What Do I Do When Husband Is Seeking Help But Lying About Me

Hi, Goldie!

I am really glad that things with you are moving in a more positive direction!!!

How have things been for you in the past two weeks?
(I'll catch up on reading your stuff if you've written on here lately)!

"Have you read any of Mikes articles on Blazing Grace there is one that is my favorite titled when to confront your spouse about porn. It's good. After I did what the article suggests a few things actually did progress in a more positive direction."
I have read Mike's book, and most everything on this website by now I am pretty sure.
I have gleaned very much from his writings, as well as the writings of the forum members here.

My husband has finally admitted that he has been lying to me, his family, and himself and he states that he doesn't watch porn anymore, so I guess that's just going to have to be positive enough for me!

"It's just slow going and sometimes I don't see any progress."
I agree, it can be rather slow-going! But there's nothing we can do about that. Except pray. And you never want to tell God to hurry up while you are praying! lol.

For me, I feel like just my husband not LYING to me anymore (so I hope - but this is probably stupid of me to do and I am just realizing this tonight, actually) is enough of a positive direction. The lying and deceitfulness is what really bothered me. It's pretty bothersome to consider the lengths he has gone to to try to make his lies seem true.

It's his life path and if he wants to give up porn, cheating, whatever he's into these days, then he will.
And when he f***s up, maybe he'll tell me instead of lying about it. That's all I can hope for in this marriage.
Honesty will be and has always been my husband's biggest challenge.

I don't really care how many times my husband relapses with his PA - I have "relapsed" many, many times in my own life and in my own ways.
God forgave me when I asked for it, so I'm just going to go by that and pay it forward.....Know what I'm saying?

But the fact that he informed me that he would probably meet up with some girls that he met at church to "critique their dancing and suggest some different moves" instead of coming over to his own house with his family that he supposedly cares about so much to see what he can help me with around here is definitely showing me that he and I are not on the same page.
Sigh.

Slow progress maybe, but one thing's for certain, I'm not letting him slow my life down anymore.

And he's already jumping at the chance to get out of his responsibility in paying rent since I forwarded him an email I sent as a reply to my landlord tonight in which I apologized for us owing $1750 in rent and told my landlord that I was so sorry about that and that my plan was to not depend on my husband for anything anymore.
(That way, the landlord will actually get paid....)

A husband who wasn't a selfish, spoiled brat would probably email the landlord himself and let the landlord know that his grandmother just sent him some free money and that he was going to deposit it towards rent and apologize to the landlord on his own instead of leaving it to me to smooth everything over with the landlord, as usual.

A husband with any self-respect would probably swallow his pride and say, "Dear, please don't worry and please let me take care of just the ONE thing you ask me to do for you right now- RENT." (And actually do it....)

Instead, I got an email basically saying "Don't forget- you can't depend on me for anything! I'm staying out of your life now so I can't do anything for you. " lol.
A very typical, cowardly, selfish response.
I was not surprised in the least.

"The whole relationship has almost consumed me. I need some peace of mind. Prayer has helped me more than anything and seeking God's will."
Tell me about it!
I really need some piece of mind tonight, so I hear ya on that!

I pretty much pray all the time, all day long, in everything I do. It's the only way I know how to live. Peace is definitely something I am constantly praying for these days.

I went through a "phase" about 2 years ago where I was overwhelmed with life (to say the LEAST) and was basically rebelling against God (like a spoiled brat) and I shared with my husband (fiance at the time- His lying about his online activities was a large part of my unhappiness then) that I didn't care about praying anymore-
God obviously didn't care about me or didn't even exist, so why should I pray to Him?? (This is a reeeeeeeally dumb move some of us Christians make sometimes when we don't know how to wait for God and don't know how to get the peace He is already giving us).

Let me tell you, I could hardly function.
I would start praying sincerely, out of habit, and then I'd have to stop myself and remind myself that God didn't care about me, so I shouldn't waste my time praying anymore. It was complete foolishness.
I could hardly function without my Jesus there to talk to, and this nonsense of not praying anymore only lasted about a week at most.
I am lucky that when I came groveling back to my Savior that he opened his arms. Just like He said He would. And I realized that He never left.
I reminded myself of a little child who threatened to hold his breath until he got what he wanted. It was ridiculous.

If I hadn't been born and raised in my faith, I have no idea how I would be managing right now.
I am thankful my husband has finally found God and started praying and reading the Bible because I know that's the only thing that has kept me going through all of my hardships in life. I always told him God was his only hope and that He was all my husband would ever need no matter what.

I know that God will give me the strength that I need to not let my failing marriage make ME feel like a failure.
I know that even though my husband hurts me and makes me cry and makes me fall on my knees weak, unable to breathe, and sobbing, that God is there and He is just waiting for me to let Him catch me and lift me up. I just have to call to Him. And I always do. I am so thankful that He is there.