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Lost
Aug 30, 2017 17:49:43 GMT -7
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2017 17:49:43 GMT -7
Hi, my name is April and me and my husband have been together for 13 years. We have 2 kids together. My husband openly admit struggling with a sex addiction just on Monday after I caught him sending nude picture to other females that he found on Craigslist. This hasn't been the first time I caught him sending email, text, or private message to other females, but the first time it was this extreme. He also openly admit watching porn 4-6 times a day. He kicked this habit for a few yrs when he was very active with our church. He has stepped back he started watching porn again, which led to the emails/sexting. I took off my wedding rings, but decided to try to keep the marriage going but he has to get help if he wants this marriage to work. He found a class but then told me he doesn't know if he can commit to going every Thursday. This makes me feel worse.. I can't get the images out of my head. I have been researching, reading books, journaling, etc. I feel so empty, lonely. I just don't know what to do... Do i still continue to fight for my marriage? Do i give him the chance to change? Do i ask him to move out? I'm just so lost...
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Lost
Aug 31, 2017 2:48:39 GMT -7
Post by Deleted on Aug 31, 2017 2:48:39 GMT -7
Hi welcome to BG. I am sorry you are having to deal with this sin addiction. The first thing you need to realize is that the only person you can change is yourself. In other words, it's your husband that has to want to change and has to work towards that change. All you can do is put down boundaries that will help you feel safe. If your husband isn't willing to fight with you for your marriage, nothing will change.
My suggestion to you is to concentrate on your healing. I recommend seeing a therapist because your healing journey won't be easy. Along the way, God will guide you on what to do about your marriage. Everyone here has had a different path to walk.
Hugs hon. I am praying for you and your husband.
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teetop
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Aug 31, 2017 14:14:50 GMT -7
Post by teetop on Aug 31, 2017 14:14:50 GMT -7
Hi, April, welcome to Blazing Grace.
I am one of those members who is in your husband's role. To try and answer one of your questions right off the bat. Taking from the word that God has set before us in His word, I would say there is no room for divorce unless you are willing to stay single the rest of your life. Mat 19:3 Some Pharisees came to Jesus, testing Him and asking, "Is it lawful for a man to divorce his wife for any reason at all?" Mat 19:4 And He answered and said, "Have you not read that He who created them from the beginning MADE THEM MALE AND FEMALE, Mat 19:5 and said, 'FOR THIS REASON A MAN SHALL LEAVE HIS FATHER AND MOTHER AND BE JOINED TO HIS WIFE, AND THE TWO SHALL BECOME ONE FLESH'? Mat 19:6 "So they are no longer two, but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let no man separate." Mat 19:7 They *said to Him, "Why then did Moses command to GIVE HER A CERTIFICATE OF DIVORCE AND SEND her AWAY?" Mat 19:8 He *said to them, "Because of your hardness of heart Moses permitted you to divorce your wives; but from the beginning, it has not been this way. Mat 19:9 "And I say to you, whoever divorces his wife, except for immorality, and marries another woman commits adultery." Mat 19:10 The disciples *said to Him, "If the relationship of the man with his wife is like this, it is better not to marry." Mat 19:11 But He said to them, "Not all men can accept this statement, but only those to whom it has been given. Mat 19:12 "For there are eunuchs who were born that way from their mother's womb, and there are eunuchs who were made eunuchs by men, and there are also eunuchs who made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. He who is able to accept this, let him accept it."
1Co 7:10 But to the married I give instructions, not I, but the Lord, that the wife should not leave her husband 1Co 7:11 (but if she does leave, she must remain unmarried, or else be reconciled to her husband), and that the husband should not divorce his wife. Now I realize this goes against what most women and some men would say even though it feels OK to do it. God says NO! Marriage in God's sight is not a contract but a Covenant between you, your husband and God. The world says it is OK, but as a Christian, we are not of this world.
I admit this really throws a blanket on our feelings and desires and most of us made choices when we were not believers. Yet as believers, we are going to be held to God's higher standard and righteousness. May I suggest a couple of sermons that cover this aspect of God's word: Divorce and Remarriage by David Pawson The Five Biblical Covenants - David Pawson @ KC IHOP Divorce and Remarriage by Andrew Carnes
May the Lord Bless you in your search for His will. Virgil
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Lost
Aug 31, 2017 15:45:06 GMT -7
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Post by ladystrong on Aug 31, 2017 15:45:06 GMT -7
April, I agree with Amymine on this. I would first start with taking care of yourself and making sure you are safe. Also, if you haven't already, find a safe friend to share this with. By safe, I mean someone who will listen and will keep all info confidential. You're going to need support in this journey, not just through this forum but also with women who are in your church. Good for you for journaling and researching. You will find more and more that you're not alone in the fight. Personally, I have found that charting my moods, writing out scripture on 3x5 cards, listening to worship music, eating well and exercising have all helped me get through what I've been through in the last 8 months (you can read more in the Forgiveness Log under Wives).
I would continue to fight for your marriage. You will both need counseling, together as a couple, and apart. He will need accountability with someone he feels he trusts. It might take him awhile to do that but it's so important for his growth and healing. I think he's probably "half in and half out" because of the fear of being embarrassed about his sin. At least he openly admitted to having a problem, that's a step in the right direction. The hard part is that you can't be the Holy Spirit for him and make him change. He's going to need to be the one who decides. But, you now, in some ways, hold a lot more power to steer the direction of the marriage now that things are in the light. Sometimes separation puts enough pain in ones life to change. Personally, I would have done that if my husband continued on the path he was on. Thankfully it never came to that because he repented. If he didn't decide to seek help I know I would have left with our kids or kicked him out.
I would start setting boundaries with him, like Amy said. He needs the consequences of his actions to be laid out. How were things handled the first time around with him sexting issues? Somehow things got off track and he reverted to his old habits.
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