Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2018 17:34:58 GMT -7
My wife and I have been on a roller coaster battle with my sexual addiction that centers around lust for younger women for the last six years. I was out for breakfast with my daughter and granddaughter the other day and we had a young waitress. I was respectful to the waitress during our visit and in no way objectified her in any way. When I got home my wife asked me how things went. I told her that we had a young waitress because I wanted to be up front with her. She asked me if the girl was pretty and I said yes because I wanted to be honest once again. My wife became very upset with me because I described the girl as young and pretty therefore I took in more of her features than I should have. How can I view a younger woman that I have contact with like a waitress without making a judgement call? I totally understand where my wife is coming from especially as it relates to my lust triggers being younger women, I just want to be respectful to all involved, the women I come in contact with and especially my wife.
|
|
teetop
Member
541-646-4564
Posts: 173 
Occupation: RETIRED
Interests: EVERYTHING CHRISTIAN
Days of Integrity: 0
|
Post by teetop on Aug 26, 2018 17:54:12 GMT -7
OK, so just what is it you are asking? I take it you are a normal man who has normal struggles that seem hard to control. Join the human race. You are not alone, in fact, I have even a greater problem than that. After all, as a man, we tend to be drawn to the opposite sex normally, though that is not our problem. Our problem has always been to control how far we let our feelings go! Trust me when I say that is our battle. The lust, that is triggered can be very daunting, to say the least.
Virgil
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2018 7:10:47 GMT -7
You need to validate your wife's feelings and reassure her about your love for her and her beauty in your eyes. You do need to be open and honest with her and that means that you have to repair the damage that was done in your marriage by your porn addiction. This is part of it. I would highly recommend marriage counseling if you aren't currently going. Your wife also needs support from other Christian women that have experienced the effects of porn. We do have a wife's area here she can post in. We also have a prayer support group for wives. www.blazinggrace.org/wives-marriages/Mike has also written a great book for wives which can be found here www.blazinggrace.org/store/ |
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2018 19:40:30 GMT -7
Thank you for the suggestion of couple counseling, you are the second to do so today so I believe the Lord is directing through the voice of others. It is very hard for my wife to seek the counsel of other Christian women as most of them down play my issues as "not that bad" or put far too much blame on her so she has been burned enough not to trust the advice of those who think they are helping when they really don't have a clue.
|
|
|
|
Post by ladystrong on Aug 27, 2018 22:22:14 GMT -7
Yes, it is very difficult to find a trustworthy woman to talk with as well as a good therapist. We were blessed to have found a therapist through our pastor. I have not shared the details of my marriage with any of the women in my bible study group because I know many of them are hurting from their marriage difficulties, even if it’s not P, A or M related. It can feel very lonely at times, especially early in the recovery process. I will pray that she is able to talk with someone who is safe and trustworthy and that you would both find wise counsel in your area.
In the meantime, I would advise her to read through Mike Genung’s book, “The Wife’s Heart”. Listening to worship music, journaling out my feelings, reading through devotionals, and verbally crying out to God were all strategies I employ to help me to heal. I also watched many YouTube episodes by counselor Patrick Doyle. His messages were consistent and helped me to sort through my feelings as well as reinforce the truth that I am God’s child, His beloved daughter. I am of great value no matter what anyone says or thinks of me. That security and truth in God has held me through many difficult moments. I pray that she would know that truth deep in her heart.
|
|
Deleted
Deleted Member
Posts: 0
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 28, 2018 6:55:27 GMT -7
Arctic, I completely understand where your wife is coming from. Trusting others is never easy add to that being hurt by their wrong counsel...yes it is tough. Let her know that the ladies here and in our prayer support group are understanding and supportive. We would welcome her with open arms when she is ready to reach out.
Ladystrong has given some great advice for her to help her in healing. Mike's book is great and Patrick Doyle is really used by God in his field of counseling.
We are praying for you both.
|
|
