Showing your husband who's boss.
Jul 2, 2017 23:27:30 GMT -7
KevinesKay, ladystrong, and 3 more like this
Post by Deleted on Jul 2, 2017 23:27:30 GMT -7
Hello everyone! It's my first time to post here, although I've been lurking for quite a while. My story is that I've been married for almost 14 years, and have struggled with a PAed husband the whole time. We have had so many D-days, I can't remember how many times my breath was knocked from my body and heart was splattered on the floor. The most recent one was about a month ago. I have determined that I won't leave him, and will continue to forgive him, for the sake of my kids, and for my sanity. We have gone through many rounds of discovery, forgiveness, counseling, "repentance", restoring and re-building. Our conselors these last 7 years have been only slightly helpful, and have never consistently kept my husband accountable. They always counseled me to trust my husband again before I was ready. I respect their authority, so I followed their guidance in the past. But I have finally decided to do what I always knew was necessary.
We are now still "separated" in the same house. I have finally laid down the law, that there will be no physical intimacy until there is spiritual and emotional intimacy. I have come to realize that any emotional intimacy I thought we had was false, shallow and fleeting. That's why I could never really trust my husband. The last two or three years I have been learning to truly rely on Jesus for my self-worth, my value as a human being, and my identity. I realize I was allowing my relationship with my husband steal my joy,my peace, my confidence as a woman and my focus on what God wants to do in and through me. I allowed the sadness and disappointment convince me that I couldn't be truly fulfilled until my marriage was "healthy". That was a lie at right from the pit of hell.
Yes, PA does destroy marital intimacy, at all levels. Yes, it hurts like hell, until you may feel you can't even move. Yes, it can suck the very life right out of you. But it doesn't have to.
God has provided everything we need to live godly lives, sinful husbands notwithstanding. My relationship with my husband used to dictate my joy, my hope, my inner identity. But these past few years I have decided to let Jesus back on the throne. He is the one who knows my every thought, my failings, my talents and my weaknesses. He is the one who created me. I have stopped letting my husband's PA be the boss of my house, my marriage, and my heart. Jesus is boss now, and he hates it when his children are mistreated.
This time my husband knows I will not trust him again until he shows he has grown enough to be the man God made him to be. I will not compromise. My husband's addiction "getting better" is not good enough. I refuse to compete with other lovers, because he was made to be MY beloved, and he belongs to no one else. I will not share our physical intimacy with the images in his head. I will not belittle the act of marriage by allowing him to use me to stroke his ego, or to "help him overcome his addiction". A real man does not use his wife as one more lover, he does not add her to his collection of sexual gratification puppets. I say this not out of hurt or resentment, I say it because marriage, and sex, is a reflection of God's love for his bride. I will not insult the God who died for me by making a mockery of his gift of marital intimacy.
God is the boss now. Not my husband, not his addiction, not my hurt, nor my "ideal christian marriage", which is an idol I worshiped for much longer than I should have.
My desire is to tell you, who are also struggling with a PA husband: Do not settle for less than what God desires for you. You certainly must allow your husband to be human and make mistakes, he will never be perfect. But sexual sin is a deal-breaker. Do not join him in his sickness...demand that he be fully repentant, healed, and restored as an individual in the presence of God before you open your heart and body to him again.
Let's pray together and seek true repentance, true healing, true restoration, and true freedom. Your husband needs it just as much as you do. And don't wait for hm to get his act together before you give yourself 100% to Jesus. He really is sufficient. Your pain might not go away, and your husband may keep falling, but that does not define who you are, or the purpose of your life. God wants to use you right now. Let him take over, and surrender to the one husband who will never let you down!
We are now still "separated" in the same house. I have finally laid down the law, that there will be no physical intimacy until there is spiritual and emotional intimacy. I have come to realize that any emotional intimacy I thought we had was false, shallow and fleeting. That's why I could never really trust my husband. The last two or three years I have been learning to truly rely on Jesus for my self-worth, my value as a human being, and my identity. I realize I was allowing my relationship with my husband steal my joy,my peace, my confidence as a woman and my focus on what God wants to do in and through me. I allowed the sadness and disappointment convince me that I couldn't be truly fulfilled until my marriage was "healthy". That was a lie at right from the pit of hell.
Yes, PA does destroy marital intimacy, at all levels. Yes, it hurts like hell, until you may feel you can't even move. Yes, it can suck the very life right out of you. But it doesn't have to.
God has provided everything we need to live godly lives, sinful husbands notwithstanding. My relationship with my husband used to dictate my joy, my hope, my inner identity. But these past few years I have decided to let Jesus back on the throne. He is the one who knows my every thought, my failings, my talents and my weaknesses. He is the one who created me. I have stopped letting my husband's PA be the boss of my house, my marriage, and my heart. Jesus is boss now, and he hates it when his children are mistreated.
This time my husband knows I will not trust him again until he shows he has grown enough to be the man God made him to be. I will not compromise. My husband's addiction "getting better" is not good enough. I refuse to compete with other lovers, because he was made to be MY beloved, and he belongs to no one else. I will not share our physical intimacy with the images in his head. I will not belittle the act of marriage by allowing him to use me to stroke his ego, or to "help him overcome his addiction". A real man does not use his wife as one more lover, he does not add her to his collection of sexual gratification puppets. I say this not out of hurt or resentment, I say it because marriage, and sex, is a reflection of God's love for his bride. I will not insult the God who died for me by making a mockery of his gift of marital intimacy.
God is the boss now. Not my husband, not his addiction, not my hurt, nor my "ideal christian marriage", which is an idol I worshiped for much longer than I should have.
My desire is to tell you, who are also struggling with a PA husband: Do not settle for less than what God desires for you. You certainly must allow your husband to be human and make mistakes, he will never be perfect. But sexual sin is a deal-breaker. Do not join him in his sickness...demand that he be fully repentant, healed, and restored as an individual in the presence of God before you open your heart and body to him again.
Let's pray together and seek true repentance, true healing, true restoration, and true freedom. Your husband needs it just as much as you do. And don't wait for hm to get his act together before you give yourself 100% to Jesus. He really is sufficient. Your pain might not go away, and your husband may keep falling, but that does not define who you are, or the purpose of your life. God wants to use you right now. Let him take over, and surrender to the one husband who will never let you down!
