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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2017 15:41:31 GMT -7
Hello, All.
I am trying to make sure that I remind myself how lucky I am that God has placed such a wonderful man in my life.
His PA has destroyed a big part of me and has dwindled down or marriage into a meaningless void, but I want to remind myself of how great he is.
Maybe he needs reminding of that right now, too.
For wives who are struggling with the decision to divorce or not, this may be a good exercise for you, too.
It may help you let go of some of the anger and resentment that you may feel and help you to ground yourself and realize all of the blessings that God has given you in the form of your partner.
1. He rubs my back when it hurts.
He even does this after a long day of work and when he is really tired.
2. He rubs my feet when I am laying in bed.
This used to put me to sleep in about 30 seconds, but I have grown a 'tolerance' of it over the years- it still feels amazing, though. Again, he does this even when he is tired.
3. He listens and he listens well about everything. (But his PA).
I know that I can talk to him about anything without him judging me. He doesn't interrupt me, he quietly listens, and he offers his perspective when it is asked for. He is an excellent listener.
4. He works hard at his current job, even though he is terribly over-qualified for it.
When he first moved to be with me, we were both sure that he'd get a job based on his education. Boy, were we wrong. Over the past year or so, I have seen him change and develop into the hardworking, I-Don't-Care-If-I-Get-Sweaty man that he is today. He wasn't always like this. He is more motivated, and more responsible with his time now than he has ever been.
5. He is reaching out to people he knows for help and support with his PA.
This is a huge step and I am so thankful that he has finally taken it.
6. He has given his life to God.
This one, is So important. I love this about him the most.
7. He pays attention and is loving to the dogs.
He will get up and play with them when he knows that I am tired and they are excited and want to have some fun.
8. He is always learning how to do new things.
With the job that he works right now, he is always learning from his mentor and boss, and he has grown SO knowledgeable about so many different things regarding construction, working on vehicles, painting, etc. Oh! That takes me to #9...
9. He is a fast learner.
I love that it doesn't take my husband a long time to master the art of one thing or another.
10. He is very smart.
He is educated and I find that extremely sexy.
11. He gets on the phone to speak German with my grandmother.
I also find this very sexy.
12. He will go to the store for me when I really don't want to leave the house.
Even if it's for something small and stupid and totally unnecessary- like milk and donut holes.
13. He cleans the house way more than he used to.
This has improved drastically since we married and I really appreciate it.
14. He finds ways to make me feel special.
This has also improved drastically since we married and I appreciate it.
15. He is physically affectionate.
He is a kisser, hand-holder, and hugger.
16. I think that he is handsome.
Enough said.
17. He offers to buy and drop off groceries for me and the dogs, even though we are separated right now.
When I told him that I was not ready to see him but I really appreciated his offer, he said "I know you are not ready to see me and this is not a try to see you but to show you that I love and appreciate you." Yesterday, he dropped off dog food and treats at my request. That simple act and that one sentence means a lot to me right now.
18. He is paying the monthly rent on our house just like he said that he would, even though we are separated right now.
This is a mature and selfless thing that shows me that I can count on him to keep his promises of being a provider for myself and the dogs.
To Be Continued...
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Post by Deleted on Jun 6, 2017 23:19:47 GMT -7
I think this is a very good idea. What a nice way to try and not always think of the bad.
1. He attends all of our children's events
2. I think he is handsome
3. He cooks dinner often
4. He helps with the dishes and house cleaning
5. He provides for us so I can be a stay at home mom
6. He does Bible Study with the kids a few times each month
7. He no longer has a smart phone and does not complain about it
8. He is good at fixing things, which saves us a lot of money
9. He helps with the children
10. He is reading Mikes couples book with me
I was thinking about him today and felt a little bad. His parents divorced when he was about 8. His mom lived with several men that she never married after that. He pretty much raised himself and his siblings. He had no relationship with his father until after we married. There was no godly example in his life. He was bullied as a child and now he has this PA issue. As angry as I am, I also feel for him. None of these are an excuse for sin. I just know I need to look at both sides of the problem.
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KevinesKay
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Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jun 7, 2017 13:31:06 GMT -7
This is so awesome. Wonderful sharing. Hats off to you ladies for doing this exercise. Standing ovation!
What I appreciate about my wife.
1. She is faithful. She will never leave me.
2. She puts her family first. She demonstrates complete commitment to being the best mother to her kids.
3. She's a great cook and consistently endures that her family is fed.
4. She loves animals and shows compassion for them.
5. She values the kid's education and spends much time homeschooling them.
6. She's beautiful and has a lovely smile.
7. She's passionate and always feels attracted to me.
8. She's demonstrated unconditional love for me. Even when it hurts, she's shown that she cares for and accepts me for who I am.
9. She's forgiven me when I've done her wrong and violated her trust.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 7, 2017 15:32:56 GMT -7
This is so awesome. Wonderful sharing. Hats off to you ladies for doing this exercise. Standing ovation! What I appreciate about my wife. 1. She is faithful. She will never leave me. 2. She puts her family first. She demonstrates complete commitment to being the best mother to her kids. 3. She's a great cook and consistently endures that her family is fed. 4. She loves animals and shows compassion for them. 5. She values the kid's education and spends much time homeschooling them. 6. She's beautiful and has a lovely smile. 7. She's passionate and always feels attracted to me. 8. She's demonstrated unconditional love for me. Even when it hurts, she's shown that she cares for and accepts me for who I am. 9. She's forgiven me when I've done her wrong and violated her trust. I think this is so awesome. I'm also a homeschooling mom. Thanks for sharing!!!! |
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2017 6:46:33 GMT -7
Here are some things I love about my husband. I anticipate this list growing with time, but here are a few things that came to mind this morning.
1) He's Christian
2) He integrated me into the body of Christ beautifully. By that I mean that he introduced me to our church and many church members, sat with me for every class of a 7-week introduction to our church and my entire first semester of Bible College.
3) He prays with me.
4) He loves me and has demonstrated his willingness to work on things that will save our marriage even though he's only just begun this process and doesn't have a lot of insight about it yet.
5) He goes to counselling with me.
6) He loves my daughter.
7) He's very attractive.
8) He paid for my daughter to go to a weekend camp she wanted to go to.
9) He has a soft heart.
10) He spoils me with gifts at Christmastime.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 10, 2017 17:04:35 GMT -7
...Continued...
19. He is apologizing for the ways in which he has hurt me.
I believe that he is being sincere and I appreciate that.
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Post by Deleted on Jun 17, 2017 21:51:35 GMT -7
1. He makes me laugh
2. He enjoys doing new things and going on adventures with me.
3. He is highly educated
4. Family is a high priority to him
5. He is very giving to family of his time and being there for us all through good and bad and giving of financial gifts
6. He adores our ( my ) adult children and stepped up to the plate as their father when their biological father passed away, He treats them as his own.
7. He is in love with the grand babies and will do anything for them
8. He sacrifices beyond measure even to the point where I cannot even comprehend how much he sacrifices with the career position he holds. It is beyond me how much he sacrifices with his work. It's dangerous and it's just something I cannot even comprehend.
9. He has a new found relationship with God and is slowly changing in certain positive ways and is seeking a new church home with me ]
10. He prays with me and for me
11. He helps me with housework
12. He does errands for me
13. He helps me in my career when I call upon him for special tasks
14. He has been committed to me as far as not leaving or running away from the problems
15. He attended a recovery treatment for PA
16. He is staying clean by working his program with others
17. He cooks yummy food for me a lot
18. He loves nature as much as I do
19. He knows a lot about what's going on in the world
20. He has my heart
21. He sends me flowers
22. He takes me out
23. He likes to read as much as I do
24. He is my opposite so I have learned a lot from his strengths ]
25. He brags about me to others [
]26. He does not drink or smoke
27. He likes to stay active
28. He is a talented fisherman / hunter
29. He takes care of his health
30. He has the same tastes in many things as I do. ]
[
]31. He takes care of my car maintenance and doggie vet visits for me.
32. He loves ice cream as much as I do
33. Without him I would not know myself as well as I do nor would I have had as much personal growth and the healing of or growth with many things from within myself - emotionally spiritually and I am also mentally stronger and smarter in ways I was not before. [
]34. He is listening a little better as far as knowing the little smallest of things that bring me a smile or a good feeling towards him. He is slowly trying to improve
And the number #1 reason - he makes my coffee every morning for me when he's home from work
It's so odd because when things are bad they are really bad and when things are good between us it's really good.
There is no median or area of gray
Living in the gray is my favorite way to live. I don't enjoy all one way or another
I want to note that for numerous years he was very attractive to me and also very sexual and physically affectionate however as the disease of PA progressed and got worse these things changed for me and him ) I hope someday that these things will be restored for us..... however one thing at a time..... we are new in this recovery and it will take time just like we did not hit bottom quickly we will not recover quickly and recovery will be our ongoing thing lest we go bsvk....
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2017 20:20:41 GMT -7
Butterfly, thank you for helping us to remember to be thankful for the blessings that our spouses are to us. When our spouses are doing things that hurt us, it can be hard to remember the good things over all the pain and bad memories. The devil wants us to dwell in the bad, because when we do, we become farther away from Jesus. I will continue to work on adding to my list, so here I go.
Things I love about my spouse:
I love how he is the stronger half in our parenting team. I am definitely the softer one, and without his hard work and efforts and hard work, our children would not be the great young men they are today. A few years ago he struggled with anger and communication issues with the boys. But after a few sessions with a family counselor, he started doing the work and made some changes with his approach. Now, a few years later, I can really see the boys listen and respect him, and I have a great respect for the growth he has done in this area.
I love how he believes in me, sometimes much more than I believe in myself.
I love how he laughs with me when I am being goofy.
Things I respect about my spouse:
He is a stand up guy. He will do everything within his power to protect his family.
He is kind, but not a pushover.
If he see something bad happening, he will get involved to help others in need.
He shares his opinion, regardless of what others think about it.
To be continued...
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Post by Deleted on Jun 23, 2017 23:49:17 GMT -7
Things i love about my husband...
He is funny...
He has always been a good provider for our family.
He made it so i could stay home with our only son for the most part of 18years. After i had to have a hysterectomy and could not have any more children at the age of just 22.
He loves me...
He likes to buy me flowers.. i love flowers.
He's is a good father...
A wonderful grandfather...
We are team mates in life...
He loves to travel.. we have alot of the same interests..
I love his hands. Its the first thing i remember noticing about him when i was 15 years old.. Their strong hands!
I love his eyes... their beautiful.
I love how he will run little errands for me or go pick up food for us when i dont want to cook.
I love that in almost 28 years he has never divorced/left me.. even though it seemed like he would leave.
I love how he has been leaving his phone and not taking it to the back... i pray to God that this continues..
I love that he likes to snuggle..
I love that he loves movies.. thats our thing!
To be continued.....
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Post by Deleted on Jul 5, 2017 19:44:05 GMT -7
"The devil wants us to dwell in the bad, because when we do, we become farther away from Jesus"
Boy, that's the truth, FMWB!!
Staying mindful that we are all a small part of GOD's plan and to recognize and reject the devil is so difficult in these times but so vital to our spiritual survival.
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2017 9:59:01 GMT -7
...Continued...
20. He says "Thank You" way more than he used to.
21. He emailed our landlord on his own and personally took responsibility for rent being late and updated the landlord on the rent situation.
22. He thanked me for trimming one of the dogs today.
I believe that this was his way of acknowledging that this would have been something on List #1 had I not done it last night and letting me know that it did not go unnoticed. I appreciate that.
23. He came over today and has already begun to work on things 3 & 4 from List #1.
I do not know if he was motivated to do it through the Spirit of the Lord, if it was just a task that he knew he needed to do and get it over with, but I pray he found joy in showing me love through action. It would be a good habit for him to get into and we would both benefit so greatly from it.
24. He recognized that something needed to be acknowledged today and he reached out to me to make sure that I understood his motivations so that I was not confused about it.
Contrary to popular belief, I assume that he is being honest and forthright in this action. Which is a reason what makes me appreciate actions of this nature.
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