Post by Deleted on Jun 21, 2017 11:15:52 GMT -7
So, I left to stay with my parents in VA for 10 days. It's a stressful time for my husband and he tends to rely on and take out his stress on me. I decided I couldn't stick around for it and that I needed to have space to go and regain strength and gain clarity. I am hoping he is taking similar time and utilizing his resources available to keep him or help him with temptations while I'm gone.
He's had two bad nights of the 3-4 I've been gone. One of which he tried to tell me about. I spent the day dreading our conversation to occur that night. Well I called a friend who told me basically not to take the call except to say goodnight. It was empowering.
I've recognized that I have control issues and codependency issues. Both of which have been aiding to the turmoil between my husband and I. Today I decided to call him on his lunch time to say I love him and see how he was doing. He told me he had a bad night last night and now I just feel furious. I just want to light it all on fire and say heck with it. I asked him if he reached out to any of his support and he said no. Not yet. I just don't know how to handle this.
I know I should want recovery for myself. No matter what he chooses to do. I am having a hard time handing him and his life over to the care of God. I'm having a hard time taking the step of faith that it will require to move forward.
I want to wish, pray it all away. I want to scream, cry and curse. I want security for myself. I want stability for my kids. Without sacrificing my relationship with my husband. But I can't stay and have both, especially if this pattern continues.
He is planning on going to a SA meeting this Sunday afternoon. Gosh I really hope it shakes things up for him. I feel hopeless.
He's had two bad nights of the 3-4 I've been gone. One of which he tried to tell me about. I spent the day dreading our conversation to occur that night. Well I called a friend who told me basically not to take the call except to say goodnight. It was empowering.
I've recognized that I have control issues and codependency issues. Both of which have been aiding to the turmoil between my husband and I. Today I decided to call him on his lunch time to say I love him and see how he was doing. He told me he had a bad night last night and now I just feel furious. I just want to light it all on fire and say heck with it. I asked him if he reached out to any of his support and he said no. Not yet. I just don't know how to handle this.
I know I should want recovery for myself. No matter what he chooses to do. I am having a hard time handing him and his life over to the care of God. I'm having a hard time taking the step of faith that it will require to move forward.
I want to wish, pray it all away. I want to scream, cry and curse. I want security for myself. I want stability for my kids. Without sacrificing my relationship with my husband. But I can't stay and have both, especially if this pattern continues.
He is planning on going to a SA meeting this Sunday afternoon. Gosh I really hope it shakes things up for him. I feel hopeless.