New member

started watching ... at a young age. I was about nine and it start as an explicit video that I saw on YouTube in the suggestion area. It was two woman dancing in a club and you can see the one woman’s private areas. I knew it was bad but was aroused by it and did not know why. I watched that for a few times before it no longer satisfied me and I needed more. I began searching for more videos like this on YouTube. Then my search went to google where I inevitably found porn. I was always around family and did not have my own device so access to these images and videos was not easy. However, I would often find time alone to watch porn after awhile my need for more explicit, degrading and horrible videos became greater. Once I got my own device I was able to do it more often. There were times were I could go days, weeks, months without it and feel fine but it would always come back. I always knew what I was doing was wrong and feel yucky after EVERY SINGLE TIME. But I couldn’t steer myself away from it. It had already altered my brain, The damage was done. Although my addiction to porn started very early. I was never really one to MB until I got in college. I had ample alone time and was under lots of stress. Instead of praying and turning away from my sins, I would watch heavily and when that stopped being enough. I began to MB. It was the first time I had a real porn and I was obsessed with the feeling. My need begin to grow. I needed to watch more intense things and find new ways to MB. Even now that I am sexually active. I still have a high urge to watch porn and MB. I have been clean from watching for almost two weeks but I still struggle with temptation and have been MB more heavily. I feel stuck but also feel as if I’m making progress. I never knew PA was a women issue as well.