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Post by rical on May 9, 2017 16:23:14 GMT -7
Intro questions/answers
1. To reorient my life mean to to start going towards Christ for the things missing in my heart
4. I've had a never ending series of relaspes and recovery
5. I've been saved for many years but am only beginning to understand the difference between the gospel and 12 steps.7.yes,yes,yes, just like Joseph I could use my sin as a way to bring people to Christ
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Post by rical on May 9, 2017 18:50:38 GMT -7
Chapter 1
1) I don't know where I would fall on a scale but I do know I was sinking deeper and that once I turned on the switch I never knew when I would stop.
5a. I've thrown away/deleted things more times than I can count.
5b. It's just the nature of addiction.
7. It's exciting to think there is an adventure laying beyond my addiction.
8. Yes, to be aware of my brokeness and redemption is to fully understand grace.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,754 
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on May 10, 2017 11:01:43 GMT -7
For the introduction, I've experienced first hand on what is shared in the first question. Recovery is not about suppressing my desires or my addiction, but redirecting my God-given desires in the right direction.
Chapter 1
1. If I were to measure the degree of severity that I progressed in my sexual behavior, I would give myself a 9. Because my behaviors progressed to vojeurism and indecent liberties which are considered felonies.
2. I can most certainly relate to the lonely man comment. In fact, I felt more comfortable being alone than with other people. So I had few close friends in my life.
3. I deceive myself into thinking that this is normal. While watching P, I buy into the lie that everybody I'm viewing is having all this fun, and I'm just missing out.
4. Men in church don't often want to look week. So we paint ourselves to look like a brand new car with no issues. What I really need is an engine repair shop. Where I'm bumped and bruised and need a lot of support.
5. I've thrown out my porn collection many times only to go back digging for it. So than I would put it in a dumpster that was miles from where I lived. But I still bought more. Or I would install filters on my computer only to find a way to bypass them. Why did this not work? Because I was treating the symptoms as opposed to the real disease.
6. In referring to addiction as a prison, to me acting out felt so good that I didn't feel imprisoned. If it didn't feel good, I wouldn't have done it. I was blinded from the world outside of my world of s*x.
7. My addiction uses resentment as fuel to act out. When that sense of adventure and fulfillment is feel by my heart, that resentment goes down and the addiction loses some of it's power.
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Post by rical on May 13, 2017 11:39:01 GMT -7
Chap2
1. P fill emptiness inside me
I enjoy the adrenaline rush
3. I am extremely timid person
Not very strong, I let woman lead
5. 6,4,2,3
Growing up, my family was never there for me.
The only time my family spent together was in front of a TV.
I must be willing to be reject before I can fell excepted
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,754
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on May 16, 2017 4:44:46 GMT -7
Chap 2
1. P has been my love. I wanted love, I searched for it in P.
2. I recall as I was young, saying to myself, "If I don't find a woman, at least I'll have P. P is all I'll need." I replaced God with a lie.
3. P gives me an intense high. And I don't have to pay anything and I can act out in secret.
4. I'll rate myself a 4. In the presence of a woman, make that a 3.
5. Sexual fulfilment without relationship. That one rings true to me. Relationships scare me and are outside of my comfort zone.
6. I understand that I cannot deal with the P, without addressing the underlying needs in my life that are being neglected.
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Post by rical on May 23, 2017 13:05:03 GMT -7
1. I am aware something is there but I can't identify what it is.
2. To be liked
To have someone spend time with me
To be able to hold a long conversation.
3. Yes, for me it's the need to feel alive
4. I'm not trying to be lazy but I can't do any better than the list provided in the book under the section "name your thoughts "
5. Yes, no, my weakness is caused when I stop paying attention to the dangers around me. At the same time start ignoring God.
6. It's like I'm looking at people and things with a new set of eyes. I'm not just abstaining, I'm transforming.
8. Hard to believe I had to pray about this one. My father died when I was 13 and I really didn't cry about it. Our relationship was so nonexistent that I felt no sense of loss. 11 years later I went away with a friend and his father. It was the first time I ever watched a father/son interaction. The morning after I got home I cried uncontrollably, I saw what I would never have with my father.
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Post by rical on May 25, 2017 16:45:52 GMT -7
Chapter 4
1. Yes, several years ago I away on a business trip, my wife kept checking in with me to see how I was doing, I lied and said I was doing good. When I got home I confessed that I lied. We meet with our pastor for counseling and she learned how bad off I was.
2. Yes, if it was just my behavior I could stop.
3. I started to write yes I do trust God but the Holy Spirit told me I don't.
I give God very little true control over my life.
I say I do but my actions say otherwise.
4. I don't feel I adequately provide for my family
I would spend more time praying for specific areas in life
I taken the risk several times but I don't seem to connect.
5. I don't remember this, but when I was 2 years old, I went to go live with my aunt for 3 months because my mom was in the hospital a nervous break down. I believe the breakdown was the result of my father molesting my older half sisters (his step daughters)
6. You'll always be a nobody
7. I would stop getting my value from people, things and accomplishments.
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Post by Will on May 26, 2017 17:25:13 GMT -7
Hey dude, are you actually a surfer though?  |
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Post by rical on May 26, 2017 19:53:29 GMT -7
Mostly body surfing but in this case this are answers to the questions from the study guide to the book by Michael cusisk " Surfing for God . The link to the study guide is found in the resources section of the forums.
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Post by Will on May 26, 2017 22:14:39 GMT -7
Ah sorry, that was pretty dumb of me! I do some surfing here in Sydney (badly) and it is always very good for the soul. I'm also a porn addict and am finding that it is the deep-seated issues that are underlying causes of this behaviour that I have to deal with, I can't just fix it by self-discipline or will-power ('white-knuckling' as Kevinskay says!). Recently have been blessed to drill down through a powerful seam of fear, to what is below that, that seems to be a lot of sorrow. I think it's to numb myself from the sorrow (and the fear) that I have acted out with porn, etc. So for me it's a case of opening that stuff up to the healing light of God, and dealing with it. It's tough because it's a real big job! Here's a great talk that I really enjoyed. It's about SSA but is really about all sexual addiction. A lot of what he says really applies to me as well: www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqLuJq5tdmIPlease do you have a link to that Study Guide? Can't seem to find it |
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,754
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on May 31, 2017 16:35:14 GMT -7
Surfing for God
Chapter 3
1. No. I actually was not aware of any deeper desire. It took a long time to see past my desire for sex.
2. So very true.
A. God's love
B. Purpose
C. Friends
3. Yes. And directly addressing the inner thirst beneath the struggle will cause the addiction to lose power over me.
4. I'm really thirsting for love; love for myself and love from the Lord.
5. My acting out was fueled by a desire to get my needs met. But outside of my addiction, in the real world, I tended to put my needs last.
6. No. I always have thought my desires to be too strong; and that I had to beat them down as opposed to redirecting them.
7. I can relate to both concepts.
8. I became broken when I was left by my dad at age 1. And having few good friends while growing up, I was often bullied and picked on.
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,754
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on May 31, 2017 16:37:33 GMT -7
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Post by Will on Jun 3, 2017 1:34:22 GMT -7
Thanks Kevineskay! Will check it out!
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Post by rical on Jun 4, 2017 6:03:22 GMT -7
Chapter 5
1. Yes
2. Not in this not in this order; adventure, companionship, excitement, stress felief, boredom
3. I hate being alone and unwanted, incapable of doing the task at hand or just overwhelmed.
4. Yes, I've destroyed friendships
Avoided doing things that needed to be done
Taken time that should have gone to my family and wife
5. First before I was born; my mother's sanity and sisters virtue. Things I've done to others through ignorance and on purpose to others. Opened evil spiritual gates.
Took away energy that could have been used for productive things.
.6. definitely hopeful
7. Absolutely, without a active, breathing relationship with Christ; the Bible is nothing more than an impossible rule book to follow
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KevinesKay
Administrator
Posts: 1,754
Occupation: Balloon Artist
Interests: weight lifting, singing, playing the guitar
Days of Integrity: 1 year
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Post by KevinesKay on Jun 12, 2017 12:14:20 GMT -7
1. This was during my first marriage. I had acted out by purchasing a soft core porn tape at a video store
I wrote a check and hid my tracks by logging it into my register as "Meijer".
A month later, I was acting out again. I saw she was coming home. So I cleaned myself up and greeted her warmly at the front door.
She seemed upset. She asked if I noticed the note she put on the refrigerator door for me. I didn't notice it. So I went over to it, and it asked what this check was for. Attached was the check I wrote to the video store. I then confessed that I was acting out. This was only a few months after we were married. She was devastated. She cried out to God every night for that week screaming, "Why me!!" It was horrible.
2. It took me a long to understand that I needed do more than just stop the behaviors. In fact, the behaviors could not be stopped until I had a change of heart.
3. Having my trust violated when I was a child played a part in my not trusting God to meet my needs. I even ignored His guidance in determining what my needs truly were.
4. I feel inadequate financially and in the area of sports. I need other men in my support system. God uses these men as a primary means of communication.
5. My father left the family for another woman when I was one.
6. The enemy would want me to think. Kevin you are a loser.
7. I have to accept help. And I need daily reliance upon God and His Word.
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