Struggling with triggers and feel under attack

It has been really tough lately. I feel like the triggers are happening left and right, I also feel like I am under attack. I am struggling to get God back in my life. I need Him so much and I miss Him! I want things to work with my husband, but I really need God back in my life first. I don't know where I lost Him or myself along the the way this past 25 years. I just found out about the pornography addiction and the infidelity this past June. It does explain a lot about what has happened to my self-esteem and my personality but I am very disappointed in myself that I've lost God. Please pray for me.