Desiring to be normal!

Hi everyone, I am new here and looking for a community of believers who can relate to my struggle to any extent.. I am a male, 29, who discovered a 13 that cross dressing (women's leather clothes mostly) was pleasuring for me.. I remember growing up really liking textures like plastic and leather, and simultaneously absolutely hating to ever get dressed up nice to go out. By the time I was 14, and right around my parents divorce, I went to a private high school and discovered that I was aroused by wearing my uniform with my tie and button up tucked in. It felt restraining to me and I got turned on.. trust me I understand this is odd lol it was for me to discover too.. after discovering this I would get dressed up and pretend to tie myself up, wear my mom's leather jackets because I always liked leather and that became sexual for me too, and I would even look at some of her fashion catalogs because they turned me on between my croch and I could look at models wearing sexy clothes.. I am straight keep in mind so what was atractive to me I discovered I wanted to wear. Eventually I made my way to my mother closet after realizing that women's clothes were way more restraining and way more leather options.. I continued this behavior for years for erotica pleasure and would even fantasize that I was that model in the pictures for a day wearing those clothes.. I hated myself for it.. I was so ashamed.. nobody knew aboUT it. I then started obsessively questioning if I wanted to be a girl because I had these desires.. by 17 I was a committed heroine addict.. this all continued until I was 20 and Jesus saved my from my life of drugs.. I got clean, had a good job and got married.. through my marriage I continued to struggle and would wear my wife's clothes when she was gone.. she was into fashion and had so many different things and I really got bad into it.. I fought but could never overcome.. she eventually left me.. she knew we had sexual problems and if affected us but I never told her about my issues.. a year later I met the true love of my life at young adults group. I had committed to God that I would not date anyone until I got to at least 30 days of no masturbation or cross-dressing . We dated for 5 months and we're engaged for a year and I only stumbled once in that time period, and I tried her leather jacket on once. I also told her about my issues before we ever got married.. She spent time with me and tho she was devastated she worked me through the idea of thinking I was supposed to be the opposite sex.. I knew this Wasn't true but it's still had plagued me.. She pointed out that this was merely sexual fetish which I found to be true.. she even tried to help me a bit with it when we were married but it freaked her out and it hurt our relationship.. After a year I fell again.. This time not with cross-dressing but we had got me some leather clothing as an alternative and I put it on one day and got off, and I never told her.. she was pregnant with our first baby when I did this and we weren't really together much anymore and instead of talking to her I took my desires into my own hands and hid it.. This continued for another year-and-a-half about. She knew something was wrong but I never admitted it to her.. finally everything came to a head and she set up for me to meet with the pastor because she knew I was struggling and that same day I admitted everything I had done behind her back. That was about a week ago and we are now working to rebuild our marriage and Trust.. I have a serious issue and my fetish affects my daily life and family and I've never been able to get a handle on it.. I am pretty sure I am addictive with it even though I could go weeks in between it wasn't every day White Knuckle battle.. I know God can change me and give me the strength and I will be working with a pastor along side of my supporting amazing wife. I have hurt her deeply and yet she has been so forgiving and Strong by my side.. I am looking for accountability and wisdom from anyone who's been through anything like this having to do with ungodly fetishes and obsessive thoughts that come along with them.. My pride has gotten in the way of me asking for help for too long and this is going to destroy my marriage and life if it ever continues.. I feel a new strength from God now that I'm not living in the shadows with this, but I am looking for all the help and prayers I can get! Thank you for anyone who has taken the time to read this