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Post by Deleted on May 24, 2006 23:43:45 GMT -7
Hello all, I am new here and I just have to say PRAISE THE LORD! for a board like this.
I have struggled with sexual sin and addiction much of my life. For the past 3 years, I have acheived a level of victory after completing the Setting Captive's Free online course. I even went so far as to have a negative reaction to pornography and I really thought I was on my way-until about 2-3 months ago when my world really started falling apart and I started flirting around the edges of sin again.
It's really amazing-just being here has already changed my mindset and my focus to an extent. When I got up this morning, I was resigned to the fact that I was going to fall again. Praise the Lord that He sent me here instead of to where I was originally headed-I'm now resigned to nothing (falling is NOT inevitable) and I have a new determination to fight for my soul.
I have a hard time finding a support group IRL which is "real" (more often than not, the only support for this sin is in the secular world and I really want to get support from the Family on this one). I wonder why we have such a hard time acknowledging and working through this sin-so many of us suffer from it. Either way, I am happy to find this board and I hope to visit often.
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2006 5:54:05 GMT -7
Hi Blue,
Just wanted to welcome you to the forums. It's definitely good to have new members here who have achieved your level of victory (3 years!), it gives the rest of us hope that we can do it too.
A couple of things about your posts caught my attention. You are right, falling is not inevitable. In my experience, the problem lies in the many times when I already picture myself falling way before I actually fall. It's like tricking myself into seeing what I'm headed to and thinking that's the inevitable future, so why even bother fighting it. Lies, of course, all lies. Congratulations on fighting temptation and winning this battle today.
The other thing I read in another of your posts and I could relate to was the thought of the addiction not really being fueled by lust but just by the desire to escape. I agree completely. I believe different people under different circumstances become addicted to different 'substances', but the underlying drive is the same: escape. It's like a psycological defense mechanism, when you think you can't cope with a situation or would simply rather not face it in the real world, you take the back door out. It gets to the point that it's even the smallest, most trivial problems you are facing, but your brain is trained to think: 'there's an easy way out of this, if I don't want to face this right now, there's this thing I can do to get out'.
Sometimes I've even wished I was addicted to something more socially acceptable like smoking or even alcohol. I know it's incredibly stupid to say that, since the goal is to be FREE, but a part of me says at least those addictions are more evident and even socially acceptable. Even drug addictions have been glamorized by the media.
Again, welcome to the forum!
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Post by Steve on May 25, 2006 11:06:39 GMT -7
Welcome to the forum. Boy oh boy, I really appreciate your honesty and I'm glad you're okay. Have you considered talking to someone in your real life about whatever has been going on of late in your life, as related to your recent temptations? I just worry about you isolating from others as you fight this battle day to day.
Just my two cents regarding groups: There are clearly not enough groups out there for sexual addiction recovery, but I know of quite a few Christian and Christian-based groups out there. There are also quite a few telephone-based groups as well that are rooted in Christ's love and grace. Don't get too discouraged - there are groups out there! :cool:
-Steve
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Post by Deleted on May 25, 2006 22:19:19 GMT -7
Thanks xyyz and Steve! I really appreciate your responses.
xyyz, I couldn't agree more with you regarding the stigma attached to this addiction. It's like we are lepers who will infect others. The sad truth is that it's more often than not we who will stand up and acknowledge this sin that are ridiculed by those who participate in it actively themselves without acknowledgement. It's so frustrating dealing with the hipocracy of it all. Another big frustration is the "normalizing" of the sin in our society today-turn on any sitcom and you will find jokes galore about p and related topics. The adversary would like us to believe that viewing it is normal, etc. What a frustrating mess!
Steve, thank you for the warm welcome! IRL, I've tried a few different avenues-in one case, it was a church group on addictions (not my own church) and I went with a great expectancy-I was disappointed. I'm sure the folks meant well, but it was like the group had very few addicts at all, more of the folks were support people and I don't know if it was just my perspective or what but it seemed like for much of the meeting the people where justifying themselves (the non-addicts) and denigrating the addicts. One example-not to be unkind, but there were two people there, both of them were about the same size (a woman and a man, proportinately the same size) and the man was there asking for help on eating/food addictions and support for dealing with his parent's past addictions. The woman magnanimously announced that she was there to "help her husband with his addiction issues"-now there are medical issues, etc. that may cause someone to be overweight, but more often than not if someone has a healthy relationship with food, they are a healthy weight-and this woman was not-it just seemed so hypocritical. On the other hand, maybe it's my addiction that wants everyone to be an addict. One thing I do know-everyone's a sinner, and therefore no better than I, so I have a hard time with the "look you nose down" at the "pervert" attitude that many people affect when they learn about this sin. They may try to judge degrees of sin but God does not, therefore it's hard for me to feel they are being righteous when they judge me, which they often do when they know about my sin.
At my own church, though I'm sure that many people likely deal with this issue, if I were to begin organizing a group I would be such an outcast so quickly my head would spin. I know this from the things said, etc. I will continue looking, the journey is just hard, but thanks for the encouragement!
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