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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2017 11:17:03 GMT -7
Hi ladies, I'm so glad I found this group, I desperately need people I can talk to that don't know my husband and I personally. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, married for 2. I found out about him looking at porn probably 8 years ago, but I didn't realize until years later how much of a strong hold it was in his life. We agreed to work through it and several times we have been open about his struggle. Last week I found more content on his computer and was heartbroken. He came home from work so we could talk about it in person. It was the closest I came to wanting to call it quits and leave. We have prayed together and he has installed Covenant Eyes in his computer with me as his accountability partner as well as backup porn blocker software. He is looking into online accountability groups since affording counseling isn't an option right now. We discussed doing a sex fast, but Monday was our anniversary so we decided to have one last hurrah before starting the fast. I have never felt such a disconnect while having sex and images from his computer kept popping up in my head. With the stress of dealing with this addiction, plus being a mom of three young kids and very tight on money I feel like I'm drowning and have to keep myself from crying randomly. I don't know how to find balance and hope and keep pressing forward. I'm just glad I've found a group who can understand.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 4, 2017 14:23:26 GMT -7
Welcome to BG goodheart!
Do you know of any strong Christian men in your husband's life that he would be able to have accountability with? I noticed that in my own walk, getting online accountability, (The forum actually), was okay for a while, but it is really easy to get inconsistent with the website, and as much as a lot of people here challenged me in my walk, being that I don't actually KNOW anyone here in person makes me less motivated to live by their challenges. When I actually got a strong Christian man, and close friend of mine to hold me accountable in my walk, I noticed that I began to actually live according to the challenges he presented.
I'm praying for both you and your husband! God is with you through it all!
-Noah
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Post by ladystrong on Oct 4, 2017 21:57:41 GMT -7
Hi goodheart,
I'm glad you found us. I'm sorry you're going through this and I know that it doesn't feel good at all to be a n the place you are in. The roller coaster you're going through is very normal as are the mind movies. I'd say start getting a good support around you to help you through this time. Are there any women you can talk with face to face?
For your husband to gain back your trust he's going to have to work really hard. Installing Cov Eyes is a good first step. What's more important is that your H would seek to be kept accountable to another man he feels he can trust. Does he have other godly and trustworthy men in his life?
He's also going to need to work on being COMPLETELY HONEST. There's no room for hiding anymore. If there's more to the story than just porn (I'm hoping the porn is the only place in which he has committed adultery), he's going to need to come clean about it all.
I suggest marriage counseling and individual counseling as well. Finding out that your H has been using porn regularly throughout your marriage can be very traumatic. It's very difficult to navigate the emotional waters on your own. You will need help.
A few books I recommend: "Every Heart Restored", "The Wife's Heart", "The Road to Grace", "Helping Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair" (more tailored to physical/emotional affairs, but very helpful in laying out the steps that need to be taken to win back the offended spouse and reconcile).
Know that you're not alone. The statistics for Christian men who view porn regularly is staggering and it's getting worse with the accessibility of it thru the internet, etc. Many marriages are suffering because of it. The good things is, there's always a lot of hope with Christ as our guide.
I hope you keep checking in with us. My story is in the Forgiveness Log thread. *HUGS*.
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Post by Deleted on Oct 5, 2017 6:24:22 GMT -7
Hi goodheart. Welcome to BG. I am sorry you are having to go through this. I agree with what Noah and lady have said. Since you and your hubby are not able to go to counseling there are free SAA meetings. Here is their website saa-recovery.org it isn't really Christian based any more but it's still a good support group. |
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