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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2017 14:17:48 GMT -7
This has been very difficult for me. I have not been sure exactly how to process it all. I am spending more time with God and trying to keep my eyes on Him. I'm not sure what to think. Dealing with this can seem like living in a twilight zone. My prayer is that one day I will have learned enough from this experience that I might be able to help another. I don't mind suffering or loss when there is an end result. If God will get the glory out of this I can endure whatever pain I need to endure. I don't mind suffering if it means that I am taking up my cross and following Jesus. What I don't like, is the idea of senseless suffering. I always hope that I can win my husband with chaste behavior (which I haven not always had). If it means that in the end my husband will turn toward God, then all of my tears and pain will be worth it. It use to be about me and how he has hurt me. More and more I realize before I am his wife, I am his sister in Christ. My concern has to be his eternity. It is not always easy to look past my pain. I have my good and bad days. I still wonder why form time to time. Yet, I am tying to see the bigger picture and press toward the mark. I know that my light affliction is but for a moment. I am trying to think of the future and the best outcome for my husband, my children and myself. It would be so easy for me to just walk away and give up. I keep telling myself that God did not call me to what is easy.
Don't get me wrong, there are rule breakers (being abusive for example). I will also keep my boundaries in place. I have chosen not to allow internet in my home, except for my personal cell phone. My husband has agreed that he will not own a smart phone, just a basic one. There will be no internet on his phone (calling and texting only), just to name a few.
I also understand that we all must walk out our individual faith journeys. I can support him and be a light. Yet, this is his relationship with God. I am not perfect and have my own healing process and walk with God to focus on. There has to be a balance. As disappointed and hurt as I am, I need to figure out how to see my husband as he is (a sinner in need of God). It's funny how I can offer so much grace to others who are hurting but when it came to my husband I could not. I am still angry but I also feel very bad for him. I can not image what his life growing up could have been like. I was raised in the church with both of my parents. His parents were divorced when he was 8 and he did not come to know Christ until he was 23. He has told many stories of pain from his past. Now I pray for his healing and that God will fill every void in his life. In spite of it all, I still give God the praise and glory even if I have to scream and cry sometimes. God is still good and worthy to be praised. When life throws it's best shot at me, it is so good to know that I am not alone. I serve a God who cares. I am building my faith day by day and learning to trust God more and more. If it means that I am drawn closer to God because of my pain, then it is worth it. I might not like it, but it's worth it. I did not like childbirth, but it was so worth it.
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Post by ladystrong on Apr 24, 2017 21:20:49 GMT -7
Amen, sister. What a journey we are all on. Not one of our choosing but one, as I'd like to think, that God hand-picked us for. Letting my husband go to God has been one of the most freeing things in my life. I know he is in good hands when he is with the Father. I went on a short retreat this weekend by myself and for the first time I didn't feel the pull to always be thinking of getting home to see my husband. It was so freeing again. I had asked God so many times to help me put Jesus first but it took this event to break me. Anyway, I am right there with you in all you have written. Somehow God will use this to His glory. I seriously thought I'd be going into doing children's ministry stuff but I'm pretty sure that God has absolutely shifted my future ministry through all of this happening to us. Thanks for sharing
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2017 22:17:25 GMT -7
Amen, sister. What a journey we are all on. Not one of our choosing but one, as I'd like to think, that God hand-picked us for. Letting my husband go to God has been one of the most freeing things in my life. I know he is in good hands when he is with the Father. I went on a short retreat this weekend by myself and for the first time I didn't feel the pull to always be thinking of getting home to see my husband. It was so freeing again. I had asked God so many times to help me put Jesus first but it took this event to break me. Anyway, I am right there with you in all you have written. Somehow God will use this to His glory. I seriously thought I'd be going into doing children's ministry stuff but I'm pretty sure that God has absolutely shifted my future ministry through all of this happening to us. Thanks for sharing Thank you for replying. As much as I don't like this whole situation, I can say that I am chasing God like never before. I have never read my Bible so much or prayed so much in my life. This hurts in so many ways, but I do feel like I am on the potters wheel being shaped to become more and more like Christ. I don't like admitting that good can come from such a horrible thing. The Word does tell us that He will turn all things for the good of them who are in Christ Jesus. I had to remind myself that God knows how much this hurts and how much I care for my husband. I also had to remember that Christ loves him even more than I do. You are so right that when given them to God, our husband's are in good hands. I am learning to embrace the messiness of life. God can create something beautiful out of anything. I am really starting to learn that. I think at this point it is more about building my faith and trust in God. This situation is forcing me to practice what I preach and increase my faith. I am growing in God and that is always a good thing. I too had to be broken and come to a place where I was alone and desperate for God. I am learning how to lean on God and seek His face. Though this is difficult for me, it is also an exciting time. I look forward to seeing what God is going to do in my life. I am learning to find my joy in Jesus. That is something I could not say that before. It has taken a long process to get me to this point, but I am so thankful to God for not giving up on me. I still need a lot of healing and the work in me is not done. At the same time, I am very optimistic about the future.
I am glad that you felt free on your trip. What a blessing!! My prayers are with you and all of us on this journey. God sees and he knows all, even when we don't understand. I am also so thankful for this space to share and support one another. This has been such a blessing. Thank you again for taking the time to read my post and respond.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2017 5:30:10 GMT -7
God does have a way of shifting your focus and changing where you walk. I thought my ex and I would have a ministry that would focus on porn addiction when I still was in the marriage and in fighting mode. Little did I know that I would be going on that journey on my own.
All we can do is keep our focus on God and follow where He leads. Things do work out for His glory when we humble ourselves and obey.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 25, 2017 21:42:11 GMT -7
It's a crazy journey all right. Two weeks ago my husband went to a 3 day intensive counseling and group and education center to get help for his SA and IA. ( IA is a new diagnosis that stems from Sex Addiction. He was given the tools he needs to use for his recovery however he has not done a lot. He has been working away. He claims to not be using sexually again however I really don't believe him because his words are not matching up with how he treats me over the phone. I blocked his number from my phone so he cannot call me. I am tired of it all. I am gonna take a break from him. Ladies listen up.... over the last year I had a 3 month long emotional affair with someone ( not my husband ). This person ended up moving away and I was relieved because I felt so guilty that we had a super special bond that was one which was more than friends.... however at the same time it was so good because I had someone there for me to connect to and laugh with and do things with while my husband was working. There was never sex or any kind of physical touching other than a hug when they left town.... however first the special emotional ..... then after awhile if not stopped comes the physical ....so that showed me how vunrable I am. It was a good lesson. Of all the numerous years I was married to my first husband 14 yrs and now my second husband 15 yrs not once had I ever even had something that emotionally deep with a person in a special way. So I put on my guard. I told my husband about it all and he had no response ( didn't care basically ) Since then over the last 6 mo two men ( one married ) have tempted me to sleep with them. My husband does not know how hard it was for me to put that out of my mind. What happens was it caused me to really look at myself and rededicate my heart to my husband even though he has not built trust back .... the truth is I am in love with my husband and would be misriable without him. I have not ever done anything that I know of to harm him and when I think I even might have I tell him and talk to him about it. He never talks to me though ... only about surface things and I am still deprived of emotional and physical intimacy from him. He knows how I want to be loved and he does love me. He has severe severe issues. I am giving him time to get better now that he went to get help however i will not stay here with this on going. He will ether change one thing - everything - or he won't ether way it will not be because of me ( I hope it's not ) because only then does he stand a chance he needs recovery for himself not having anything to do with me or not. I would hope he does it for the marriage but still mainly for him / God because that's the only way it will last
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2017 2:18:43 GMT -7
Actually the other person was a woman and we became very close friends nothing ever happened between us because we are not lesbian or gay - other than us spending time laughing and talking and going out to eat and for drives on pretty days and to the gym we just had such a deep emotional connection that it bothered me due to the fact I had wanted that with my husband and I am smart enough to know how things that are innocent can turn into trouble if a person does not be careful and the two men did not " offer themselves up " for sex they simply showed extreme attraction to me they never said a word about sex exvept alouded to it more than once or twice - tried to become close to me and wanted to flirt and I could tell to be on my guard for further protection - woman very much so knows when a man wants to be with her and all I would have had to do was say hey let's get together by the way one was a co worker who I went to my boss over to ask him to please stop bothering me - the other was a former high school classmate who continually showed up where I was at and is also married and it appalled me so I told him that I am happily married - I dress modestly and conduct myself in a very highly respected way in my community and I do not go anywhere unsafe I have not stepped foot in a bar in 18 years and even before then I did not drink - I go to work , to the gym - to my adult kids houses - to my counselors - to the play park - to classes when I need to go for CE - I go to work related dinner meetings - to my spiritual adviser and to church and to the shopping mall stores and errands Dr appt and hair and nails appt and regular everyday places. I am not offended by your post I sincerely really do thank you very much for your concern 💕 I am very much in love with my husband and I know that Satan stops at nothing to harm us what my point was for us as the pareteners of SA and IA it's up to us to guard our marriages however at the same time I will not stop my good decent respectable life because of fear. I am a happy person full of joy I am not going to set myself on fire to make someone else warm my inner heart and physical pain due to lack of emotional and sexual intimacy is my issue which I have continually turned to God for relief I do not believe in dwelling in the problem it does nothing I turn it over do the footwork and dwell in solutions I have guarded my marriage with a iron clad door and I did have a female friend who was special close to me emotionally and I was aware how it could turn into something harmful for me and my husband and that's why I told him how I felt about being vunrable I am a professional in the community and my picture is professionally publicized often and I am around a lot of people out and about regularly I am not the presttist girl on the block however I am very proud that my main attraction is my kind personality who always tries to be a blessing to others with a smile and a helpful hand Anyone close to me who is negative or refuses to help themselves knowing that they have a choice does not fly well with me because I am a person who has been in the pit of hell before and worked hard to be where I am at today spiritually I am not above anyone however at the same time if I can get help for myself in simple ways that don't cost a dime then anyone can. I understand not all of us are the same in that way if thinkinv however I believe that Jesus suffered on the cross so we do not have to suffer .... I know there is suffering in life however my husband is fully aware of his SA and IA he also is fully aware there is abumdent help hebis also aware of the devastation it has caused me and so its a choice for him. I am in love with him however I believe that it's not my place to continually put myself with a person who fully and freely chooses to continue to deprive and starve me for crumbs knowingly and willingly. I want to be an example for othercwoman who I help in the streets who have no one or no body that God is always there for them and they do not have to be in a place where they are treated like nothing of any value as a wife and the same goes for me I must livecand value myself as a wife before anyone else can so I make sure I try my best not to hurt myself by making foolish choices with who I surround myself with. I look for the winners those who are woman that do something for themselves to become stronger and better and actually grow to model after and I look just as much to the ones who are in the same boat year after year just wallowing in other people's issues as if they have no choice to try a new way of thinking like helping themselves because both give me help in different ways
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2017 3:08:53 GMT -7
Learn to be happy Every storm isn't in the forecast. Your happiness shouldn't be dictated by your circumstances because things will happen. Learn to be happy regardless, you already have the victory through Christ Jesus ~ Joyce Meyers
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Post by ladystrong on Apr 26, 2017 8:19:53 GMT -7
Goldie, thanks for clarifying. I'm going to delete my post so that we can focus on our friend's healing in this thread.
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