Something I wish the church would do....

Now I have been a member of Sexaholics Anonymous and was harassed for sharing that my HP (Higher Power) was Jesus Christ and that He alone can really help you, not a god like a rock, the universe, or 1,000 other pagan idols.

I was harassed by other "Christian" men in SA who said "Dominic, you can't go around talking like that like your some kind of 'John the Baptists' yelling at people to get saved or they will go to hell". Basically telling me to "stop evangelizing"

They said "Dominic, the answer is not found in the church because I never got any help from the church and there is nothing 'like this' found in the church. <<< Now that claim really shocked me. Really? I questioned myself "Has Jesus not said, "On this rock I will build my church and the gates of hell would not prevail against it" and "go into all the world, preach the gospel and make disciples, baptizing them in the name of the Father, Son and Holy Spirit"

There is more....

Another "Christian" man in the SA circle said "Dominic, you need to get rid of that S-n of a B- you call god and get yourself a new one" <<<<<< can you believe that? So all this time, I was fooled and sure they (sa secular groups) will say that I'm speaking out of context....but I'm not. I have heard the shares in meetings and it's the same thing over and over. This is all I heard really.

I went to meetings in person, on the phone, on email and it went something like this.

Hi my name is Dominic and I'm a grateful recovering sexaholic, I've been sexually sober for x number of days, I'm working step 1 or, I have found that....something inspirational with no Bible, no Jesus Christ, nothing about the Word of God, just some basic truths about our  human nature, our sick mind, how coming to SA has changed my life, and thanks for letting me share.

I'm not upset at SA. I asked one of the Christians who were there...some led me to Bible stories about the Prodigal and I thought finally a story I can relate to, this is right, this is true, go on my brother. I was really happy to meet a brother like this. But in public, he would not mention this kind of truth, but back to the same type of stuff. If you want to see for yourself free free to search for the SA White Book (Sexaholics Anonymous White Book) and read it for yourself. I bought the ebook version and searched for 'god' in their text books and it doesn't tell you the truth about God.

I read it many times, I bought the audio book many times, I listened to it in the car and I "used" to think, Wow, such powerful truth and I'm so happy I have found this. I used to think thoughts like "I wish my church would be truthful to me and open up to me about their own struggles with sexual immorality, porn and masturbation. I so wished for a group of Christian guys to talk to about this, and yes, Christian guys who knew that Jesus Christ was the only Higher Power the only God, and that He was only power to save and change us and make us his disciples.

Guess what I have found?

There are those Christian guys....in here, in SA, in churches. I'm one of them. I not fully against SA but in a way, I am, ....why? why be against a secular group that apparently can make a guy "sober" and such? Here is why.

1. They do not submit to the authority of the Word of God

2. They do not admit to Jesus Christ being the Only Way, Truth and Life

3. They persecute you for preaching Jesus and even say "you are a Christian yet you are not sober, listen to him, even he is not a Christian, he has more sobriety than you"

Now on that point 3.....how is a secular program to teach and make someone "sober" (which just means they didn't have sex with self aka masturbation and watch porn, or anything like that).

There definition of sexual sobriety is "no sex with self" but "only with your spouse, one man and one women", < sounds good right? Yes, isn't that what we are all after? no p and no m? Yes, but that is not all we are after is it? No, according to Jesus Christ.

Jesus Christ wants all of you and me. No lusting after a women, no lusting in the heart,

plus.....

to become a disciple of Jesus Christ (lacking in SA recovery) SA recovery deals with other "character defects" but can't identify them truly in their nature, and how to deal with it biblically.

and

share the gospel to others around you (lacking in SA recovery). SA will not care if you share the good news of Jesus Christ dying on the cross for our sins, buried and resurrected, and will return and will save anyone who calls on Him. SA is filled with Buddhists, Muslims, Atheists, Agnostics, and you name it. So that is what they cater to, to simply please man and self

So we can just settle for 'no porn and no masturbation' and think we are doing it, but that is not God's standard. It's so much better, and higher.

Why?

God will draw you until Him (SA can't do that)

God the Father will draw you to Jesus Christ (SA can do that either)

God will save you from your sins (SA can't do that)

God died for your sins, because Jesus Christ is God (SA has no mention of salvation from sins and forgiven in God's eyes)

God will teach you, comfort you, give you filling with the Holy Spirit (read the Bible and see for yourself, also SA can't do anything of that)

God teaches us to "confess your sins to one another and pray for one another" (SA has accountability but no in the form of sin but "acting out" so it's definition and nature are not the same)

God teaches us to "encourage our brother and sister if they are caught in some sin" (SA has meetings and do offer some form of encouragement but it's not reconciling to Jesus Christ and doesn't follow the Biblical standards of asking Jesus Christ for forgiveness of sins, but focus on "steps" of relationships with others so it's only horizontal and not vertical (God to man, the true God, I mean, not a made up "god of our own understanding which allows for idolatry, a sin which is damnable).

Back to the claims of SA members..

claim 1 "I couldn't find in the church, what I found in SA"

my answer: Pastors who preach the Bible should preach the Word of God which already says what we are supposed to do. I can't speak for all pastor and all messages because that is crazy but when we read in the Bible to 'confess your sins to one another and pray for each other'...I think we got what we are supposed to do. I would look something like this. "hey brother, I really need to talk to you, but I'm afraid of gossip or i dont' know but I am struggling with lust, and I'm needing help. I feel lost, trapped in my sins, like the devil has me in chains, last weekend I watched porn and masturbated a lot, I'm even tempted to visit prostitutes" and that brother, knowing the scriptures, would, in a state of humility, be gentle and lead you back to Jesus Christ, as the scriptures say "you who are more spiritual ..."

'Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted. '

Galatians 6:1
my.bible.com/bible/111/GAL.6.1

I know that is true because I have, in person, done that and the brother I trusted, prays for me. Some of the brothers tell me that they see a pretty sister and are tempted to think wrongly and they now have a chance to share with me, and now we see that we are the same, honest, and transparent.

I have had brothers do this for me....

...so what am I really saying.

I wish all churches had like a men's purity/discipleship/purity/accountability/whatever group, or just one or two brothers who would be honest and share if they have sins and confess them. Now, online I feel empowered to talk. But in person, I'm a scared brother, that is one of my other problems, I'm afraid someone will gossip about me, he will tell his wife, she will tell my wife, and now...you see...I confess my "lack of trust"

that is my problem....so I wish I or we didn't have a lack of trust....maybe that is what the other secular SA members mean when whey accuse the church for "they didn't have what I needed". I choose to be more transparent with you all. I know my time here on earth is short and I really don't care anymore. I know there are some people scared and feel too ashamed to talk about this sex addiction thing. It's shameful I admit but it's so real and part of our flesh and the Bible says that we need to 'renew our minds'.

Here is another thought: Not all brothers are "exactly" like me. Just because I have sinned in this way, doesn't mean they all have or 50% have. I don't know. I know there are stats but can I honestly put a stat over my church pastor and leaders and other brothers say think brother 1, brother 2 are like me, brother 3 and brother 4 are not like me. It's hard for me to think this. It might be true, but I can't judge. I will not know unless I honestly talk with them and if they tell me, then I can think it. Anyway, I just wanted to say that.

You know Romans 12:1,2?

I like that verse, because it tells me what I need. I renewed mind.

I also like Psalms 51 because that tells me that I need a new spirit and Jesus referred to it as "born again". I need that. I need that and also I can't do it, so I just cry out to God and give up (surrender) to Jesus Christ and ask him humbly, and trust that God is good and will do it.

'And without faith it is impossible to please God, because anyone who comes to him must believe that he exists and that he rewards those who earnestly seek him. '

Hebrews 11:6
my.bible.com/bible/111/HEB.11.6

Just like Abraham believed God and it was accounted to him as righteousness, just like the thief prayed on the cross, "Remember me when you come into your kingdom"..Just like Peter cried out Lord save me and Immediately Jesus reached out His Hand to save Peter from drowning in the waters....

God does hear our prayers, despite what we "feel" or "think" God does hear it, that is part of who God is, God hears. God heard Haggar when Sarah kicked her out. God sees our pain.

God heard the cries of the children of Israel for a deliver and God delivered.

Well, how come I keep falling into sexual sins? The Bible says "Examine yourself" ...this is where I have to pray to God sincerely and say "God, I don't know why I keep falling into this sexual sins, I keep committing adultery in my eyes, mind and heart, and I don't understand this, but I need Your help, I want to change, I want a desire to stop it, but I feel overpowered and powerless and I'm lost and confused, I'm trapped, I'm constantly thinking of sex and this and that, I'm a pervert at heart, Lord, I have made this sex thing into an idol and I don't want to put this idol on my life anymore, I want you Jesus, what can I do, please help me God, I read the Bible, I'm trying here, what do you want me to do Lord"

God will answer you.

He promised to. What does that look like? When God answers you?  You will be led to draw near to God, You will stop trusting in your own power and self-righteousness (give up that), You will feel a need to love again, You will feel a desire to call a brother or family, you will run away like Joseph, or you will be patient in your suffering, and trust in God to work. God is able to change our will, God is able to change our mind, now that is said.

What else does the Bible say? Fight the Spiritual Warfare.

Satan knows our weakness just as you do, or even better because he has demons tracking, tempting, and putting things in our path. Satan has been making men and women fall down into sin since the garden of Eden. Who do you think he is?

Satan, no doubt, is lying to us about God, about sin, about pleasure, about sin, about consequences, about all kinds of things.

Satan also uses the very Word of God (Matthew 4) to make you submit to him. What?  yes. Like this,

"watch her, (lusted), masturbate, and god will forgive you because it is 'written' 'confess your sins and he'll forgive right"

so Satan brings all of these kinds of justifications for sins.

1. your wife is mean to you

2. your not really doing so bad

3. you can also confess and quit later

4. you have no price to pay

5. you will not die

The Bible say, "when we sin, we die" it happens to Adam and Eve. God was not a liar, God said in the day you eat of it, you shall surely die and they "knew" they were naked. The Bible says that the wages of sin is death....

When we sin, we will die. that is a plain simple truth.

David sinned with Bathsheeba, the baby died. There is one example.

All the Holy Bible is interesting and great, but my problem is, I find it boring enough to ignore so I go wander off and sin, that is my own experience and is why I lost/lusted/sinned recently (last month). I thought I was doing well (had 4 1/2 years of no masturbation), but I watch lots of YouTube that had gore, sexual content and it made me crazy enough to reject it all and go after my own filth. Now I see it as filth but then it was like a 'candy'.

I should have turned off that YouTube, should have repented and cried and mourned and waited and got away from all the self-time with internet and did something else productive like be with my family, or call a brother, or something else uplifting or something that would draw me to Christ, but I failed, I said "I'm ok, I'm ok, this is not so bad, and I can stop" but actually, I didn't stop, I kept drawing into a haze or so filled with a desire to see death and gore that sex came into it then bam, I was not even looking for sex, but it came to me, and when I was not strong, my desire for wanting to see bloody gore (another lust of the flesh) and not being filled with the Holy Spirit, I was serving an idol and I fell hard. I felt sick to my stomach cried out, then acted out again, felt even more sick, upset stomach, but acted out again in one night.

Now, an SA member could look at my story and say "well, you didn't work the steps, you didn't go to a meeting, you didn't make a call" and they mean well to say that, but truthfully, I fell because I wanted to please my flesh and I wanted my flesh more that God, and I got what I wanted....so the issue is....

How did my 'want' for sex become so much that I feel into sin......

wandering away from Jesus, in the form of too much time playing games, and watching YouTube out of a desire to watch blood gore, serial killer documentary, cults, seeking to feed my flesh desire for that.......not reading and actively seeking God, but kind of lightly hearted skimming the Bible and not taking it more seriously, like a check in the box...

If the Holy Bible is the absolute truth, then I have to say, I reject all other forms of "truth" unless it give glory to God through Jesus Christ. How do I reconcile this?

If I went to a Christian meeting, if I did steps towards getting closer to the Lord Jesus Christ,(just one step) if I called a brother, then yes, I would agree, but if that is not the essence, then all the secular steps, meetings, and phone calls, will only delay the eventual fall or worse yet, it would give me this 'self-righteous' feeling like "I'm sober and better off than those Christians who don't work these 12 steps, I'm so sober and go ready to help sponsor" and do you see what that is really? It's called Pharisee-ism aka self-righteous which is something that scriptures speaks against.

You might say "hey dominic, you sound kind of mean, i mean you acted out recently and are talking bad about these other guys who have way longer sobriety than you, it sounds like you are wrong, jealous and they are right".....ouch, some of what you said makes sense, a person might have many years of no porn and masturbation than me, who doesn't follow a 12 step, but just his understanding of Bible and tries to live by it alone, and I could be tempted to be jealous but I'm not.

If an SA person has 14 years of no porn and masturbation and a Christian has 1 year or 1 month, which is better off? That is not for any of us to judge. It might be that we can learn something from each other, but we have to say this, God gives us all good things, not we ourselves, so one is able to give you years or months or days of lust-free living, because that kind of purity is from God, and actually, Jesus Christ was the only pure man since He is God, and we are just able to go to God for help.

Some might be tempted to leave the church and seek a 12 step program for the goal of 'no porn, no prostitute, and no masturbation' but I'm saying that it's possible with Christ and it's possible to live out this life to be a disciple, and share the teachings of Jesus and in this process, God is setting us apart for His service and as we submit to God, resist the devil, the devil will flee from us, the Bible says. That, to me, and I hope for you, is way more powerful than anything this world can offer, because God offers to us Himself, and it's my fault if I "choose" sin over God, it was not Jesus' fault and it was not the preachers' fault, it was not the churches fault, so no SA person can say "they can't find sobriety in the church" because Jesus said "the gates of hell would not prevail against the church" and if the gates of hell can't prevail against the church, then with Jesus Christ, and His church, our sexual sobriety is very real and very possible and we don't need to judge our days, our months, or our years, but God will give us all things we need.

Please let me be clear on this point, I'm not saying "do not strive for many days, months, years of sexual sobriety" no, I want that and God wants that for us too, but it's not defined in that way, it's defined as being a child of God, and those are the blessing that come with it. Meetings, calling brothers, accountability are all fine in Jesus Christ because that is part of his church, and when we take these elements (meetings, calls,) and remove Jesus Christ, then now we have a 'religion' and a religion without Christ is a false one. That is what I"m really trying to say.

This is why I choose to read and study the Holy Bible, meet, call, email, chat with other brothers because we can pray for each other, confess our sins to God and be in a spiritual warfare and God will bless us because God is in this with us, and it's not some religion or "program" that we made, but God's church, God's power and God's will. You know what I'm saying?

I know there is a Christian ministry like this one called celebrate recovery, another one called every man's battle, and xxxchurch, and any church ministry of the sorts. It just matters if we agree to follow God, read the Bible, and follow it, that is the "program" for me. Obedience to God and I need Jesus' help and after I am helped, I want to help others by telling them about their Savior, what He has done, teaching them the teachings of Jesus Christ, which includes our sanctification (separation from sin and set apart for God). Glory to God.

I wish I could meet some of you guys, if you ever want to meet, please email, chat or call me.  I want to fellowship with you. We don't have to be isolated in our jail cells anymore, we can share honestly. We are not more righteous than anyone just sinners the same who all need Jesus.