Looking for Love in all the wrong places

Hope,

Welcome to the forums. You want to break free from this man? Read your bible, come clean to your husband. Study on love and start loving your husband as Christ loves the church. Just walking out that kind of love will break you from this sin. You have to get serious and work at it but true fredom will come. Also pray for our Father to give you His love for your husband...earnestly seek it. God will give it to you.

Thanks for your kind words Saved by grace and not judging me or overwhelming me with advice after my first post.  I really appreciate your prayers as this is a hard road and has taken a lot of work to get this far.  Praying for you as well ❤️

I was in a similar situation but I'm a guy and the roles were opposite. We were two lonely people who meet online (never physical). But let's get to the chase, here is what I did. I told my wife. This killed her. I saw her crying on the floor and I was heartless to it. This about about 6 years ago but I remember it like it was yesterday. I don't know how it happened, but I remember watching my wife wash the dishes and I felt my heart grow to love my wife again. I wanted to restore our broken marriage and knew that life with this other person was not good because it meant leaving our marriage and our three children. I told my wife that I wanted to be with her and not this other person. I can't explain the pain I caused my wife because my wife was calling my mom, our pastors, to try to knock some sense into me. ....yet my wife was still staying me? I am a dog and whore but someone still wanted me even I did this pain to her? I was broken now. Broken enough to realize that this dumb fling I was having was ruining my life, my marriage and our children's life.

I told my wife that I was never contact this person ever and I didn't. I deleted my email address. I changed all my phone numbers. I got offline completely. I closed all my social network sites (Facebook and Google+, Google Hangouts) and started again. It was like a drug quitting his drugs. I kept having thoughts of "Oh, I hope she (the women I was having this emotional affair with) is well and not sad" and "oh, I just wanted to let her know that I'm fine and not crying"...< these super strong powerful drug-like temptations were my daily life for a few months, but daily I resisted through prayer and crying to God and trying to heal our marriage.

Here is what I want to tell you. Please take this seriously.

1. Stop contacting this person immediately. Delete the phone number from your address books.
2. Delete your email address. I had to completely re-organize all my emails many times. You must, you must do this.
3. Close your Facebook, Instagram, discord and all other social media
4. If you have to, cancel your internet.
5. If you have to, change your phone number.
6. Confess this to your pastor, after first confessing it to God. Read Psalms 51 and make it your own prayer.
7. Realize that you are breaking God's law and you are in danger of possible hell. See Matthew 5:27-30.
8. Jesus said in Matthew 19, What God has put together let no man break asunder. Your marriage was put together by God. Do not break it.
9. Get serious with God and read His Word first in the morning for at least 15 minutes to 1 hour.
10. Know Jesus for real by prayer and talking to him.

Do not contact any other man (even reply to me on this post). I know how talking to other people can trigger and cause euphoric recall feelings.
Do not try to talk to other guys except "Good Morning" and no flirting type of talking. If someone says "Hey nice shoes"...ignore them. Don't give the dude any oil for the lust fire (a comment like "oh thank you" because some guys will use that as an open door to get more personal).

11. Recommend reading Every Women's Battle and get a copy and read it every day. You will find other stories and How God restored them back into sanity.

Dear Lord, please help this women to break free Lord, because of your lovingkindness not because of anything in us or we do. For your glory Jesus. In Jesus' name. Amen.

PS. Talk to other women like Amy or other women on this site. Guys are triggers for you like women are triggers for me and other guys.

bye

Just because my post was truthful does not mean I am judging you. We are all here because of our sins. Please excuse me for offering advice. Usually people come here because they want help which means advice and prayer. Since you don't want advice, what do you want?  I don't do unspoken wants and needs very well. I also don't do snide backhanded comments very well.  If you have a problem with my post, say it outright. But before you do so, better read the Terms of Service for this forums. 

it's hard to get our tone out but we are sincerely trying to help and not judge you. I remember I took "everything" anyone told me as offensive and called them hypocrites and liars and "they don't understand me"...We are just human and want to follow Jesus and get rid of our sins that easily beset us (the Bible say). I remember seeking a brother for help on email but he was sincerely genuine when he told me .."dominic, you are just not serious enough and you haven't hit your rock bottom yet and were not broken yet". I was so mad at him but it was true so you know why? Even though I was going to Sex Addicts anonymous meetings, appearing to look like I was recovering, I was hearing the bad stories others like me did and it gave me ideas to try it and I did and I actually got worse because I was doing recover the way the world does it and not in a Christ-Centered approach. I honestly could not find any help unless it was real Christians, I mean, Christians like me who suffered s-x addition like me, who have recovered and seeking real recovery.

For me real recovery is not stopping m-sterbating but stop lusting toward the strange women all together. My motives have to be clean, not trying to get euphoric recalls while asking women too many personal questions. I don't write with emoji or smiling faces but I am not upset at you.

Satan will tempt you to think this.

1. These other so-called "recovered" Christians are full of hypocrisy

Truth? Not if we are truly seeking recovering and there is nothing here that makes me thing we are fakes.

If taking the words of brothers and sisters is offensive, believe me, I am easily offended and often think other are self-righteous ...which is one of many character flaws....then just read the Word of the Bible.

I mean, like this.

But his delight is in the law of the Lord; and in his law doth he meditate day and night.
3And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper. Psalms 1:2-3

So we are trying to help you prosper. When you read God's Word (and I am speaking to myself too not speaking down to you, not speaking at you), you are encountering God and His Power.

The sin of adultery can be beaten but we need to repent. You and all of us. Psalms 53 says "Create in me a clean heart" and make that your prayer and cry out to God for real and genuineness. Not trusting in your tears or prayer but taking your focus off self and only picturing the Lord Jesus dying on the cross for you.

Now the truth of affairs. Put yourself in your husband's shoes. What if he had s-x with a women 3 years ago. All secretly behind your back, then still was emotionally connected to her and was still having s-x with you. You are at risk for STD's. I says this because you are doing this to your husband from what you wrote. I am not judging you but want you to realize the pain you are causing. He trusts you. He is with you, but if you are emotionally connected to someone else, it's as if you are actually having s-x with that person which is the heart of Matthew 5:27-30.

Jesus said

' Ye have heard that it was said by them of old time, Thou shalt not commit adultery: But I say unto you, That whosoever looketh on a woman to lust after her hath committed adultery with her already in his heart. And if thy right eye offend thee, pluck it out, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. And if thy right hand offend thee, cut it off, and cast it from thee: for it is profitable for thee that one of thy members should perish, and not that thy whole body should be cast into hell. '

Matthew 5:27-30
my.bible.com/bible/1/MAT.5.27-30

this is the verse I keep close to me, not really what others say to me. This is my intent and may it also be yours.

Sometimes you might hear one Christian say to another "Hey brother or hey sister it will be ok, just keep going and keep ...." and there is not much of strong offensive content....but that doesn't mean that we are going to take God's grace as a license to sin.

Do you know what the Bible says about taking God's grace as a license to sin?

'For there are certain men crept in unawares, who were before of old ordained to this condemnation, ungodly men, turning the grace of our God into lasciviousness, and denying the only Lord God, and our Lord Jesus Christ. '

Jude 1:4
my.bible.com/bible/1/JUD.1.4

I used to have a mind-set of this. ...."Oh, I can keep on looking at p.rn, keep on talking/meeting/cheating with the women because is so good and He will forgive me when I ask" I was holding God to His Word on forgiveness but purposely using God's kindness as a reason to fall. Beware of that mindset. God is not mocked the Bible says and we will reap what we sow. We can't fool God and God knows exactly what is going on and our motives. I am talking to my self as I write this too. Not only you.