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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2017 8:12:45 GMT -7
I love this websites devotionals. This really fits the wives going through the battle. Please take the time to read it. Pressing Through the Pain |
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Post by ladystrong on Feb 24, 2017 17:16:30 GMT -7
Love how she wrote that. Thanks for sharing  |
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Post by Deleted on Feb 24, 2017 18:00:15 GMT -7
Love it!
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2017 0:48:07 GMT -7
Worry about changing yourself, not your spouse. You cannot change your spouse—only God can. But what you can do is allow God to change your heart. If you have a log of bitterness in your own eye, how can you take the speck out of your spouse's eye? (Matthew 7:3). You, too, have made choices in this relationship that have hurt your spouse and need to be mended. Even though your spouse's sin goes unresolved for now, he or she will answer for it one day before God (Matthew 10:26). In the same way, God will hold you responsible for the bitterness in your heart.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 5, 2017 7:29:24 GMT -7
Very true Goldie.
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Post by Deleted on Mar 6, 2017 0:36:28 GMT -7
I have been doing a lot of studying and reading on recovery for SA partners like myself I truly believe I am experiencing relational trauma a form of PTSD. Being a woman who came from a chaotic upbringing with past childhood trauma the deception and betrayal from my spouse has hit like a double whammy. Although I have done lots and lots of work on letting go of my childhood trauma and actually function very well under "normal" curcumstances and in dealing with even most life "crisis" ..... SA has been quite the challenge for me to find solutions for myself for. Of course God is the one who has brought me the tools / solutions through other people and resources except that would not have happened without prayer and pressing through to see the real picture. This is spiritual warfare since Satan uses sexual sins as his most favorite destroyer. I must see this for what it is. My gut told me this is trauma I am dealing with inside myself while my head was telling me it is co dependency. I looked at a chart comparing codependent thinking / reacting / feeling to tramuatized thinking / reacting / feeling and I line right up with the later. My husband has to repent and actively work a chirstian recovery
program. That's my bottom line. If he chooses not to then I can STILL love him however I am an adult who is free to also make my own choices. I have made a decision that if there is not a desire for him to ask for Gods forgiveness and help to clean up his side of the street I am no longer going to choose to be tramuatized over and over and over again by his SA .
SA is adultery plain and simple. So i beleive God has given me the choice. Of course I desire to stay with my husband and for our marraige to show steady improvements and growth however I am not going to continue with a spouse who chooses not to do the work needed on his part for that to happen. I am doing my part..... letting go of anger resentment fear bitterness and addressing my current trauma and even some of my old trauma ....,And seeing my fear .... a lot has to be built and cannot be done alone. A lot of my daily life and who I am has been temporarily disrupted ..... yes I am glad it has been because some things about me needed to change even before SA came out in the open. And my relationship with God has grown in leaps and bounds I see God in an even newer and fresher and deeper way and I depend on him more. So these are good things..... I just will not live being traumatized over and over and over again by deceit when my spouse has free available help by just asking for it.
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Post by Deleted on Apr 2, 2017 23:20:10 GMT -7
I remember when I met my husband. He was so attentive and loving and kind. We had so much fun together and we got along just fine. We had so much in common and had many of the same goals. He planned things for us and took me out and I looked forward to just about everything with him. We had affection for each other and no issues with sex for many years. At some point ( I really don't recall when exactly ) things took a turn. It seemed like it was gradual except looking back it seems like it was all of the sudden..... so I am unclear as to when or how long the turn took.... all I know now is here we ( he and I are ) with a shattered marriage. For years I felt a "wall" between us. I naturally wanted to talk to him about this and over the years he became quite angry when I brought the lack of intimacy outside of the bedroom up. I explained to him that this was hurting our marriage ( and me ) because sooner or later it would effect our sex life. He really would become quite irrate and would even cause me to feel crazy and beleive I was crazy and that nothing was "wrong" other than I needed help. So I sought help and went to counseling for years upon years ridding myself of childhood wounds and of co depends ways still yet things between my husband and I got worse so I began studying and researching and that's when I finally faced the real truth on what was going on .... that and finding evidence consistently led me to put the pieces together on what was taking place. My mind really did go crazy because I was being lied to and deceived and I could not comprehend how I ever got to that place .... how could I have been manipulated and controlled all those years .... also that's when Satan really began a big attack on me and my mind even more. All I felt was trauma and nothing else. I could barley function because by this time my husband was blaming me for everything and also doing other things that are passive aggressive and narrisistic in nature towards me. I was so sick. I finally reached out for help ( after my husband finally admitted part of the truth ) he is yet to come fully clean with me ..... he prolonged getting help for himself and he also did not get help on his own.... he is getting help because I told him I would leave if he did not get help. Now I am in SA wives recovery and also seeing a counselor and a spiritual adviser and my support system is built up.... I have been just in disbelief that anything will ever change for us however I am still here and will see what happens
A lot with us ( almost everything ) is riding on whether my husband gets real help for himself and truly begins recovery
He says he's been clean two months and he says he is in a men's group and right now he says he is away at treatment for 3 days at heart to heart .... I have heard so many lies over the years and he has omitted so much it's hard for me to beleive him on anything. So we'll see. I do know I will not live with active addiction anymore. I am still young and have a lot of living left to do and I am unable to thrive as a woman / mother / grandmother / career lady or in any other way with active addiction because I am not safe emotionally in my home with it. I am hoping for the best and asking for Gods will however I will also be prepared to do what's nessacary to maintain my sanity at all costs
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Post by Deleted on Apr 6, 2017 19:51:23 GMT -7
Goldie, you are amazing. And your story, like so many others here, rings so many familiar chords. Hugs, my sweet sister.
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