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May 25, 2006 11:44:56 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 25, 2006 11:44:56 GMT -7
Hi all. My name is Jon, I'm 38 years old and live in the UK.
I am so glad to have found this site as I have been suffering from porn addiction since my teens. At the moment I believe the Lord is working in my life because, praise Him, I haven't looked at porn for 3 weeks now. But I know I am weak and that temptation is always around the corner - I have given in so many times in the past I'm suprised God still has time for me!
I really pray that with Gods gracious help, and now the support from brothers and sisters on this forum, this awful life damaging and controlling sin of lust will become a thing of the past. I so want to live my life for Him, but because there is so much guilt and shame in my heart, I find it really difficult to pray or read the Word, and this just sets me further on the downward spiral. Will it ever end? Am I even still saved because of my actions and constant failure to stop? I feel like I'm dying inside.
I really value your prayers and support, I know God has led me here.
Jon
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May 28, 2006 8:06:39 GMT -7
Post by Steve on May 28, 2006 8:06:39 GMT -7
Friend, I just prayed for you! How are you doing? Do you have any follow-up comments? If you have any questions about the sexual addiction recovery process, please don't hesitate to ask. There really are a good bunch of caring and thoughtful people on these forums! -Steve
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May 29, 2006 8:49:31 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on May 29, 2006 8:49:31 GMT -7
Thanks Steve for your reply and your prayers.
So far I have stayed 'clean' as far as looking at porn is concerned. It's been over three weeks now and at the moment there is no 'urge' to look. I believe this is the power of God in my life. I have prayed and prayed over the years for God to break the chains that have been holding me to this sin but seemingly to no avail as I would continue to succumb. I think my failure must have been down to other attitudes and sins in my lifestyle as I'm sure God has had higher expectations of me in terms of being truly repentant and obedient. I've let Him down badly over the years, I've made many promises to Him that I never kept and I think He now wants to know that I will give 100% effort on my part. I realise that I can never overcome this by my own means- it can only be by Gods grace and mercy and by me giving everything in my life over to Him - but I do believe God wants me to show Him that I am serious and determined and willing to make every effort to meet Him half-way. This is something I've really tried to do this time round and I know He is honouring me because of it. However, I still have a serious problem with looking and lusting at women I see as I am out and about. I try to avert my eyes but just lately I have found myself having a closer look. It's getting especially hard now the warmer weather is here and women are more scantily clad. I know it's not a sin to be tempted but it is a sin to give in to that temptation - and thats what I seem to be doing right now. My big worry is that doing this will open up the path back to looking to porn for satisfaction. If that happens, I will be right back where I started and everything will have been in vain. I would really appreciate yours prayers on this matter as I need a real touch of Gods strength to resist this problem.
But I am happy to say that, overall, things are much better at the moment than they have been in a long time, and for that I give God the glory.
Thank you once again, guys, for being here for me!
Jon
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May 30, 2006 5:28:33 GMT -7
teetop likes this
Post by Deleted on May 30, 2006 5:28:33 GMT -7
Hi Jon,
1 John 1:9 assures us that if we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. Not only that, but, as the father of the prodigal son, he is always looking for us with arms open wide to embrace us. His gift of salvation is not withdrawn, no matter how many times we stumble and fall. We do not want to be careless with God's grace, as it breaks his heart so,, but He does not put a limit on the number of our confessions. Be sure to read all of the articles on this site, and seek out someone near you who has experience counselling persons with porn addictionThere are two kinds of guilt. The first is our conscience, given to us by our heavenly Father to remind us of His will. The second is of Satan, who loves to throw our forgiven sin back up in our faces. God never put a hierarchy of sin in Scripture. It is mankind that has labeled some worse than others, but it all grieves God. Yes, some sins have a more profound impact on us, or those around us, but we are just kidding ourselves if we think that we are better, or worse, than others. We are just as separated from God by one sin as a hundred, and just as forgiven by Christ's cleansing blood.
I pray that you will continue in your recovery, and that you will be fully healed.
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