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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2017 17:55:57 GMT -7
Hello
I'm at almost two years since discovery. We've made pretty much no progress. I might hate him more now than I did even a year ago.
Anyway, we've not had any luck finding a therapist that deals with SA that accepts our insurance. With that we haven't had him do a polygraph which is one of our biggest obstacles keeping me stuck. I don't believe a word he says. Not one word. He's trickle truthed me. He's admitted things and retracted. He's a compulsive liar. I can't heal, forgive or even consider letting him in my heart until he comes clean. Fully.
It's tearing apart any intimacy we could possibly have. Any advice or thoughts on how to find the right counseling that includes a polygraph? Has anyone else had a hard time with this?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2017 18:13:25 GMT -7
Hi Fay. Welcome to BG.
Are you in the US? There are many different counseling options out there so I encourage you to keep looking. Also something to consider...A counselor that works with general addictions may work for you. They may not know all the ins and outs of porn addiction but all addictions work on the same basic principles. So maybe broaden your search and ask them if they would be willing to take on your case and research porn addiction if they haven't encountered it before.
The lie detector part of your question I am not familiar with. I need to research it but I am betting you will have to pay out of pocket for it.
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Post by ladystrong on Feb 9, 2017 19:24:26 GMT -7
I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. I agree that he needs to come absolutely clean before you can heal. That means TOTAL repentance. Praying that he gets to that point soon and that the stronghold would be broken.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2017 19:33:00 GMT -7
Thanks. 😊 I am in the US. We've been to so many counselors already. One of the things I've noticed is no one wants to discuss what went on through the course of the marriage. No one seems to want to address why and how to not have it happen again. It's like they want to sweep it under the rug and "move forward" with fixing the marriage. Is that common?
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2017 20:55:41 GMT -7
You need to direct the counselor on what you want to work on and talk about. Sometimes rehashing the past can cause more harm then good but again it depends on you. If you can handle the raw emotions it will drag up, then discuss it.
With porn addiction the counselor almost needs to do a bit of each...Talk about the past and talk about what to do to move forward to heal. It's like picking at a multilayered scab...Pick the first layer of the past off and then apply a move forward healing idea to stem the flow of raw emotions. Then work on the next layer. It's a long tough process.
You need to remember that you are hiring the counselor which makes you their employer. As such you need to take an active role in directing your counselor on how you want to procede with your Counseling sessions. I would also suggest that you and your husband start out with individual sessions and after you have a few of those under your belt look at couple's sessions.
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Post by Deleted on Feb 9, 2017 21:27:45 GMT -7
Ok I am not finding much on insurance companies covering polygraphs. I did run across a couple of sites that you might find helpful though. www.polygraph.org you can find testers in your area here. Just click on find members and put in your state and country. It will list all members in that state. personalfinance.costhelper.com/polygraph.html this on goes into costs. It's old but it will give you a general idea on what to expect price wise. |
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