistake, a piece of garbage. And describing myself as cowardly would only reinforce the shame that continues to undermine and sabotage my recovery.

But I'm only speaking of my experience. I cannot speak for anyone else. So I cannot say your wrong. What benefits one person won't work for another. God works in mysterious ways like that. We're not all in the same path.

I know a lot of recovering alcoholics as well as recovering sex and porn addicts. It's hard for me to distinguish any hardline differences. But the similarities are quite numerous and apparent.

Umm....my experience is the opposite with alcoholics. Dad drank to relieve his mental illness. He was never mean or dominant although he did sexually abuse me while drunk.  My brother and grandfather were mean drunks. They got violent when they drank. My uncles were warrior type men. They were in the wars. One was a fighter pilot the other 2 foot soldiers. They were jovial and good natured even when not drunk and their wives weren't dominant...neither was their mother (grandpa beat her).

My porn addiction came from my sexual abuse and wanting to be loved.

Hi Will, it's great that you are helping others addicts. It's like the say "it takes one to know one" so you and them share a common understanding. You know what it means to be hooked into some behavior that is harmful, but it temporary gives a body pleasure. I think I understand what your saying about being fearful toward a women, then in some private time, trying to get love from the women in the act of porn and masturbation. I totally understand that one. For me, I was shy, when I was in 3rd grade and liked my first girl, I never told her until a long time later. I was shy because I was exposed to porn at a younger age and already thought of her in that way. 3rd grade is age 8 or 9 right? So it was around age 5 and I was already masterbating and hooked on all pretty girls, even not to pretty ones. Heck even ugly ones. Honestly. 

When I did start drinking in high school, I was also addicted to porn too. I was more addicted to porn than alcohol because at the high school age, getting alcohol was difficult but I still got it every time I wanted, which was sad because I used to beg adults to buy it for me and most would. Anyway, I was also into doing drugs in high school, so I was a mess. 

In the military, I started to smoke and drink, and yes porn was there too. I was addicted to both. 

Right now, I look back and looking at all I have learned from the Bible, hearing others, and still learning. I understand my addiction like this. 

1. I turned sex into a God (Romans 1 is my basis for thinking this)

2. I was seeking love (honestly, when I say this, I mean, that I always wanted not one, but all and many women to sexually want me, so this (for me) is more like, I wanted to be served and worshipped like a sex god. Like the men in the porn are apparently worshipped and the women are worshipped. I go back to Romans 1 again. Turning sex into an idol. 

3. I was escaping reality - When I go to porn, it's not only because I'm angry at my wife for not having sex with me, it's not only i am horny and need orgasm, and it's not only boredom that led to watching hours of movies, then to inevitable acting out with porn and mastubation, but I am deep down, trying to get away from reality. The reality of I have to work, take care of my family, do chores, work on my issues)


I am trying to search deep down why I do what I do. I know it's a like a Romans 7 thing where "I don't know why I do what I do" but I am still trying to learn and challenge myself. I don't mean to say "Hey, I've finally got it, not I really really know and every else is wrong.." No, I'm saying this only from my perspective and I don't know someone else's perspective. 

The main reason I am a recoverying sex addict, is because I have a weakness to lust, that I do not allow God to help me with. When I was a child, I didn't know my sexual exploration was all that bad, but my conscience told me that something was wrong because I was doing it in secret and it was not like opening fighting with siblings, but always secret, behind closed doors, with others, and we make secret agreements. This is how I knew it was wrong. I believe that the Holy Spirit was teaching me even at a young age of my actions were bad. 

Fast forward to now....everytime I see or hear a women, I am instantly turned on and attracted and getting aroused, and this is what I intend to stop, this flesh. When I acknowledge that, and God helps me and gives me willingness and I want to "not" lust, then I try to do things to stop it. In today's case, I'm turning away from watching women's golf because I don't want to see them in tiny golf skirts. Jesus prayed "Forgive them for they know not what they do" and I really understand to mean that "they" (pretty women) do not know what they are doing. If they really knew, they might care enough and not do whatever it is the is making others tempted. I'm not blaming the women on her clothes only, because I know it's also her face, so she can't help it, it has to be "me" that has to learn self-control and reprogram my brain. I know I have to but the willingness I don't always have. Sometimes, I want to look and I have to stop it quick and keep short accounts to God, or else, the look because longer, then a seed is planted, and the next step is a bigger comprimise, until, I'm backslidding into adultery (lust/porn/masturbation/all hings of sexual immorality).